Kapp555

Hi and thanks for a great site. I have a little story and it still has me down. I am an italian american man who tends to prefer dating black women. Well, I have been seriously seeing a woman who also teaches at the university I teach at for almost two years. She was always very reserved and very shy. We were getting along very well, but our love life was not the best it could be. She always had to have the lights out, never wanted me to see her naked and didnt like the normal romance part of it that is inhernent in us Italian men. Finally, I confronted her about why she wasnt open with me. Mind you we have been seriously dating for more than a year at this point. I know she was more hairy than your average woman, but honestly us Italian men are used to this as italian women tend to be naturally hairy. I even founf her hair sexy to be honest and enjoyed playing with it.

But, for her she was devastated by it. I tried my best to make her at ease, took my time with her and really cared about her. But, she would always put up her defenses when we got intimate. Eventually she told me that she never felt comfortable with her body and that she felt that she couldnt be with anyone and that I had been one of 3 men she had ever been with. She is 39 years old, I am 40. She said it was better for her to be alone rather than endure her feelings.

I suggested we go to cousneling even as i am a big believer in communication, but she since has made it clear to me that she wants to be alone. i asked her if it was me and she said she was suffering from depression as well. She has told me she loves me, so this is hard on me.

At this point I have stopped trying. Really what can I do? Thanks for any advice. My yahoo messenger is The_fiduciary07 if anyone would talk to me about PCOS

Pnksunflrws4ever

I'm sorry to hear about this.

I know that it is difficult as a woman to deal with excess hair growth. It kinda takes away your femeninity (sp?). If you have done all that you could have done to make her feel comfortable and beautiful in her own skin, there is nothing more that you can do. There are something that women do have to deal with by themselves. Even if you accept her... she needs to learn to accept herself.

There is nothing you can do for her until she learns to accept herself.

Just make sure that you are still there... as us women never know what we want.

Good luck.

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Liz, Thin Cyster (20) DH (22)

DX: March 2009

TTC#1Since December 2008

11/15-BFP @ 9dpo

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Tytteas

I'm so sorry to hear! But sounds like you did the best you could and I'm sure she's thankful for that... because as low as we might feel about ourselves, and as little as we might believe the nice things men tell us, it's still extremely nice to get complements and flatter but, unless we have learned to accept ourselves, we just can't be reasoned with! You can tell us a million times that you love us just like we're, we probably won't believe it!
Anyway I now feel a little down too... because how you explained her is... is exactly like me :S I mean, I don't know how serious my now ex felt about us... and if right be right we probably didn't fit very well together in the end... but geez, I still love him... I don't know what he feel about me, but he recently said a lot of sweet stuff to me and said that the only reason we weren't together was the distance... but, still, mind you, we were both drunk but... back to the point... if it truly doesn't annoy the man that the woman have these problems, then really, it's a shame that it annoys some of us women as much as it does... because just like her, right now I am at the point where I'm just thinking I will have to be forever alone because I'd make a terrible girlfriend, not to mention wife or such... and I won't have to worry as much about my body as if I had a boyfriend... but by god it's a tough one... because I, just like most women, long for love... but I just can't accept my body enough to let another person, even one I love, see it... or touch it... :S well, I know I'm not giving you any solution here, but hopefully you'll feel you did your best and if you really love eachother and you still know her, I hope your paths will cross again and that maybe you can figure it out!