feeling down *way long*

emmylou · 02-05-2005, 11:37 AM

im feeling so crappy atm.

me and my boyfriend of 2yrs are having some real relationship problems right now. i have trust issues over something he did a yr ago! so i finally decided to take a break to decide whether i could get over these issues - if i couldnt i was going to have to end the relationship.

so we've been on 'a break' for a week now, and ive done so much thinking and faced up to how i was treating him - i was still angry at him for what he did, so i took it out on him. i decided i loved him too much and our relationship means too much to me to let it end over something quite trivial (its not like he cheated on me or anything) so i told him all this in an email - he works v.different hours to me, so it was hard to get him on the phone, and he mailed me back basically saying i was a sh*t listener, i didnt trust him so whats the point and that i am a bit*h

well, you can only imagine how much that hurt me. it took alot for me to realise how my distrust was ruining our relationship, and it took a lot for me to apologise to him for that - i feel like he threw that back in my face with such avengence!

anyway, he did say that as i was willing to put everything behind me, move on and try again, that he was too. but hes been so 'off' with me. like talking on the phone to him he seems distant/uninterested. i asked him "do u want to be with me?" and he avoided the question saying "its 11.35pm, im not getting into that now" he still hasnt answered that question and i asked him 3days ago... but havent really spoke to him since. i just want things to go back to normal. i feel so low atm i really need him around and hes just being an ar*e.

i really feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore - but just wont say that to me.
i dont know what id do without him. hes been such a huge part of my life for so long. we were living together at one point (at his parents) and we were talking about having a baby and getting our own place, getting married.. we were engaged! and now i feel like - in tatters. i cant sleep, eat, concentrate, all i can think about is him and what hes feeling, and why he wont even talk to me atm...

im only 20 - hes 19 - i know. pretty young. so ive got 'plenty of time to find someone else' but i dont want anyone else. i want him - so much it hurts.

im sorry this is pretty long, its just, my friends are all fed up of me moping around, and like i said i cant stop thinking bout all this. just needed to write it down and get it out. without getting the rolling eyes from friends and the whole 'its not the end of the world speech' coz to me it is. he is my world. if im not with him i have nothing. who else would want me?

maybe thats why im hanging on so much - i feel like no one else would want me. whereas him - hes tall dark and hansome. whenever we go out he has girls literally starring at him - hes stunning. it makes me feel special to be with someone like him. so as i say - without him i am nothing. i have nothing.

god, i really am rambling now - sorry. i just feel like sh*t. better out than in...

emmylou

TickledPink · 02-05-2005, 02:16 PM

I am sorry you are having b/f problems!

You are right though, he is young and maybe he's a bit confused.

You say he is very busy, can you call him or e-mail him and set up a time where you can get together and have a heart to heart?? Try to be as open and honest as possible!

Best of luck!

Keep us posted......

bailey0979 · 02-06-2005, 05:17 AM

on feeling special...try finding a guy who makes you feel special by him looking at you...not other girls looking at him.

Sorry that sounds harsh, but I was with someone who sounds a lot like your b/f.

He was like a pair of really comfortable slippers.....he just sorta fit, and he'd been around so much I didn't know how to not be with him. But I wasn't happy.

My friend told me about a little test. wake up in the morning and tell your self " I am dating ( Insert name)" how do you feel? it was a good indicator that I wasn't happy with him.

If he is unwilling to talk to you about wether or not he even wants to be with you....red flags go up and whistles sound...you don't trust him. WHatever he did was bad enough to shake your faith in him. Trust your instinctscheating is not the only reason to distrust..hurt is hurt.

Find a man to lavish you with love and that "special" feeling. Its amazing when you find it....trust me.

emmylou · 02-07-2005, 01:54 PM

thankyou so much. ur advice was really appreciated, wasnt really expecting anyone to reply, just had to let it out you know?

i can identify with some of the things you said. i especially liked the bit about feeling special about the way he looks at me, not the way other girls look at him - never thought about that before... sometimes i will catch him just starring at me, really looking at me intensley. if anythng though, that makes me feel a bit silly/uncomfortable.

bailey what you said - all of what you said, really hit home... pair of slippers eh? kinda, i mean coz ive been with him so long, it does feel kinda like that. but then im like is that all we have? just that we are comfy together?? no, thats not all.

im sure we have more than that. yes, i do think that when i wake up, when i go to bed - i am dating ***** and i smile (well, when we're not having problems) and i feel good about it. but then is that just becoz i have someone?i dont know. i suppose these are questions im too scared to ask myslef atm. i dont really want to face up to the fact our relationship could end...

i feel like i need to be 110% sure beofre i do anything that might end our relationship. i dont want to end it then in a couple of months/yrs really regret it... maybe thats why im hanging on too.. i dont want to make a mistake - becoz i certainly wont be going back. if it dont work 1st time, it nt gona work a 2nd, or 3rd.. lol! its like my moto... dont go there again, uno?

anyway!(sorry, i do tend to ramble)

i went to see him yesterday (he lives in london, which is about an hour and half train journey away from where i live) and we talked and we have decided to give it another go, but both agree if it goes wrong this time - it just wasnt meant to be. we've both set rules/boundaries of what we are comfortable with etc...

i think we both know theres not really a future though... we want to live in different places. i want to live in the area i was bought up, and he wants to live where he was bought up (like i said hr n half away from me, my family, my friends, i lived with him where he lives for 9months and felt quite lonely without my friends and family)so yeh - suppose we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... i think we both still want to hang in there though, like it would seem a waste just to let go so easily...

am i doing the wrong thing??

thanks again for your imput - its good to get a different perspective

emmylou xXx

TickledPink · 02-07-2005, 03:10 PM

You can never be wrong if you follow your heart! It may not work out in the end, but you won't be wrong!

Best of luck to you guys!

bailey0979 · 02-08-2005, 04:36 AM

Glad I could help.

It's good that you two talked about things..always get it out in the open, it's the only way to work thru anything.

let the future take care of itsel, at its own pace. My current boyfriend and I didn't start our relationship thinking " this is th one" 4 years later I can't see myself with anyone else. The look of love on his face when I see him still amazes me.

It wasn't easy. At first he was very closed off and hard to get to know ( he dosn't let a lot of people in--but once you are in his ineer circle, you never want to leave-or at least I don't)

Keep the lines of communcati0on open, but also stay true to yourself. you set up guidelines, live by them.

I hope things work out and that you two are happy....if it doesn't bear in mind that yu are young and there are Plenty of men who will treat you right if you let them.