http://www.soulcysters.net/ en Sun, 19 May 2013 07:37:54 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.soulcysters.net/images/misc/rss.png http://www.soulcysters.net/ http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347816-anyone-on-here-actively-looking-for-a-group-to-talk-about-ttc-after-loss?goto=newpost Sat, 18 May 2013 15:15:20 GMT Hi everyone, I am a 27.... well almost 28 year old who is struggling with PCOS. I started by TTC journey last year in Feb. 2012. We did testing with midwife and tried clomid. I was not getting periods at all and had to induce them with provera, then do the clomid. Tried three cycles and had no success... onto RE. After clearing all tests, except for glucose tolerance, but PCOS dx with... Hi everyone,

I am a 27.... well almost 28 year old who is struggling with PCOS. I started by TTC journey last year in Feb. 2012. We did testing with midwife and tried clomid. I was not getting periods at all and had to induce them with provera, then do the clomid. Tried three cycles and had no success... onto RE. After clearing all tests, except for glucose tolerance, but PCOS dx with insulin resistance was verified. Started metformin in October 2012. I got a period in November, did one cycle of injectables and bam! Severe ovarian hyperstimulation followed by BFP! We got twins on the first try! 12 week scan all good.... 18 week scan all good... two little boys <3

All went well until 21 weeks 6 days.... went in due to increased mucous and pelvic pressure. Long story short... I was 4 cm dilated with no options... I was losing my babies. Two healthy, perfect, much wanted little boys with no chance of living on the outside. Heartbroken to say the least... I required a D & E procedure, though I guess it was less physically traumatic as I was already dilated.

It has been 2.5 weeks and I am already thinking about TTC. Our goal remains unchanged, we want a child. We will continue our goal as we grieve our too little peanuts. We had a follow up and midwife says cervix is closed. We will meet with maternal fetal medicine doctor on 6.10.13 to discuss pre-conception plan. Not sure what this will entail as it seems I may have incompetent cervix on top of my PCOS.

So that was my story but I am looking for others to chat with... really hoping to get some support as I will likely be back in the whole fertility treatment world but this time with even more anxiety. Sorry if this post is triggering to others.. and I don't want to be a downer... just looking for some people who might be ready for a bumpy road like me :0) ]]> Coping with Pregnancy Loss jlc20033 http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347816-anyone-on-here-actively-looking-for-a-group-to-talk-about-ttc-after-loss http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347759-Anger?goto=newpost Thu, 16 May 2013 01:48:34 GMT I just found out my sister-in-law told my husband that she couldn't understand why we were so upset about our miscarriage because it wasn't really the loss of a child. She told him this one week after our miscarriage, and he just now told me. Even this was several months ago, I feel so very angry, as he just told me about it. Not to mention the fact that she continues to make rude comments about healthy things I do (limiting carbs, eating fresh fruit, etc.), saying she doesn't have to do that because she doesn't want to get pregnant. (We do not talk to her about TTC...she just assumes.). She might not believe our baby was a baby, but we do...and my husband told her that. Im sorry for venting. Anyway, how do you manage your anger? How do you deal with people who make you angry? ]]> Coping with Pregnancy Loss Daisygirl06 http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347759-Anger http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347729-How-high-is-too-high-for-fetal-heartbeat?goto=newpost Tue, 14 May 2013 15:24:47 GMT I have been wondering about this for some time, but my RE wasn't concerned about it. When we had our first ultrasound at nearly 9 weeks, the heart beat was 184bpm.

I have since noticed a lot of other women on here who miscarried quickly after appointments with heartbeats over 175bpm. Then I notice other women with healthy pregnancies (via signature notes) with much lower heart beats.

I know my own heartbeat is high and to help this I have begun to exercise when I can. I am just wondering, how high is too high for a fetal heartbeat and is it a signal something is wrong? ]]> Coping with Pregnancy Loss sinnie http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347729-How-high-is-too-high-for-fetal-heartbeat http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347685-Happy-Mothers-Day-to-all-the-mom-s-of-angel-babies?goto=newpost Sun, 12 May 2013 15:33:47 GMT I was pretty upset at work on Friday, when for the first time in my life, EVER, before I even tried to get pregnant. I had random people (customers) wishing me a Happy Mothers Day. With my loss in March ever so in my mind nearly 24/7 I would nearly break down and cry each time. People who don't even know me, or what my family has gone through.

