Feeling So Alone

Miss Maren · 07-22-2005, 08:20 PM

Gosh I hate whining, I really do. My life is going great now, I mean everything around me is great. My daddy is in remission from Lymphoma (got the news yesterday), my hubby passed his dissertation for his Ph.D in Physics, I'm going back to college in January, I've lost 22 pounds, etc. Things are well, but there are these times that are coming more and more often now of overwhelming loneliness. It isn't a depression that I've felt or anything like that before, I just feel so damn alone and I don't know what is going on. I will be okay for a few hours and now I am literally in tears. What is going on?!

Anyone go through this? *sigh*

mmariee88 · 07-22-2005, 08:43 PM

I am very sorry you are feeling like that. Have you ever been on meds for it. You know you are not alone with all your cysters here. Most of us feel your pain. Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking with when you feel like this......good friend, mom, hubby, someone?

yesimln · 07-22-2005, 08:57 PM

I'm sooooo sorry you are feeling this way today. I hope you know that you aren't alone. That's what a pain-in-the-#@*($& depression can be - you have all these great reasons to be happy and yet somehow you can't feel it and then you feel worse. Oh, I remember those days... not fun.

Accept the good vibes that are being sent your way from all the Cysters! I'm sending some right now!!

Miss Maren · 07-22-2005, 09:00 PM

You are so kind. I am on Lexapro and I've been doing fabulous. I see a psychiatrist. The only thing I can think is that I am away from my family. I live in Illinois w/DH and the rest of my family is in Texas. The last time I saw them was over a year ago. We can't afford to see them, nor they see me. I lost my grandmother in April. I lived with her for a few years when I was a child, then after that she took care of me after school and during the summer when my mom had to work. We were so close. I couldn't even afford to go to her funeral.

My dad has been battling lymphoma and now is in remission, but damn I just wanted to hold him and tell him it would be okay. I haven't been able to make many friends up here, and it just gets so lonely. I'm sitting here sobbing like a fool.

Thanks for reaching out to me, it means more than you can know.

paigettie · 07-22-2005, 09:04 PM

How often do you see your psychiatrist? If it doesn't go away soon, or if it keeps up, mention it to him/her. It is a form of depression, and can be worse than feeling sad. (atleast when you feel sad you feel something...)

My heart goes out to you, hope you feel better very soon...
Paige

Miss Maren · 07-22-2005, 09:12 PM

Paige, thank you. I am guessing not enough lately. I've been doing so well that the last time I saw her was over a month ago. I do really need to talk to her. She is brilliant and can help me, it's just a matter of the two hour drive I have to schedule in.

Thank you Paige for listening. I just got off the phone with my daddy, just sobbing to him, like he needs that, but he says he understands completely, that we all get like this sometimes and our family has been through the ringer lately. I've been trying to be strong for so long now and I think it's hitting me now.

mmariee88 · 07-22-2005, 09:21 PM

Can you take a trip to see him? Might be you need a different medicine too. Hope ou feel better soon.

yesimln · 07-22-2005, 09:36 PM

Sweetie, I'm in IL too (near Chicago) if you need a friend tonight. You can IM me at Yahoo if you want to talk. I'll be home really soon. HUGS!

paigettie · 07-22-2005, 10:10 PM

Quote:

I've been trying to be strong for so long now and I think it's hitting me now.

One thing I've learned through working with ds's psychologist (& my dear associate) is how amazing the human spirit is during "crisis" You hold together very well, tend to be higher functioning, and then when the crisis is over, or settling, or even turning long term, everything falls apart. He has seen it time and time again, I have seen it with ds and even experienced it once or twice myself....

I suspect your daddy isn't at all stressed out about your crying to him and is just glad he can be around to help you hold on.

I hope you are able to work out your schedule soon. Your Psychiatrist sounds wonderful!

Paige

heather090702 · 07-22-2005, 10:18 PM

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! I can echo what everyone else said but it just gets repetitive. What never can be said too much is that we are here for you! If you need anything at all, please feel free to PM me. Keep us updated.

Heather

Miss Maren · 07-22-2005, 10:24 PM

Thank you everyone. I can't see him because we are both broke. We are hoping that will change in a year or less.

I think I've just been holding everything that has happened these past few months completely in, trying to be strong for everyone, and now that everyone is okay, I just let go and had a little meltdown. If it continues, I will see what else I can do.

Again, I cannot thank my cysters enough for reaching out to me.

Miss Maren · 07-23-2005, 04:51 AM

Ellen, I am in Aurora, so if you ever need to talk too, you can always PM me and I'd be happy to call you.

Paige, my Psychiatrist said that thanks to my childhood being so traumatic, I'm more comfortable and "high functioning" when things are at their worst. It's what I am used to. Now I am trying to get used to having a normal life, and I suspect it's the same thing as you said.

My Daddy was happy to help, I could tell, and I told him over and over again how very much I love him and miss him. He understands these things happen.

Heather, thanks for reaching out to me.

Thank all of you again. I am feeling better now, I just am getting used to a lot of changes and I think I'm overwhelmed and needed someone to talk to.

*HUGS TO YOU ALL*

heather090702 · 07-23-2005, 01:20 PM

I'm really glad you are feeling a little better. We all get overwhelmed sometimes, so it is really nice to have a place like this where we can get the support we need. Take care.

Heather

amanda_gail_81 · 07-23-2005, 08:11 PM

I just wanted to offer *hugs* and let you know that you are totally not alone. I am completely going through the same thing. I hope that you get some answers that really help you find the cause of your lonliness, I am so glad I have cysters to walk this road with. Take care!

Miss Maren · 07-23-2005, 08:14 PM

Thank you Heather, thank you Amanda. Although I wouldn't want anyone to feel like this, it is nice to know I'm not alone. I'm overwhelmingly touched by all of you reaching out to me. It means more to me than you can know. You are all very special ladies.

*HUGS*