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11-01-2006, 09:23 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Missing My Sweet Angel's
Join Date: May 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 2,108
My Mood:  Points: 34,522.32 Bank: 33,414.90 Total Points: 67,937.22 |  Feeling like my time is running out....
Hi ladies, I was talking with my neighbor about how DH and I want to adopt next year etc. I was wanting to get info from her, since I know her sister-in-law just adopted 2 little girls. She told me that they went through the FIA (Family Independence Agency) and that it took 3 years for approval.... 3 YEARS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! She also said that going through the FIA is the cheapest way to adopt (they spent $600.00 dollars total) but that the odds of having a baby/toddler is SMALL, and that the chances of having an abused or unhealthy child is VERY HIGH. Now, I know that abused/sick children deserve safe and loving homes, just as much as anyone else. But coming from an abusive childhood myself, I know personally how hard it will be to get a child to love and trust in DH and I. I just don't know if we are ready for that sort of challenge, or the frustrations/challenges of the healing process that abused children go through. The behavior problems, anger outbursts, violence... etc. I am not trying to be cold hearted or mean, but honestly.. my recovery was/is hard enough, and I am still going through it myself in many ways. I don't know if I could be of any help to a child trying to overcome their nightmare.... if that makes any sense? I just don't feel like I have the strength to wait another 3 years... or more. I don't feel like I can cope with more stress in this waiting process... We can't afford a $20.000 + dollar adoption... We can't afford a surrogate, and I don't think our insurance covers fertility treatments, it doesn't even cover the Clomid I plan to start in January. I am just feeling really angry at myself, my body and I feel hopelessly lost.... I'll be 30 next October, and I feel literally like I am suffocating with this whole TTC process, and that my time is quickly running out. Sorry about this, she just really took my little light of hope and stomped it out... I left her house in tears and I can't stop crying. I have been searching things since I got back, and I am not seeing anything positive, so it looks like she is right on. WHY does everything have to be SO complicated? 
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11-01-2006, 09:53 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: live in north wales in the uk
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kim hugs to you hon xxxxxxx
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SIAN XX
me-24 dh-32
m/c 2004
bfp round 5 clomid bfp march 08 but ended in ectopic.
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BACK ON THE CLOMID CD 3 to 7
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11-02-2006, 04:46 AM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Registered User
Join Date: May 2002 Location: MCDERMOTT, OHIO,USA
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I am so sorry. I too am feeling the time crunch. I am also looking into adoption but I do not have alot of money either. I hope we can support each other through this.
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KIM(32)
DANNY(31)
MARRIED SINCE NOV 1996
MOMMY TO EVAN (4)
Mommy to angel baby
Lost at 7 weeks sept 06 | |
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11-02-2006, 05:41 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Missing My Sweet Angel's
Join Date: May 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 2,108
My Mood: Points: 34,522.32 Bank: 33,414.90 Total Points: 67,937.22 |
Thanks Sainy 
Kim, I would love to have support with this... what have you found so far? I received a few PM's tonight, there was a lot of helpful info I will check into. If it pans out, I'll pass it along! 
I am feeling a bit more positive... but still really lost and confused. Hopefully in the next few weeks/months we will get a good grip on all of this confusion! ***HUGS***
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11-04-2006, 10:14 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Missing Rivelino forever
Join Date: Oct 2003
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((Kim)). I'm so sorry!
I have a friend who is a foster Mom. She's fostering a baby now, and it's looking good for adoption.
Are you open to that route, or would it break your heart too much?
Viv | |
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11-04-2006, 10:14 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Missing My Sweet Angel's
Join Date: May 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 2,108
My Mood: Points: 34,522.32 Bank: 33,414.90 Total Points: 67,937.22 |
Viv, we have thought about that... but I think losing the baby/child back to whoever, would be so hard on me. I form bonds really quick to kids, and it would be very hard for me not to form a bond to a child I was caring for 24/7.
But, we are still considering it.... if we could get a child that didn't have a high chance of going back... but that is probably very unrealistic. Who knows... 
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11-09-2006, 10:13 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | I eated the whole thing?
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Pierre's recliner of rage
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PG AND BABIES MENTIONED
Oh sweetie... your post just really tugged at my heart. I'm so sorry this is so hard on you. I just wanted to tell you of a dear lady I know that is 43... she and her dh had been TTC for too many years to count... she had 4 mc's and 1 ectopic that resulted in the loss of a tube, so a total of 5 babies gone. Once she hit 40, she pretty much lost all hope... but just about 3 weeks ago she gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy, after a surprise BFP last winter. So if she is any example, you still have lots and lots of time.
Adoption is a beautiful thing, too. We were working on adopting from Ethopia last year at this time, and boy did it ever upset me when people said, NOW you'll get pregnant!... um, but that's exactly what happened. Needless to say the adoption is now on the backburner, but I still think that somewhere, someday, there's going to be a sweet little brown baby meant for our family.
You have time, and you have options, though I know what you've gone through up to this point has been really painful. Just wanted to send some prayers and positive vibes your way...
LK | |
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11-09-2006, 10:55 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Missing My Sweet Angel's
Join Date: May 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 2,108
My Mood: Points: 34,522.32 Bank: 33,414.90 Total Points: 67,937.22 |
Thank you LK, ***HUGS***
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