facial hair

rjsteger · 06-02-2003, 08:23 PM

How do you let your wife know her method of controlling hair is not working? I don't think she know's she has PCOS but definitly has several of the syptoms. We have had several miscariages and after last one Gyno mentioned soemthing about her hair that sent me looking for a definition and that is how i found this site. The gyno said she though my "wife was a little PCOSY"...After seeing the FAQ's and taking PCOS quiz i am sure she has it.
In the last year her facial hair has gotten very thick, i swear she has mutton chops. I am really frustrated, this isn't what i thought i was getting when we married. She did say she was on BC pills early in life (as a teen) to get her periods going. Again as i look back another symptom of pcos. what really grosses me out was the the nite we were in bed witht he lights out and as i rolled over tokiss her goodnite i got her chin in my mouth....It was like a man's face, help............

alaskangrown · 06-02-2003, 08:34 PM

Hi,

My advise would be supportive and kind. Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can find. Then share all your newfound knowledge with her in a non agressive way. Let her know that you are concerned and worried about her. She may be ignoring the problem because she is insecure about it or scared. Reasure her of your love and let her know you are in this with her and together the two of you can find a solution. I would also say introduce her to this sight, it is a wonderful support group and has helped many women immensly. I wish you the best.

Good luck

Reese77 · 06-02-2003, 09:21 PM

You mentioned that " this isn't what i thought i was getting when we married". Well, I'm sure the PCOS isn't something she thought she would get either. This syndrome is very good at making a person feel like they are not a real woman...unfeminine, a freak...you name it. I bet all us PCOSers have felt it at one time or another.

The best thing you can do for her is be supportive and love her regardless of the PCOS. You say she doesn't know she has it...well you can do your research on it...bring it up to her in a gentle loving way.....let her know you are worried about her health and you want her to be tested for PCOS. Maybe introduce her to this site.

As for the hair...well...I'm sure she is well aware of the hair problem. I honestly can't think of a nice way to bring that up to anyone.....as it's so embarassing in the first place.

I wish you lots of luck!!

Shannon _Richardson · 06-02-2003, 09:40 PM

If I were you I would mention that you were surfing on the web and you found this site. I would also direct her here, this place is a informaiton warehouse and it also has tons of support that I feel can be a help to the both of you. Be supportive and understanding as much as you may dislike the facial hair, try to imagine how she is feeling. Maybe once you feel comfortable talking to her about this and she knows that there are treament options out there you guys can work together to help her become more healthy. Another thing once she has found a good Dr and is working toward becoming more healthy and you two begin to talk more openly and maybe you can Treat her to laser hair removal. Its a bit costly but it does work for alot of people and very well worth it. Also remeber the vowes that you took, for better for worse. It can get better and I do wish you two the best. Just try to be honest and gentle about it all. Good luck.

TxHubby · 06-03-2003, 02:57 PM

The best advice I can give is to try to talk to her about PCOS.
Tell her you found the web site & that you're interested in finding out more about it, because you care about her & are concerned for her health. Be honest with her, but be supportive and positive as well. PCOS can make women feel unattractive and lower their self esteem. They need to know that you are still attracted to them, and that you'll love them, no matter what.

You might not have known you were getting into this when you married her, but if you had known about it, would it have made a difference ?? Hopefully not...if you really love her, it shouldn't. After all, she's still the same woman that you married. You have to try to be supportive for her & get her to talk about it & realize that she might have PCOS & help her to deal with that.
It's not an easy thing for either of you to deal with, but if you really love each other & lean on each other for support, you can do it.

This is a great sight for both of you to use for information & for support. If either one of you need any help or advice, this is definitely the place to look for it. Hopefully everything will work out for you two...good luck & let me know if there's anything I can do to help either one of you.

AmericanWoman · 06-04-2003, 06:52 PM

As somebody who suffers from facial hair...I will tell you my story in a nutshell.

I thought I had a handle on it. Then my 4 year old nephew pointed at me in the sun and said "My auntie has a blonde mustache"! And he laughed.

I did not hold it against him (he was only 4 for crying out loud!) and realised that I had to try something else (I was bleaching).

I tried nair but got a lot of irritation.

Finally, I found a good, inexpensive electroysis. I have been going to her now for 4 years. I shave almost every morning my chin area and face. My "chops" have pretty much disappeared. The hair really has calmed down there. The most stubborn hair is under my chin and on my chin.

My suggestion:

Yes, love your wife no matter what. Treat this as a delicate matter...PLEASE.

Then if you wish TO DO SOMETHING ELSE, contact electroylsis in your area. Find a reputable one YOU CAN AFFORD. Buy some emla (I think that is what it is called) to help numb her face. I myself can handle the electrolysis but some people can't. I don't know your wife's tolerance level.

