As if my normal depression wans't bad enough, I just had a huge blow to my self-esteem. My best friend from grade school sent me a link to her modeling pictures and she look SO gorgeous. It makes me sick to look at her and then look at myself. I swear I'm not going to cry. I am just so tired of being so big. I'm sure there are many of you who can relate. That's why I am here. Man do I need some support right now. It kills me because I look at pictures from just a few years ago, and maybe I was still heavy but I was so beautiful. I'm just so sad and angry that I don't even know if I am making any sense. Thanks for listening to me ramble. It stopped me from crying this time.
Heather,
By the way, great name! I'm with you, but in a different sense. It seems as though everyone around me is getting pregnant, and I'm not. I've got family members asking me, "So, any good news, yet?" Why don't they just stop asking me, already! Then, I've got the friends who are pregnant who call to tell me all about their morning sickness, the baby kicking, or they e-mail me baby pictures. I'm happy for you, OK? I just don't want to hear about it!
PCOS is so very frustrating and I found myself at the bottom of a hole on Wednesday, and it helped to post here. You're right, it does stop you from crying and it helps to know there are others out here going through the same thing. Just talk to us, and we'll talk back, and maybe that will give you a glimmer at the end of the tunnel. I know it has for me.
Much love,
__________________ Heather D.
SoulCyster since August 2002
1000mg Glucophage per day
You said that a few years ago you were still big - but beautiful. I am sure your outlook has changed more than your looks! If you were beautiful then I am sure you still are.
What bothers you the most? What makes you feel not beautiful? Almost all of the Sx of PCOS can be controlled so the impact on your self-esteem and your outward appearance is lessened. Ask questions of your cysters - maybe they have a new way to deal with a particular Sx that is really bothering you, or a new alternative remedy that has changed their lives.
Remember - you are strong and you have all of your soul cysters behind you! We are all going through this with you. I am sure there are many of us (me included) who avoid mirrors at all costs and wouldn't dream of trying on a bathing suit!
If you need a buddy to lose weight with, or to keep track of excercise, or to remind you to take meds, or just to rant with let me know.
"Everyone is beautiful, in their own way" - and you are not exempt from this!
PCOS can do quite a bit of damage to the self-esteem. It's hard to cope with on a daily basis. I'm sorry your friend made you feel sad. But, if you weren't a terrific person, she wouldn't be your friend. I'm betting you are very beautiful. You're just feeling a little sad right now and maybe overwhelmed. Write down all of your good qualities. Lots of them, right ? Hang here anytime. And always feel free to state your feelings and rant away. It's a sure bet you'll hear me doing it Hugs, Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
*****************************
There is a life long lesson that has recently began to sink in with me. The subject of beauty is one that holds many different meanings for all people. My fiance loves big women, he has no desire for a skinny lady. Then there men that would not look twice at me.
What matters to me more than anything else is how I see myself. You know I have hair on my face and I hate it. I have acne at 32 years of age. I am dangerously overweight. There are qualities about me that I try to improve on a regular basis. However I know that I have qualities about me that other women don't. Men liked me becasue I was not high maintance, I didn't care about money and I never asked them about what kind of car they drove. I wanted someone with a good heart, one that saw the beauty of life the way I did. I found a partner in life who wanted the same things I did. I (after many loosers!) found him. He puts up with my mood swings, listens to me rant, understands me and accepts me all the while he loves me. Not an easy job some days, however...
You see as I have said before, a beauty queen could get in a car accident and be disfigured tomorrow. If she has built her life around her looks and nothing else then she will end up with nothing in a matter of moments. Real beauty is within and it shines though to the outer self. The beauty of the soul is 10 thousand times more powerful then the perfect body, face, hair etc. and will last forever. Thoes who see it within you are the ones worth keeping. Thoes who don't are not worth the effort in your life.
I wish you the power to see the good that you do. The kindness of your spirit and the warmth of your smile. To me and many others out there, that is beautiful.
God Bless,
April
__________________ Me 35, DH 52. DSS 22, DD 15
150mg of Effexor
Hysterectomy on Jan 17, 2006
Going back on Meds June 1st to treat PCOS symptoms though ovaries are gone. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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I can empathize cysta! PCOS robs women of so much- their health, their self esteem, their confidence. I know that sometimes it can seem like a full time job just to keep ahead of what PCOS does to our bodies. I know for myself that I feel like I am constantly trying to prove to my body that YES, I am, in fact, a woman, despite the many changes in my body to the contrary.
For me, the biggest blow is the hair loss. I used to have long, extremely thick curly hair- everyone always told me how pretty it looked. Over the past few years, however, it has become increasingly thinner to the point where I now have visibly balding areas and my hair is limp and frizzy and stringy. It hit me really hard when I was visiting my folks in NJ for the 75th anniversary of their church. There were posterboards with photo collages of events over the years, may with which I was involved. I saw a picture of myself from behind from about 1995- but I had no idea it was me at first. I was thinking to myself, that's odd- I used to have an outfit like that. Then I noticed another picture from the same event and realised it was me!!! My hair is so profoundly different now that I didn't even recognize myself. I had to take a few minutes to walk away and compose myself- I felt truly awful. I think about my hair everyday- I wonder if people sitting behind me at church or in a restarant are making fun of me- it has made me extremely self conscious and paranoid. It is something I try to handle day by day.
I guess I don't have much good advice for you, since I feel like I still have not yet fully addressed all these issues myself. I just wanted to share my story and MY personal *pet PCOS problem*. You are not alone. What I try to remember is that it is not my fault- the changes that have happened to my body over the years are not as a result of something I did wrong, rather, the product of the horrible PCOS monster
Hang in there hon- it's is all a little easier to face knowing we're going through a similar struggle.
HUGS!!
*Aimee*
__________________
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me: 30
DH: 31
DD: *Eleanor Alexandra* 13 months (born 13 weeks early on January 31, 2004@ 2lbs 2.6oz)
Nobody can make you feel inferior
without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
I can relate.When I was in school I had a good figure.When described ny other people ,I was the on e with the curves,good hair,complexion.Have always had a bit of a wieght problem,but that's not what hit me the most.It was the facial hair.I know people see it,evn though I shave (and I do a darn good job).But anytime I see people look in that direction it kills me,because I know how cruel people can be,and I feel like saying stop stairing at me I know I have a beard.Do people even think,(poor thing she must have some sort of problem).No.Especially men.I grow a thicker beard faster then my boyfriend can.Also I am sevierly over wieght.Gee why wouldn't I be depressed.But I know that once people actually get to know me ,most of the time they love me.Once I feel comfratable with them ,then I tell them what's wrong with me.My boyfriend also loves big women.Why is it that skinny guys are usually the ones who like big women?My best friend is the greatest in the world,a verry pretty girl.She told me once that she used to be jelous of me,and even now always her momand sister are always talking about how pretty they think I am.It boggles my mind how people think.I naver thought I was ugly but certinly not as perfect as some people thought I was.I look at old pictures of myself compared to what I am now.All I can say is wow.My bf said if I still looked that way he would never have had a chance with me.I teel him he is crazy,but I am flaterd.In the same since it's depressing because now I'm not so great.ohwell looks aren't everything,but the helped in school.I most have a lot to say today because every post i reply to has been ungodly long,Sorry about the rambling .Anyway just wanted to say I'm here and I know what it feels like.
Feeling awful 
I'm with you 
let me know.
Hugs, Lendi
My hair is so profoundly different now that I didn't even recognize myself. I had to take a few minutes to walk away and compose myself- I felt truly awful. 
