i feel so overwhelmed by everything at the moment i feel so guilty because thursday is the 2nd aniversary of one of my best friends death and i don't feel anything not one thing not sadness or anythign what type of person does that make me and everyone seems to think i can cope with everything i can't i'm trying to cope with everything because i can't afford to let other people know how i am feeling because i have to be strong because if i'm not it cud affect my future career coz i want to be a mental health nurse i have to be healthy and i'm getting there but i have setbacks and people don't seem to understand that and people don't seem to take my pain seriously even if i did tell someone they would probs not believe me people always act like my pain is nothing i am also really wanting to self harm the urge is strong very strong
sorry for my rambles and if it doesn't make sense i'm a little blah right now
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Linny, it can be so hard trying to deal with everything on your own. Remember that you can always come here to share your thoughts. Please do not harm yourself. You deserve better than that.
Have you spoken to a doctor about this?
__________________ I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller
Linny - earlier this year was the 2nd anniversary of a dear, loved friend of mine's death and I didn't feel anything either on that day. I felt terribly guilty until another mutual friend said "But Kath, you grieved so hard for Rob for the first year and a half, I think you've used up all your grief!"
And it's true. There comes a point where while you still miss them, the grief lets go. So don't feel bad that you're not feeling how you expected to with this, because everyone is different and handles grief in different ways.
You've posted here which shows some feelings... I think sleeydumpling nailed it... You can be sad and the grief be gone and that doesn't make you a bad person...
Post here as often as you need, we're all a good shoulder to use...
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As the other ladies have said, of course it doesn't make you a bad person. We all grieve and remember those that have passed on in our own way. There's no shame in that.
Something about the tone of your post makes me think though... the parts about "having to be strong" and hiding your feelings. That can lead to not being able to really feel and grieve... it's all being pushed down somewhere. It doesn't go away though, as I'm sure you know. That's, sadly, where the urge to hurt yourself can come from When you can't feel emotions, you'll "feel" things somehow. Plus the guilt you're feeling can't be helping with that.
As the other ladies said as well... hon, please do your best not to hurt yourself. I'm a self-injurer myself, so you'll get no lectures from me, but in the long run it just makes things worse. Please try to find another outlet for your feelings... be it writing, screaming, punching pillows or other soft things, just anything that will get it out without hurting yourself. (((((hugs)))))
I hope you're feeling better today! I'll be thinking of you.
Dana
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__________________ I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller
thank you for replying sorry took me so long i'm doing a bit better jst trying to take it slowly still feel quite overwhelmed but not so badly thank you for your replies they have helped alot
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I just wanted to send u big hugs! ((((((*))))))). I am a mental health nurse and find it so hard to talk about my pain, and those around me are so used to me dealing with their pain they have NO idea wat to do with me when I'm not good. I also get MAJOR urges to self-harm, its sometimes feels like the only option I have left. Talking does help though and the girls on this board are always amazing, use them!
As for the grief, I am so with u on that one, people around me will cry and have an air of sadness, I just go numb, it is the only way I deal with it. I feel nothing, I only seem to pick up on the emotions of others and wonder why I am not doing that too! Chirstmas is such a hard time at the best of times, but sometimes your mind takes over and say.... Enough! I can't deal with this so it isn't going to exist for a while!
Hope this makes sense, thinking of you
x
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feeling crap 
When you can't feel emotions, you'll "feel" things somehow. Plus the guilt you're feeling can't be helping with that.