Fork out the cash once a week for your wife. Also, she can shave once a day up to the day she goes if she has a good electrolysis (like I do). She should not pluck.

Another solution, find a doctor to laser off her hair. This works best on pale skin and dark hair. Takes about 3 treatments. Expensive? yes. Also, she needs to grow out her hair first.

If you are unwilling to do either of these, then I have nothing else to suggest.

curvaceous_angel · 06-04-2003, 08:38 PM

I have facial hair so I can probobly relate to how your wife feels. It is embarrassing and a touchy subject. I am so glad that you love your wife enough to look in to PCOS. What I would do is take her out to a nice dinner and let her relax some and then when you get home sit her down and talk with her. Tell her that you are worried about her health and bring up with the dr said about being a little "PCOSY" and that you have looked it up and have done a little research. Tell her what you have learned and that it worries you. Ask her to see a dr and get tested. If you can promise to go with her and stick with that promise. She needs your support and love no matter what. Things can and will get better, I am proof of that. There is medications out there to help control the symptoms and for most they work wonders. The only thing that worrys me is when you said "I am really frustrated, this isn't what i thought i was getting when we married." I have learned the hard way that nothing is what it seems. You think you are getting one thing but you get something totally diffrent. I can understand your frustration, but also you love her (by your being here and looking in to this you prove it to all) and you have to take the good with the bad. Take my word for it she knows about the hair but probobly doesn't know what do about it. I wish you luck with your wife and give her time. She will figure out what is best for her to do about it.

AmericanWoman · 06-04-2003, 09:31 PM

I do hope you don't hold this facial hair against her like "if she cared enough, she would do something". I had an ex-bf many moons ago who kept riding me about my facial hair. He finally bought some wax and had me try it. I got burned on my face and he felt very badly for pushing that. He and I did not know what PCOS was and maybe things would have been different if we did then.

My motto is what a Finn said where I work in that brutal truthful way they do:

"DON'T say something sucks here unless you have a solution to fix it!"

I make that motto at work. I don't complain to someone above me unless I can propose a solution.

Have a compassion heart...my word, it AIN'T THE WIFE'S FAULT she has this syndrome. You may feel "this ain't what I bought" but mind you she probably feels if you were brutal "this brutal man is not what I bought".

Have a solution for her if you want her to take action,.

Please let us know how it turns out.

simone · 06-06-2003, 03:13 AM

I stumbled onto this thread out of pure curiosity and since it's current, I thought I'd put my 2 cents in. I totally agree with everyone that rjsteger should be sensitive to his wife's probable insecurities when bringing up the facial hair, but I think we also shouldn't criticize him for being honest about his feelings. This may be the one place he can actually confess to being uncomfortable with the whole thing. If he feels "grossed out" by his wife's facial hair, it doesn't make him a bad person. In posting that he was being either brave or mean, and I vote brave, since if he were mean, I don't think he's have bothered with researching this site in the first place. Geez, nobody's perfect, and it's like we're saying it's ok for a woman to be grossed out by her own facial hair but not for her husband (or any man, for that matter). I think we're demanding a bit much from people. You get used to things or you ignore them because you love somebody, and rjsteger's admitting his discomfort "out loud" was his first step in dealing with the whole issue. This forum is to support the DHs, and I would guess that what they most need support with is dealing with the conflicting feelings they might have toward their partners (ie: I love her, she's beautiful, but women aren't supposed to have beards...). Just because they have those conflicting feelings it doesn't make them jerks. They would be jerks if they weren't interested in knowing and understanding the problems and helping their partners for their partner's own benefits. I think that if we want understanding from others, we need to be able to extend it right back as well.

Simone

curvaceous_angel · 06-06-2003, 05:59 PM

I agree with simone. If our DHs and BF can't say how they feel with out us jumping all over them then what is the purpose of this forum?

lizza · 06-19-2003, 10:37 AM

I am only new here, but I have to say this, It is good to be honest, yes, and it is good that someone can come here and express their feelings.

This thread brought to my mind when my ex husband went bald at the age of 28. That wasn't what I married, no, but in all honesty, I married the man that I thought was inside. I was concerned, yes, but not because it wasn't what I married, but because of how it was making him feel, and the self esteem he was losing.

I am sure, rgsteger that your concern stems from the love you have for your wife, and the person she is inside.

I was once told that being in bed with me is like being in bed with a man, and it is something that really broke me emotionally, I didn't ask to be like this, I am now undergoing laser therapy regularly,but I now know that anyone that would want to hurt me so brutally couldn't really love me as I need. Please, I know you are frustrated, as you say, but , think, how is she feeling inside??

You love your wife, which is why you came here. Please be gentle, a womans femininity is a very tender subject.