Just feeling very alone.....my depression is so low, the whole thing with my b/f I posted about, my friends have different work schedules than me so it's hard to see them even if I can get myself out....switching back to meds.....gah.
Sometimes I just wonder if anyone could ever love me. People always tell me how lucky a guy would be to be with me, etc. but that never materializes. I'm 25 and I've had one real boyfriend (same one mentioned in post! lol), and wouldn't you know it, depression came in from the other side and wrecked that. I'm not desperately seeking someone at ALL, right now I don't think I could have a relationship, but it seems like things are just passing me by. Like I'm always going to be the friend or aquaintance.
I want some self worth. I just don't know what else to do to get well. I feel like I've tried almost everything. Just really frustrated and tired, you know?
Marit
__________________ -29 year old female, dx 2005, symptoms ~10 years
-High testosterone, cortisol, aldosterone, androstenedione, free androgen index, no apparent insulin resistance however
-off all hormone meds since having pulmonary embolism in August 2009
-Main symptoms: weight gain (especially annoying in mid-section/abdomen), high androgens, very low progesterone, no periods unless on OC
-fortunate to have very good bp, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc., no hirsutism.
Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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Oh Marit, I wish we could validate you enough to feel self-worth. From what I can tell, you write really well and therefore are intelligent and from what I can see, you are very beautiful. I agree, any man would be lucky to have you.
You need to boost your self-esteem by doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Personally, I went back to school because school is something I excel at. It did boost my opinion of myself. Perhaps you're into art or writing or synchronized swimming.....anything to get yourself out there and doing something that makes you happy.
Obviously you don't want to go the meds route, but perhaps it would be for the best. At least go talk to someone and get everything out.
PM me if you feel like talking, and definitely keep us informed about how you are feeling.
(((((HUGS)))))
Heather
__________________ Heather 28
DH: Mike 30
DD: Hailey Susan
DX January 2002 through lap
Furbaby: Toby, my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
+HPT 4/7/04
Hailey Susan born December 12, 2004
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+HPT 10/10/06
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Thanks Heather......I don't mind trying meds, just in the middle of switching again. *sigh*
I just feel like my stupid heart is breaking, STILL.
I'm an ancient art replica artist, but I just do not have the motivation. I can barely get through work. Everything seems kinda dissociated right now.
Thanks for you kind words.
__________________ -29 year old female, dx 2005, symptoms ~10 years
-High testosterone, cortisol, aldosterone, androstenedione, free androgen index, no apparent insulin resistance however
-off all hormone meds since having pulmonary embolism in August 2009
-Main symptoms: weight gain (especially annoying in mid-section/abdomen), high androgens, very low progesterone, no periods unless on OC
-fortunate to have very good bp, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc., no hirsutism.
Wow Marit, that is an incredible job and talent! I completely understand where you are coming from. My insurance wouldn't pay for my Zoloft and so I was switched to Prozac for awhile and it was just Hell for me. I also know what it feels like to feel so disconnected. Sometimes I feel that way every day, and it's so hard but you need to remember that you are special, and people care so much for you.
I'm going to bed for the night. I hope tomorrow you will be feeling a little better. Again, keep us informed.
Heather
__________________ Heather 28
DH: Mike 30
DD: Hailey Susan
DX January 2002 through lap
Furbaby: Toby, my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
+HPT 4/7/04
Hailey Susan born December 12, 2004
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+HPT 10/10/06
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Heather was absolutely right in her post. You really do sound as if you have a lot going for you, but I know that's no help unless you believe it yourself. I really do wish I could prescribe us all a big dollop of self-esteem. When I have a bad day, and all I want to do is curl up and veg, I just try to remember small points of joy in my life, pieces of music, favourite places, flowers. Pamper yourself a little if you can, you are worth it, you know.
I hate to see people hurting, because I've been there, you know? I think we all have at some point in our lives struggled with self-worth, and it's a battle. Loving yourself is the first big step, sweetie. Hang in there.
*HUGS*
__________________
"Life is full of blessings, not all are seen."
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Marit, I just wanted to tell you I am sorry that you are going through a tough time in your life, my thoughts are with you. Hang in there.
__________________ Mandy - 28 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it. HE is my rock. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I will be in saskatoon visiting family in august! I can't wait to shop!
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad. I understand how you feel, it's so hard isn't it? It's hard to have high self esteem when we feel this way, but from what I understand that is the ONE thing we can definetly control, is our attitudes. I am 28, not much older than you, and I still haven't figured out how to love me, so I understand where you are coming from. All I can say is that by coming here I feel better when I think all is hopeless. You seem like a very smart, talented, sweet woman, and I wish you happiness, and soon! If you need anything come and talk to us, we understand.
__________________ DX April 17, 2002
"How does one become a butterfly?" she asked pensively.
"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."
(((hugs))) I hope you feel better real soon. I hate to see people sad and I know that you will find that special someone real soon. Just hang in there.
__________________ Amy Diagnosed with PCOS in 2002 irregular cycles Metformin 850mg 2x a day To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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If that photo in your avatar is you, you should know that you are beautiful. And, since you are an artist, you have talent.
You can write beautifully, you are intelligent.
Hmm...beauty, talent, intellegence,---seems to me you just haven't met someone worthy of you, not the other way around.
Sure. Make me cry. You guys are the best, you can't believe how much I appreciate your words....
Marit
__________________ -29 year old female, dx 2005, symptoms ~10 years
-High testosterone, cortisol, aldosterone, androstenedione, free androgen index, no apparent insulin resistance however
-off all hormone meds since having pulmonary embolism in August 2009
-Main symptoms: weight gain (especially annoying in mid-section/abdomen), high androgens, very low progesterone, no periods unless on OC
-fortunate to have very good bp, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc., no hirsutism.
You know you'd do the same for us--we are all in this together, for better or worse. Thanks for the gift, Marit. And you know there is always someone on here who'll listen, try to help, or maybe just have a good cry with you.
Feeling so alone 
