Feeling depressed this week about TTC, and just found out my SIL is preg.

Patie · 08-07-2002, 04:08 PM

This week has been the most difficult week ever. I'm on my 7th round of clomid, and still not preg., above that my insurance runs out in January when I turn 25. I'm coverd under my moms insurance till that age. So basically I some how feel that there is no hope. I do know I have to have fath in God, and I do completley, but this whole TTC is just difficult.
Also last night my brother called me and asked if me and my DH could come over for dinner because he needed to talk to us, so we did. We kind of figured that maybe she was preg. because she had mentioned last month that she was TTC her 3rd child. Well when we got there they said that they just found out that she was preg., and wanted to know if me and my DH would be the God parents. I felt that was pretty nice of them, and yes I am very happy for he and hope she has a wonderful 9months. But when we left that night all I did was cry cry cry.
I know I should not think neg. , and no one should stop living there life just because patie can't have kids. My family is very supportive of me, and try to be there for me, but this is going to be hard. the reason I say this is because I take my SIL to work everyday, and I will be seeing her tummy grow and this hurts, because I really wan't to be a mommy. I know I should not be feeling this way, I just don't know what else to feel.
Sorry for ranting, I just need to talk to someone about this.

24/ DH 23yrs
Diag. PCOS 1999
TTC #1 for 5yrs
Male Factors/ a bit slow
Glucophage 1500mg
Prenatal Vitamins
3 cycles of Clomid 50mg, 100mg, 150mg/ no O
4th cycle 200mg, 5th cycle 250mg Clomid/ AF, weak O
6th cycle Clomid 200mg/ HCG/ IUI/ AF, weak O
7th cycle Clomid 250mg/ Cd 11, hope this is it!

Jenesse · 08-08-2002, 01:33 PM

I'm sorry you are feeling sad. I know how you feel about your SIL being pregnant, seems like everyone can do it but us! Our chance will come sweetie. Don't get too discouraged. I am here if you want to talk. My e-mail address is nessd@msn.com.

Remember that you are never alone and there are always friends at soul cysters that understand your struggles.

Baby dust and best wishes
Jenesse

RebeccaC · 08-08-2002, 07:59 PM

Hi Patie---I think you and I have had some computer contact in the past. My grandmother lives in Baldwin Park.

I SOOOOOOO know what you are going through. I believe that I have faith and hope but after not preventing pregnancy for over 5 years and then TTC for the last 4 with no luck, LIFE CAN LOOK PRETTY MISERABLE.

Please, please please whatever you do, don't loose your love for the Lord or your faith. I've been there many times and he's had to call me back. I just returned from a pilgrimage to see the Pope in Canada and he was soooo beautiful. He gave me a good word for my life. And if there is anything I can tell you, God loves you (as awkward as that sounds), but he does. I remember TTC in April 1999 and my DH's cousin and his wife decided (after saying for YEARS that their son who was born June 1990 was enough) to conceive. She took out her IUD March 17 and was pregnant by April 3rd or 4th. So, come December when she gave birth, we went to the hospital in Laguna Hills and when I left, I cried all the way back to Santa Ana, feeling very sorry for myself and thinking to myself, "The roles tonight should have been reversed, they should have been the ones coming to see me and my husband with our new baby." Well, that wasn't the case and in that horrible suffering of mine, they ended up having the MOST ADORABLE little girl I've ever met. They bring her over to see us and she's just a beauty and so cute.

Long story short, YOU ARE NOT ALONE---I REPEAT--YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And there will be lots more who will get pregnant, so in the meantime, I will definitely pray for you Patie because sometimes, the Lord is the only one who brings us comfort.

I've had to open the door at the VERY end of the hallway of my life and see that maybe JUST MAYBE, my vocation may not be to give birth and be a mom, and this JUST KILLS ME!!!!!

Peace be with you and please don't give up or stop praying!!!!

God Bless you!!!