I am more agnostic than religious, so I don't know if I really have an angel baby somewhere. I don't know if she's with my father who I also dearly miss. I'd like to think she is, but I really don't know. Someone told me she sent those people to comfort me. Who knows.

But I wanted to post here and wish everyone who has lost of baby a Happy Mothers Day. Even though we don't have them in our arms, we still are mothers. We cherished and nurtured them for weeks and months with our own bodies. One day I hope we will see them again and some day soon we'll have another in our arms. ]]> Coping with Pregnancy Loss sinnie http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347685-Happy-Mothers-Day-to-all-the-mom-s-of-angel-babies http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347579-Acutely-Aware?goto=newpost Tue, 07 May 2013 23:45:28 GMT Today has been really rough on me. Just in the last two weeks alone, I've found out my husband's cousin lost her little one at 16 weeks, as well as a friend online having a blighted ovum, and five people I know announced their pregnancy, with two others announcing their childrens' births. I'm a wreck today. I just can't believe how much it still hurts to have lost my baby. I'm supposed to be pregnant right now, in my third trimester, lovingly rubbing my belly.

And it's not just that. It's for all the years of suffering I've been through to even have the two miracle babes that are lying asleep in their bedroom. It's for all the people who will never understand the incredible disappointment, anger, fear, frustration, and regret that I feel everyday with myself. That my body is broken beyond repair. That the most I can hope for is relying upon my prowess to find the right combination of drugs, herbs, exercise, diet, and mental well-being to get me pregnant. And other women just have sex and fall pregnant. No preparing, no trying, no combing the Earth for just the right thing. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I almost welcome menopause, because then I won't have to wait and wonder if I will be a mom to a large family. The most desperate dream in my heart has always been to grow my family, to have grandchildren covering my lap, big family gatherings, with a legacy of love and tradition left behind me. And I know I can still have that with my two girls. I know that. But I'm hurting so much right now. I just want it to be easy for a change.

To top it off, I'm in my TWW. This is a medicated cycle, and I've all but convinced myself that I didn't bd at the right time. It's almost too painful to even allow myself to think I could be pregnant again. There is no excitement or anticipation, only a cold detachment from the process. It feels awful! ]]> Coping with Pregnancy Loss sherbear53 http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347579-Acutely-Aware http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347309-Did-I-cause-my-sister-s-stillbirth?goto=newpost Sat, 27 Apr 2013 23:15:17 GMT I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago but after several negative doctor experiences, frustrations, and all the meds making me wicked sick, I kinda gave up. Recently (within the past month) I've tried to really pull myself together and work towards a natural treatment.

That being said, I haven't told anyone about it. I haven't told my family or friends or anyone. I feel very alone but I'm just not ready to venture there with anyone. Yes that prob sounds ridiculous but I'm an extremely private person and I just can't.

Almost 2 years ago my sister (who does not have PCOS) gave birth to a beautiful full-term boy but his heart stopped immediately after birth. After 15 min they finally got him breathing again and he was on life support, severely brain damaged, for a week before he passed.

As his 2 year birthday is coming up I can't help but feel guilty. Did I cause it? Did my not telling anyone make this happen? Would they have monitored her any different?

She had a molar pregnancy the year before so they were already watching her closely. And last year she gave birth to a perfectly healthy boy (with 1 miscarriage inbetween her sons).

I know intellectually it's not my fault but I can't help but feel guilty.

Sorry this is long and rambling, I guess I just mostly want to know if anyone on here had a similar experience or if they were monitored differently with PCOS/with a family member that has it. ]]> Coping with Pregnancy Loss starsshineforyou http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php/347309-Did-I-cause-my-sister-s-stillbirth