Feeling bad again

oreo75 · 04-21-2008, 05:25 PM

I don't know where to start, last year I had a episode of depression I was put on escitapram which worked really well. I was triggered by having 4 months on night shifts, after it happened it was decided that I was to do 3 nights a month, which since last June has been working really well & I've had no further problems with work (I'm a nurse), until the start of last month when I was put on a month of nights with the last week I ended up doing 4 nights in a row. which has started my depression back off again. A couple of weeks ago I went to see my Dr. who put me back on escitapram, & I had to ask him to sign me off work cause I was a mess (which he wasn't going to do), I was sitting there shaking cause I was panicking so much. I had all the usual depression symptoms. I've was off work for about 10 days & felt better by the time I went back. The first day I was back I was struggling to hold myself together, I just wanted to sit there & cry & was so tired by the end of the day as I was acting all day putting on a happy face. I come home & just cried for ages. I did go back the following day & it wasn't a lot better. The first day I text my best friend & house mate & told them how I feel, & was told to stick with it & it will get better, by the end of my shift (which are 13 hours) I was told that's how they always feel when they finish work & I just need to get on with it. I just was made to feel like I was making a big fuss & faking how I was feeling. It was worse the second day I finish work, as my house mate was home. When I got home I went to my room to put my night clothes on, the TV was on down stairs & it was loud & I just wanted to spend some time by myself after spending all day with people, so I decided to have a lie down on my bed. My housemate come up to my room & started having a bit of a go at me like they were making fun of me & how he couldn't cope with me being like this. They also threatened me a bit as well, they kept going all about how they didn't want to move in with their partner but if they did want to move in with them they would. Nothing had been said about this, so it confused me bit. Also if I didn't get myself sorted out then, he would speak to my mum & to the head of nursing where I work, so then I worried about my job. They asked me several times if I had wanted to commit suicide, I told them no as I didn't want them knowing this being how'd they'd already been with me, it had gone though my mind a few times the night before but hadn't wanted to act on it. They then brought me a bottle of vodka, a knife & a big bottle of tablets, & told me to use one & to commit suicide! cause they can't cope with me any more. We both had a day off today so I've been putting my happy act on today, cause I didn't think I could take another round of what happened the night before.

I'm planning to go back to my dr. tomorrow I'm hoping they will sign me off until the medication starts working as I don't think I can do my job safely at the moment. I made a couple of mistakes, near misses & I managed to upset a patient as well.

PuppyLove · 04-22-2008, 07:52 PM

Big (((((hugs)))))) Oreo

I also suffer from depression and have for many years. It certainly sounds to be you have a pretty serious case of depression and I urge you to see your doctor again, get on an anti depressant full time, and see a therapist.

I'm HORRIFIED at your housemates, what dreadful people!!!

Right now, with how you're feeling, it's important you make time for yourself, try and be kind to yourself, do things that you enjoy and be gentle with yourself.

I totally understand how you feel and it really is a dreadful thing, please take care and keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Hugs
Louise

dillydaydreams · 04-22-2008, 08:24 PM

OH MY GOD!
I am so angry at your housemates and doctor for not giving you the help you need. Both my brothers committed suicide when I was 14 and I wish I was old enough to understand and give them advise when it was necessary.
All I can say is try to keep a level head but you need to be strong and tell your doctor if he or she is not willing to help you then you will find another.
If I were you I would change doctors, and move if possible.
I suffer with anxiety and take a low dose of tranquillizers which makes my day alot easier.
I dont know what age you are or the full story but sounds like you neeed to make changes. My question is???? why are u depressed? doctors housemates etc, if it were just that then you can get out of the situation, OR do u suffer from depression in general, sorry abut all the questions, just trying to figure out what is the best advice.
I wish I knew what to say but for now only advice is talk to someone and get help whether it be meds or just go into the chatroom, or talk to someone.
U are not alone in this sometimes cruel world but I bet if u really think there are some positives. HUGS TO U x hope you feel better soon!

oreo75 · 04-23-2008, 05:03 AM

Thanks everyone my depression has started again cause I was given too many nights at work & then I don't sleep & it just seems to start me off. I've been back to see my dr. who has signed me off work for 2 weeks, & has stopped me doing nights for the next couple of months & said I'm only allowed to work for 6-8 hours a day. She's also said to make sure I exericse everyday and do something fun that I enjoy.

eww · 05-09-2008, 04:07 PM

Do you work at the Medway Maritime Hospital? I just noticed your profile said you're in Rochester. Sorry if that's nosey.

Sarrah · 06-05-2008, 10:40 AM

Giving you a bottle of vodka and a knife etc.. THAT IS JUST UNFORGIVEALBE...how would they feel if you actually did it.
Giving those things to someone with depression is just STUPID.....
They are obviously not taking your sickness seriously.

What awful awful people - I can't belive they would do that. I think you need to get a new house mate and best friend.

I hope things get better for you. Could you possibly get a job with no shift work - are there nursing roles day shift only?