Patie · 08-12-2002, 03:02 PM

Thanks girls for all your support. This really means alot to me.

Hi RebeccaC, thank you for your prayers. Your words of kindness have opened my eyes to what is happening around me. I now know that God wants me to get closer to him. For one I have joined the Elizabeth Minestry, and I have also been asked to be a God parent. I should see this as a blessing and a calling from God just like you have. Thank you and God Bless!

irishgal · 08-12-2002, 04:52 PM

Hi
I totally know what u are all going through. ive been ttc for 7 years and have been so jealous of any1 pg. I have lost friends because of this and totally avoid pg women and babies. My brothers fiance is pg at the minute and its really painfull as they are both 19 and she only wants a boy basicly if its a girl she dosent want it. I would crawl over hot coals on my hands and knees for a baby girl. Ive even stopped sleeping properly at night as when I have a deep sleep i dream that i have a baby and when I wake up its like a loss all over again.

I feel like im in hell.

Irish gal

RebeccaC · 08-12-2002, 09:43 PM

Patie......I have a godson who just turned 6 years old and HE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS GOD HAS GIVEN ME. His brother was born 8/6/95 and he was born 7/6/96 (ONLY 11 MONTHS APART). Well the father left the mother when she was 5 months pregnant with my godson and so he doesn't know if she had a boy or a girl or anything. Long story short, my husband (who was abandoned by his father and his mother was on her 7th day of an abortion set of pills) and I knew from that moment on, that he was going to be something very special to us, since we knew that his story and my husband's would be similar. We have showered this boy with love, attention, consistency, & praise and he is the biggest laughter I get from this world. We even went in to talk to our priest, because we didn't want to just have party with carne asada and beer and then call it quits. We wanted to be the very best we could be and all I can think of is--------could you imagine if I was into myself with my "OWN" kids???? I wouldn't give him the attention and time I've given him the past 6 years. I just know that my godson has been a huge vocation for us because now if God were to bless us with our own children, we gave this little guy a very stable and loving environment, where he knows we love and care for him.

You'll be able to shower this baby with double love and that's being an angel already-----The baby will thank you and love you all the more for it------believe me-----my godson is proof. He is soooo different than other godchildren I know and we just have something very special.....................lots of luck to you and don't ever give up-------the gospel at this weekend's mass was about St. Peter walking on the water and J.C. tells him, "Do NOT be afraid." The Pope also said these words in Canada and they are my fighting words, when I want to start feeling sorry for myself or get depressed........Keep your head up!!!!

Your Cyster

southerncyster · 08-26-2002, 03:13 PM

Hi Pattie--

Girl, I know your feelings exactly.

My SIL made the glorious announcement that she was expecting baby #2 on Christmas Eve (the baby was born this past Friday). Merry Christmas to me

I ran upstairs to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. I made it through the rest of the holidays with a very good supply of Valium!

You know in your heart that you are happy for them, but you just don't understand why its not your turn. And, of course, they weren't even trying!!

Please don't give up and please don't feel that same guilt for what you are feeling. I have finally accepted that these fealings are natural and we can feel ever how we want!

If you ever want to talk please feel free to email me (lantzamy@hotmail.com). We are about the same age and seem to be in similar situations!!

Good luck,
Amy

CTCyster · 08-26-2002, 09:38 PM

Patie,

(((((HUGS))))) cyster!

I am not yet ttc so I cannot say I can empathize, but I certainly can sympathize. My S/I/L is planning on TTC in the next few months. She does not have PCOS and is very healthy, so I am sure it will not take them long. I deperately want to start TTC, but we cannot afford it, so I am kind of in limbo. I am sure that when she makes the announcement that I will be happy for her, but very sad for my DH and myself. I can only imaging how disappointed you feel that you have not yet had your chance at motherhood. And don't feel bad about your true feelings- you are entitled to them- we all are.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this difficult time. God Bless you...and heaps and heaps of ****babydust**** from me to you

Hang in there, Cyster!
Aimee