Astrolaura

Grrrrrrrrrr. I hate this moodyness (moodiness?) I've been having lately. I'm not really depressed, at least I don't think so. Let me start at the beginning.....

Two and a half weeks ago my ob/gyn tentatively diagnosed PCOS. Fine. Whatever. Just fix me please. It's no big deal right? We didn't want any more kids anyway. It is a big deal though. It means that I have to go back on hormones and BCP hormones and I do not get along well. My BP usually goes up and after a while I get constant headaches. I had a tubal 2 years ago so I wouldn't have to take any dang hormones. It also means I have to quit smoking. Age, hormones and nicotine don't mix. Fine. I'll ask my PCP for Wellbutrin to help me along. She gives me an Rx no problem. I start the hormones (Nuvaring since it's such a low dose) and 4 days later the Wellbutrin. Everything is fine for 4 days. Then I lose my appetite. Totally lose my appetite. I can't eat a thing. It takes me 3 hours to eat one Power Bar. Ok, that's due to all the drugs, it'll pass. Then I start to have panic attacks. Ok, that's just the drugs, it'll pass in a day or two right? Then I get moody and nasty. Ok, just the drugs right? It'll pass. Then I find myself crying uncontrolably for hours on end. It *is* the drugs and I'm not taking the Wellbutrin anymore since that's probaby causing those nasty side effects. So I stop taking it, my appetite comes back, but I still can't eat much, but I am eating. The panic attacks astop as quickly as they'd started. I'm still moody, but that's probably the hormones. A week goes by and I feel ok, just tired and moody. Today, more than two weeks into this mess and I can't stop crying again. Is it the hormones? I hope it's not the hormones, I can't stop them or AF will come back and be awful or not come back at all for a few months, then come back when I least expect it.

So maybe it's not just the drugs and hormones, maybe it is me. There is no cure for this. I have uterine polyps and endo as well. I can have a D&C and ablation, but that won't sure the PCOS and endo, just make AF lighter (in theory) and take care of the polyps. That only takes care of half the problem. I could have a hysterectomy. A total hysterectomy would certainly cure me, but I'd have to take hormones, and I can't take hormones for very long since we don't get along, yadda yadda yadda, BP and all that other happy horse pucky. They could just take my uterus and leave the ovaries. That would mean no hormones. It wouldn't cure the PCOS or endo though. So I can't win and I'm feeling moody and pissed off about it. The hormones aren't helping I'm sure. Oh, I did manage to quit smoking, but it's made me homicidally angry at the world. I honestly don't want to even leave the house.

ARGH!! I'm all tubalized so I won't have to take hormones and now I have to take hormones.

I need a nap.

Laura

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