Here is my situation. I am trying to deal with not being that beautiful thin girl I once was in high school and accepting myself as I am. I have gained about 50 lbs (that is subtracting the 50 Ive already lost). I am in my hometown to visit my parents for vacation and the negative feelings seem to resurface strongly when I come back home from where I live in TX. I have a major fear that someone I went to school will see me and they will think Im a huge slacker slob that has no self control. This fear sets into sheer panic when I see ANYONE I know. I will go to any length not to speak to them. People tell me 'you have a pretty face, you are still beautiful but not in the same way'. I want to be beautiful. I want people to look at me. I want to feel worthy and unafraid.
There are so many beautiful women who are large and seem totally happy with themselves. They can look at photos of themselves and not want to vomit, unlike me. Anytime I see myself in a photo, I feel let down and sick because usually I had really tried hard to be pretty-and then I see the damn fat rolls. I need something, some reassurance, something. Why does it matter so much to me? Why do I HAVE to feel the need to be drop dead gorgous? It is so much pressure. Please, if you have any advice or wisdom for me, anything at this point will help.
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I've been through it too, and I did hide from my former friends because I was bullied in school and didn't want to give them more ammunition. It's a healthy thing. Just don't believe that the pretty, thin girl won't come back. I am having a hard time dieting and I think my thin days might be coming to an end, but I did manage to lose the weight and for awhile, I looked better than before PCOS symptoms started. It's a difficult time, but it needn't last forever.
If you find a way to cope with the pressure, tell me how. We all see who gets married and gets jobs in today's society. Very rarely do larger people get ahead, as much as they deserve to.
__________________ Exceeded my wildest dreams-I wish you the same.
I don't have any answers for you either, I wish I did because then maybe I'd know how to help myself.
I didn't go to my 10year high school reunion last year because of the weight I've gained and the hirsutism. I just didn't want people I knew to see me like that, I was afraid of what they'd say or do. I work with the public and I am always afraid of what people see when they look at me.
I, too, want to be thin again. I don't want the excess hair. I just want it to go away, and until it does, I don't know what to do to make myself feel better about being me. I have a feeling a lot of us PCOS girls feel the same way.
I'd gladly accept suggestions from those who have found a way to embrace and accept themselves the way they are.
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Effort only fully releases it's reward after a person refuses to quit.
- Napoleon Hill
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I feel like I could have written your post most times. And it makes complete sense that you have a fear of seeing old classmates. I live just a hop skip and jump away from home town so I run into old friends alot. I wish I could wear a sign that says I have PCOS and lists all the sympotoms. I really feel for you and am so so sorry you are going through this.
Just wanted to say though, read what you wrote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by acrowe
I am trying to deal with not being that beautiful thin girl I once was in high school and accepting myself as I am. .
You might not be thin at the moment, but that has NOTHING to do with beauty. I have to say this to myself all the time. Other than health reasons, weight should have ZERO effect on our self esteem. We have to feel good about ourselves and love ourselves and the weight will take care of itself. Thats what I am focusing on right now. I know the more I love me, the more I will eat right and workout.
BIG hugs. This is a very hard struggle for us PCOSers. But NEVER think that you arent beautiful because of your weight.
(hug) wanted to chime in here. Ya know, I think it has A LOT to do with the damn movies and tv and magazines, I used to think it was hogwash, but really, it is so true. Everywhere I turn, I see, lose so and so pounds in 2 weeks, have drop dead gorgeous hair with this miracle whatverrrrrr, this damn society is so shalow, and I tell ya, So Cal is bad in this sense, and it causes some undue pressure for a lot of people. We have young girls out here with BAD eating disorders and it is so sad!!. I lived in Oregon for a year and it is so different.
My point, the people who love you for you are the ones you want to be with, NOT some old classmate who is going to judge you, I have to tell you that I struggle with the past classmates thing - what will they think of me.... how I look, whatever, and I get so ticked (can you tell lol) I just wanna say, who gives a rat's arse - for lack of a better term.
I wuv ya - and I dont even know you, you're not alone, and I hope you feel better about this, I know what I say doesn't make it any easier for you, but I care, b/c it touches on a lot of stuff for all of us.
Like Judge Judy said, "Beauty fades, dumb is Forever" , again, not that that helps much, this stuff is hard to get past.
Feel better and keep smiling
I have had a weight problem most of my life. It has taken me 42 years to come to the realization that my true friends and family just want me to be happy. They do not care if I am overwieght and do not look down on me for it. Anyone who does is not my friend and I do not need them in my life. One good thing about being in my 40's is that I don't care what others think anymore. I am going to join the gym and workout, but it is to improve my health so I can be around for my family longer.
I hope it doesn't take you as long to realize that you are a worthwhile person no matter how much you weigh.
__________________ me - 45 dh - 48 dd - 12
Total Hysterectomy 8-21-09 Living well is the best revenge!
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You are certainly not the only one to have those kinds of feelings and fears.I and many more join you in the battle of"What will they think of me"!!!
