Feeling sorry for myself

writergirl74 · 07-02-2006, 09:48 PM

I was diagnosed with PCOS 13 years ago. You'd think that by now, I would have learned how to deal with it, but I'm more depressed than ever. I was lucky enough to have had kids. From the first pregnancy 9 years ago, until a couple months ago, my PCOS symptoms were better - they hadn't gone away, but at least I was getting sort-of regular periods (every 30-36 days). All of a sudden my periods went back to the way they were before I had kids. I am on day 52 and counting. My face is broken out. I am gaining weight despite the fact that I am exercising more than ever (3-4 times a week, cardio - not anything that would be causing me to gain weight from muscle). I made a lot of positive dietary changes, I cut out soda and candy and fast food. It just doesn't make sense that I am gaining so much weight.

I feel like my body has betrayed me and is totally out of control. My clothes aren't fitting me anymore. And with all my weight collecting around my middle, people ask me if I'm pregnant all the time. My sister is getting married and at her bridal shower, relatives I haven't seen in years asked me if I was pregnant again. Never mind that I am back in school and a year away from finishing my bachelor's degree, or that I've had a lot of recent success as a freelance writer. The only thing that seems to matter to people when they see me is how I look and they all seem so disappointed in me because they think I let myself go and remember when I used to be thin.

I'm just feeling totally sorry for myself today. I wish that I was normal and that if I exercised regularly and changed my diet, it would actually result in me LOSING weight instead of gaining it. People look at me and make assumptions that I don't do any of those things and don't care about the achievements I'm making in my life, and I can tell that the few people I tell about having PCOS think I'm just making excuses for why I'm overweight. I know PCOS isn't cancer and therefore I feel bad complaining about it. I just wish had a normal body and had some control over what it does.

dachshundqueen · 07-02-2006, 10:03 PM

I am sorry that your PCOS symptoms have returned. It sounds like you need to schedule a follow-up with your RE/OB-GYN/whomever handles your care.

Good luck and I hope you get satisfactory treatment that resolves your symptoms soon.

I was really feeling dreadful for a long time, but we can overcome!!!

Hugs!

Liz

writergirl74 · 07-03-2006, 04:31 AM

Thank you for your nice reply.

I was happy to see that someone responded.

I would really like to go into the doctor and find out what's going on. My mom went through menopause very young, when she was only a couple years older than me, and I'd like to have my hormone levels tested to see if that's what is happening too. Unfortunately my husband has been unemployed for five months and we don't have insurance, so I can't really afford to go see the doctor.

Sooner or later, I guess this will pass, right?

jusagamom · 07-09-2006, 05:14 PM

Wow.. you just expressed what I am feeling like today. I hope that you are feeling much better because this just stinks. It took my docs forever to find out what was "wrong" with me, and when they did, they handed me some pills (Metformin) and said to lose weight. It is just so frustrating. So after going it on my own for two years, I began begging my doctors to refer me to a dietician but they just kept telling me to lose at least 15 pounds and THEN they would give me a referal.

I am finishing up my bachelor's in nursing and when I finally took a nutrition class I went straight to my doctor and threatened, bullied, and harrassed him into referring me to a dietician. I know how it is "supposed" to work, and I am doing what I should be doing, but it is the same old thing. I am working out for 45 minutes a day cardio (either bike, treadmill, or eliptical) and also lifting low weights (1 set of 15) three days a week to boost my metabolism, but the weight just wont drop. I'm sitting here at 235 lbs on a 5'4'' frame, eating healthy (while watching everyone else eats crap) and see them looking at me like I am a lazy slob who must be binge eating when no one else is looking. I don't even bother explaining PCOS anymore. My mother doesn't even believe me, why should co-workers?

I have accomplished so much in my life, but all that people see is my weight. Thank God my husband supports me, but even he is confused as to why I am not losing weight. I am so depressed that I don't even want to interact with my family anymore. I just want to lay in bed and watch TV.. hide away from the world, etc. My brother died last year due to a massive heart attack (at the age of 32) and he wasn't even overweight. I want so bad to be healthy... not even "skinny" at this point.

Anyway, my point to all of this is that I really related to what you wrote and wanted to say thanks for posting. I'll quite feeling sorry for myself and keep moving forward, but in the meantime it is good to know I'm not alone.

Thanks for listening!

Shootergirl74 · 07-10-2006, 03:26 AM

Hang in there.. ...I can honestly say I know how you feel. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, and for months my friends kept telling me I was depressed and should go to the Dr and have them prescribe anti-depressants. Because of this website I now have learned more about this awful symdrome. But I tell myself everyday I am not dying of some horrible disease. Like I said hang in there....tommorows a new day!!

Jaxanne · 07-10-2006, 08:52 AM

Ohhh, I so understand. Everyone thinks I'm a big, fat slob and that I'm lazy. I am tired all of the time but I know that it's not my fault. I, too, used to be skinny and now when people see me they are shocked. Even one of my best friends told my other best friend that she "couldn't believe I let myself go." We were at the beach a couple of weeks ago and she says to me "I just don't understand, you used to be so skinny." I said "yes, I enjoy being fat and hairy with bad skin. In fact, I hope to stay this way forever." I love her dearly, but she is not the most tactful person in the world. I continued "And besides, I'm happily married, have a beautiful house and a husband who makes alot of money; you on the other hand, may be skinny but you live in your friend's spare bedroom and can't find a man." I know that sounds really conceited and mean, but she deserved it!