Feeling Lost and Hopeless

loriette · 04-06-2005, 10:35 PM

I have been visiting this board for a year and a half and this is the first time I feel so alone and so hopeless. I m/c (again, for the 3rd time in a row) in March. My heart hurts more then ever. I think this time more so then the others cuz I asked my dr to check my progesterone in Nov and she told she didn't think it was that it was becuz I was producing BAD eggs...now after this m/c all the sudden we are having the progesterone checked and clotting disorders checked...I am so scared I could have prevented this if I just been more aggressive and demanded it to be done. I am losing hope that maybe we just weren't meant to concieve. How do you know when it is time to give up? I don't want to give up, I am not that type of person, usually, but I don't want to feel like this anymore. I guess I just want to know if there is hope after recurrent m/c.

Lori

SheriKCMO · 04-07-2005, 01:26 AM

Sweetie, there is hope. You sound like you need to see a more educated doctor. If I were where you are, I'd look in Columbia. Pcos is not well known. We are very tricky with our crazy hormones, and a lot of doctors have no idea what to do with us, even when we are armed with good questions and information from this site and other places. You deserve to get the care you want and need, and no one has "bad eggs" at your age. If you want to have a healthy pregnancy, demand the care you need. It sounds like progesterone might be responsible, like you suspect, but some of us need a full workup to figure this out.
Hugs!
Sheri

VivC · 04-07-2005, 02:13 PM

I'm sorry. A second opinion certainly can't hurt anything. I'm sorry your doc is an idiot. There are lots of them around...

saluki_fan · 04-07-2005, 03:21 PM

Loriette - I started the RPL testing process yesterday and thought I'd tell you about it. the RE told me that he is "very hopeful" that DH and I will get PG and have a baby (sadly, they are 2 separate events!) with minimal expenses, once we get to the root of the problems.

The RE we saw yesterday is in the St Louis (West County/Creve Coeur area) and yesterday both me and DH liked him a lot. We left feeling more positive about ourselves. His name is Dr. Peter Ahlering and his website is www.haveababy.com (you'll have to surf around to find the details on the STL location). Anyway, if you wanted to come to STL and see him I'm sure you could even stay w/me if you wanted (guess we should talk first though!). I only live about 2 miles from his office.

Anyway, this is what happened. I posted this on other threads too, so I apologize if some of you have to suffer thru my rambling twice, but here goes:

Most of you probably know this - yesterday we started the RPL testing process; they drew about 7 vials of blood from me and since I was on CD3 yesterday, suggested we move forward with things ASAP. I am having the hysteroscopy done next week to look for scar tissue or anything else funky in my uterus. I am worried that the quack of a doctor I had before switching to the new one messed up on the D&C in August, although she swore up and down she was "really gentle" and they used a suction technique for most of it. He also focused more on DH than I expected him to - his morphology is a bit on the low side, although he has plenty of swimmers and their motility is good. He also has had white blood cells in his last 2 semen analyses (even after treatment with antibiotics), which is not ideal. He had a hernia surgery about 5 years ago, and the RE suspects the pressure from the hernia may have affected his reproductive system by inflamming something, which is causing the white blood cells. So the RE is going to check him over as well. I'll keep everyone posted as things progress. The RE said he felt confident that he'll be able to help us, and also thinks that last 2 may have just been due to implantation failure, and reminded me that 50% of fertilized eggs do not implant. Anyway, I'm not going to take Clomid until the bloodwork results come back and the hysteroscopy is done - so that would mean I'll start it next month at the earliest.

If any of you have questions, feel free to post here or email me.

Meghan

loriette · 04-08-2005, 01:15 AM

Sheri~ Thanks for the hugs! I sure needed them. I had an RE doc in Jefferson City who dx me and he told me to lose weight and my symptoms would go away and when I was ready to have another child to call him. I was devestated...at the time, I didn't even know what pcos was. I got on line and started researching and found you all...I have not went back since. I am seeing my ob/gyn right now. You are right, Columbia is the next place to go.

Viv~ I am planning on it. I just need time to breath for a minute...

Meghan~ Aww...you are so sweet! I have been following your story and praying you get some answers. Thanks for all the info. I am going to check out your doc web site.

Lori

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 04-08-2005, 12:58 PM

Lori,
You are using my quote, so that already tells me that you are not ready to give up. besides, nobody else can tell you when it's time to give up. Maybe you just need some time, and some more information before trying again. I'm having RPL testing done right now. So far we have found a clotting disorder and I'm having an HSG later this month. I'm using this time for healing and I'm having a minor surgery done that I've been putting off because for the past year I've either been pregnant, trying to get pg, or thinking I might be. I'm also seeing a therapist who has also had a 2nd trimester loss herself, and going to two diffrent support groups.

Allow yourself some time to heal and you will make the decision that's right for you.

Gina

loriette · 04-08-2005, 11:06 PM

Gina~
You made me cry. You are right, I don't want to give up yet. Hope you don't mind me using your quote...I found it and sometimes it is the only thing that makes me keep pushing on. I think when I posted it was at my lowest point. I called my dr and got a referal so I can talk to someone about everything I have been feeling. I am doing a serial progesterone right now. I started it yesterday. I am officially on a break for two months until they know about my progesterone. I hope I have answers soon and I hope you find yours also.

Lori

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 04-09-2005, 12:47 AM

:o I think we should all chant that quote!
I came up with that in one of my support group meetings. Someone asked me how I could go on to have another pg. Without thinking, those words just came out of my mouth. I've been repeating them ever since.

I'm glad that helps you!

Gina

SheriKCMO · 04-09-2005, 01:51 AM

Lori,
Weight loss really does help us, if we find a way to actually lose it. With the help of metformin to control my insulin level, lowering my carb intake and eventually adding regular exercise caused me to get on the road to good health. It caused me to conceive as well. Many women around here tell similar stories. But any doctor who simply tells a cyster to lose weight and doesn't arm her with the tools to accomplish it is a fool. We've all tried, I am certain! It's just another case of doctors who don't know sh!t or don't care enough to help people effectively.
I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better.
Hang in there,
Sheri

saluki_fan · 04-09-2005, 12:48 PM

Gina, I am using your quote now too. Hope you do not mind. It gives me hope.