Listen! Since I have had my 2 daughters I am slowly realizing what we let other people do to us as far as making us beleive that we are less than NORMAL! I refuse to pass that on to my girls! I constantly tell them they are beautiful and special! I have vowed to no longer let other people,who think they are perfect,dictate what I should look like!I will not allow myself to verbally abuse me!!
In teaching my girls that they are special,I too am no longer so hard on myself! I used to hate seeing myself on a picture and meeting someone new or seeing someone that I hadn't seen in years for fear of what they would think of me!!
NO MORE!! I am not my hanging belly! I am not my balding head!
I am a proud wife and Mom! I am a great daughter,sister and friend!
I am surrounded every day by people who truly love me for the person that I am and not what I look like!!
Sure I have insecurities and fears and my esteem is often low but I am human! I do,however, no longer let it consume me!
Hold your head up high! Don't let society make you feel less than human!
Those who think that they are perfect are certainly not! Some of those so called BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE are the UGLIEST on the inside!!
God Bless you!
Oh my, I totally understand, except I live in my home town now that I came home to save money on grad school tuition, and I used to scared all the time that I would bump into people now that I am heavier. What's worse, is that I went to the snobbiest school in America, really it's true, and so I was tormented for not being "skinny" because I was not fat in high school, just not little. Now that I am actually, well fat, I was scared about bumping into someone I used to know, I actually ran into the worst person I could of, this guy that I was in love with for four years and it was just really depressing for a while, until I finally said screw this, I don't have to see any of these people day in and day out and they aren't my friends or peers anymore or even potential dates.
Anyway, it's hard but I have really been trying to say to myself that I don't belong to that era anymore, and I don't know those people anymore, the friends, family, and other people who make me happy are what's important.
Please do not mourn over the person you think you once were, because you are still the same person, and I don't think you should accept that you are different. As my Mom's friend said to me once, you're pretty now, you'd be pretty if you lost weight, but you'll get more attention and approval if you lose the weight. I think that applies to everyone. Losing weight does not make you "beautiful" despite what some people narrowly define beauty as, and in my opinion, why should their definition of beauty matter, like who made them the judge?
If you run into someone, hold your chin up and act like you are the most gorgeous person in the room, this is what I did when I ran into that guy because I wasn't about to go feel ashamed, or at least let him know it even though I was bummed on the inside. I am sure the people you might run into have had ups and downs, and probably don't look as thin or whatever as they once were, or if they are still perfect, they should be ashamed of themselves if they are so caught up on looks that they would judge you for not being as thin. They would have the real problem not you. Go home, enjoy yourself, and don't let other people's opinion ruin your trip!!! Finally be proud of yourself for losing 50 lbs, what an accomplishment, and that took a lot of work on your part to do that, so instead of focusing on the fact that you are not at the same weight as you were in high school, I would celebrate yourself for achieving such an important goal that has helped your health and fitness!!!! Those people may not see that explicitly, but you know the truth, and you know that you are taking care of your health and that is what matters!!!
BIG HUGS!!!
Just because you have gained weight doesn't change the beautiful person you are on the inside.
Granted by no means am I saying eat and be fat cuz its ok. Exercise and reasonable diet are a must. You can be a larger woman and fit. I know that there are plenty of people who assume that because I am large that I sit on my butt all day and eat. Those who know me understand I have a very small eating pattern and I am probaby one of the most flexible plus sized girls you are going to find.
I have been told by some of my ex's that they 'weren't into big girls' until they met me. Its the confidence I have in myself and my extrodinary large ego that was extreamly attractive which is something that even skinny girls sometimes don't have.
My biggest piece of advice- Start looking in your mirror and tell yourself that you love you for who you are. Once you start (truely and honestly) believing it- others will follow your lead.
Congrats on the weight loss so far!
Hints from a beautiful, sexy, hot- plus sized Goddess:
*Over 60% of the population is overweight and above a size 12- why are we letting the other 40% push us around?
*Self confidence make you sexier- not your dress size.
*People who judge on size miss out on really great people.
*Beauty is found on the inside- adding a few more cells doesn't change who you are.
I'm really on the other side of the spectrum from many of you. As long as I could remember, I've always been large. Well maybe not at the age of 4, but otherwise I had no true life as a thin individual. Even since adolescence I've had the man gut and deposits in areas I never liked. I always hated looking at pictures of myself b/c i knew that this wasn't really me. There was/is a me that exists in my mind (perhaps a delusion) - but its there and it encompasses amazing ideas and beliefs and perceptions that far outweigh (no pun intended) the way people have always judged me based on my physical size.
and yet, there's still always this lingering desire to lose it and a wish to see a me that I've always seen, yet never seen. I know I can't offer the same kind of advise as someone who lived a good part of their life as a thin individual and then poofed out but I offer it nonetheless.
If your friends treat you differently after you gain the weight than they did before, they were not friends at all.
If they fail to appreciate you for the uniqueness you bring to their lives, then that's another fault of their own.
Its hard enough to live through this without having to worry about not being able to conform to the impressions of others. Live for yourselves.
Feeling Depressed and Fat 
and keep smiling
