 Fake It To You Make IT (Life Style changes and Self Acceptance)
I hope this is under the right thread. Anyway, I'm going to TRY and keep this brief but there's been a lot on my mind that I need to get off my chest (positive).
My mom past last year in Febuary and I made a vow to myself and to honor my mother that I was - no that I am going to get my life together (all aspects of it). My attitude on life has drastically change. So now I'm hanging out more with friends - just being more active then I've ever been in years prior to my mom's death. I'm starting to learn who I am which is fun and shocking at the same time. In the past, I wouldn't go out with my friends because of poor self-esteem issues. I'm not ugly at all but you know if you're not confident in yourself, it doesn't matter what you have on and how much make up you put on, your lack of self confidence shows through all the time. So I started fading in the back ground and started assuming that lack of attention was due to me being overweight and that men just wanted smaller women. At that point I just stop hanging out with my friends because I felt unattractive.
Prior to my mom's death, I felt a need for change anyway because I was constantly in a rut. On the outside, I was happy go-lucky but I was dying on the inside. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life, but it's so damn hard to step outside of your comfort zone. That's where you feel safe. Althought, I was in my comfort zone, I felt safe and I got complacent too. However, I wasn't happy. I started making small changes. I started realizing if I want to be happy and have a happy life, then its up to me to make it happen.
I started surrounding myself with positivie people. People who would uplift me and each other. I started slowing stepping outside of my comfort zone and realizing that's its more to life then the daily grind that I was use to.
Anyway, while on on my new journey of changing my life for the better, I still finding that I still having a hard time letting go of some old bad habits. For instance, I'm overweight and I'm doing something about but sometimes I don't think that I'm as pretty as my friends. How I combat this - reach I recently started to do is keep saying to myself fake it to you make, fake it you make, ...etc. Anytime a negative thought comes up I flip it around and say something positive about myself like you're beautiful inside and out and you don't need anybody validating that for you. Plus if they can't see it then f..'em.
The big then that I need to work on is my thinking. Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of being happy. Although, I have my mantras that I say. Sometimes, I still don't believe it. I know change don't come over night. I know this but its is hard for me to "see the future" so to speak. I guess what I'm asking here is those "faking it to you make it" really work? I'm serious about this because I want to change my life so I can it enjoy and have a meaningful and fulfilled life. | 
