Extreme shyness!

girlywhirly · 05-20-2005, 01:14 PM

Hello. My problem is that I am extremely shy. When I have to talk to someone - be it a bank clerck, cashier, etc. - my face gets red, and I can't help it, but I can only answer in a very small voice.

When I have to give oral presentations in uni, I also get extremely shy, nervous. This is not normal and I am the only one who gets that nervous and shy. I've been told by my professors that my voice drops and it becomes hard to understand me. Also, I add a lot of ummmmms in my presentation. I am a very good student and I'm always well prepared. Even when I present in front of people I know and am friends with, I still get very nervous. This affects my grades!! I hate that I work so hard and I do well on tests but I lose 5 - 10% of the final mark because of the way I talk in front of crowds.

I hate to talk in small groups. At my sister's bridal shower, I hardly spoke at all. I came from another country to be at her bridal shower, and my sister invisted her close friends/friends from work and I think I embarrassed her by being so shy!

I can't even talk in small groups of friends. Hardly. I always feel it's better just to shut up.

Oh, and the problem isn't that simple. I have an accent. I am self-conscious about my looks.

But it's affecting my life in such a tremendous way. I can't get a summer job because I don't do well on interviews.
Most importantly, I am afraid that I will never get a real job after uni, because who wants to hire such a weird and incapable person! Even when I try not to be shy, physically, I can't help it. What to do?

infinity7176 · 05-20-2005, 02:03 PM

Believe me, you are not the only one. It sounds like you have Social Anxiety disorder. I have it too, and I've had it for as long as I can remember. I quit my last job 6 years ago because the anxiety made it too hard to keep going. I make my poor husband do all the talking for me, and I almost never go out without him.

I know it's hard, but you should try talking to your doctor about it. They can recommend a specialist for you, and maybe prescribe some meds, if that's something you feel comfortable with.

Also, I know of a very helpful website. I found it doing a search for Social Anxiety forums. I'll have to get back to you with the name.

Just remember, you are not alone! There are alot of us out there going through the same things as you.

I hope this helps a little. I'll go find that site and get back to you.

infinity7176 · 05-20-2005, 02:06 PM

OK, here it is.

www.socialanxietysupport.com

There are alot of really great people there who understand. I hope it helps you!

((((HUGS))))

Shy One · 05-20-2005, 09:59 PM

When I saw this thread I just had to post. This IS me! I know exactly how you feel! I have Social Anxiety Disorder and have had it all of my life. It really is a battle that not a lot of people understand. I also can deninitly relate with it effecting your grades. I've had very few teachers that have let my slide with presentation and such because they really knew what I was going through. (Which I was very lucky with) Most don't understand at all and think that I am just not putting enough effort. I'm currently in college also and it is really hard with this. I keep panicking because I know I HAVE to overcome this. My voice also gets very low when I speak to people. Half of the time they don't even know I said anything back to them! I never knew or seen anyone with shyness as bad as this. It does take over my life.

Something I am doing for myself right now i'm taking Xanax. My doctor knew right away that I obviously had a problem so I didn't have any problems getting it. I don't take it everyday though... only when I think I may need it that day. Xanax can be VERY addictive so I don't want to get in the habit of taking it everyday. Another thing that was mentioned to me was Zoloft. Zoloft is supposed to be permenanant and actually correct the problem. I took it for like two days before I started Xanax and I couldn't stand it. I'm sure it's better after a couple of weeks. My mom went through the full coarse of it and she said that it changed her life and she keeps wanting me to try it.

LoL, anyways... such a long post I know. But I really can identify with you! Private message me if you want. I would suggest going to a doctor. I've even been consider going to a psychiatrist.

RamblinRose · 05-20-2005, 11:36 PM

I don't have much but just want to say, you definitely aren't the only one!! I have SAD too and it is getting worse I'm afraid! I NEED to get a job right now, and I just can't bring myself to do it! It can be "paralyzing" for sure. I was put on Paxil a couple of years ago, and it did help a lot, made me not worry about what other ppl thought, etc, and it totally changed my life. Well, I came off of it (it was VERY hard to get off of) and I don't want to go back on, but I'm afraid that I am going to have to get back on something to help soon. Sorry I'm not more help, but you definitely are not alone. Speak w/your doc about it and see what you can do. If you aren't against the meds, they can help TREMENDOUSLY!! Good luck and hugs hun!

girlywhirly · 05-23-2005, 12:50 AM

Thanks for responding. I'm relieved that there are others like me.
There is free counselling on campus. However, i am too shy to approach them. If only I didn't have to go to a secretary...
You see, I've been telling myself to just get over it and see the psychologist but... it's been two years... I've walked passed the door to the counselling center hundreds of times... unable to go in! Am I crazy or what?
Once, I was really depressed so I called a hotline and I was too shy to speak! Anyway, I managed to say something and the lady on the line told me that it would be a good idea to talk to someone I know. Umm, yes.