This may be too sad a question for those who are newly in mourning.
Isaac's due date anniversary is coming up in a month. When he died we had him cremated and we have the ashes here at home. I never intended to keep them, while I know that some people find a lot of comfort in having their baby's ashes in an urn, it has never been what I wanted, I always intended to let his ashes go eventually. For a while I wasn't ready to, but now I do feel ready. However, I have no idea what to do with them. While I don't feel like they are "him" I do want to let them go with dignity and some place that feels right. I keep hoping something will come to me and it just hasn't. Did anyone here either release their baby's ashes or find a final resting place for them? If we had a family home where we knew we'd always live we'd bury them by his tree, but we may not be in this home forever and I do want them to end up some place I can always visit.
Aviva
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We also had our baby girl cremated and we released her ashes under a tree beside a playground in a beautiful park. The park is in our neighborhood and when I was pregnant with her I used to take a walk with DH there, and I always told my baby in utero that mommy would take you to this playground one day.
Soon I'll be taking my boy to the playground, sitting under the tree and missing my angel baby...
__________________ Jessica (30), Hubby (34)
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My baby was cremated with all the other babies who died at the hospital during a certain time period. They have a memorial garden for them where the ashes were spread, coincidentally a day after my due date. I like going there to "visit" him although I do wish it was in a more quiet place where I could sit and cry and talk to him without feeling like everyone is looking at me.
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sometimes you guys just make me cry...and i can just picture you sitting under your tree Powerpuff...what a beautiful image...sighhhhhhhhhhh...
anyway, aviva, i'm sort of in the same boat except i'm not anywhere ready to let them go yet, but one idea my husband had was at a local cemetary here they have a 'Garden of Angels'...where the ashes are left in a flower garden and every year flowers grow around them...i thought it would be a place to visit...but right now the urn sits in my dining room with their picture and dried flowers...i cant see them anywhere else just yet...
i havent been able to plant anything here myself cuz we will eventually move and i want to know they will be somewhere accessible no matter where i am...but i'm wishing you well with your decision...
[[[hugs]]]
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I'm not much help, either. Our plan is that Rivi will be buried with whichever one of us dies first. Of course, since my marriage is falling apart, I'm envisioning a big custody battle in the meantime, which might mean having to bury him alone in the ground (which breaks my heart).
Do you think you'll at least be in the same area forever? Most cemeteries have baby sections, where it doesn't cost much for the plot (they don't need much room - now I'm REALLY crying - why the hell do they need a whole section?).
My stepmom still hasn't scattered my Dad's ashes at sea as he wanted (he died 5/8/01). She just can't let go. I'd wait until you come up with the perfect spot.
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I'm hoping that you will spot the scene instantly when you see it and know in your heart that it is right. I suggest driving out into the countryside a little bit and check out some options, even like a state park with a forest. Since you love horses, it would be great to find a pasture you would be able to visit again (I have no idea how that would work, but it's what I envision.). On the way to the country cemetery where my grandfather is buried, we passed a field with a donkey lying next to the fence... I told Brad it was 100% appropriate because of how stubborn my grandpa was, so I felt like he was in the right place.
What about a botanical garden? A zoo? I like the playground idea. I hate that we have to think of such things. And I'm sorry you have this due date anniversary coming up. ((hugs))
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A friend on mine spread most of the ashes at the beach where she loves to go. She kept a some of the ashes and sewed it inside a red heart and put that inside the most squishable teady bear ever. Whenever she feels she needs a hug, she hugs the teddy bear and feels like she is also hugging her son. The bear sits in different places around the house and any and everyone is able to hold and hug the bear whenever they want. Sometimes when I am there, I just sit with the bear on my lap.
I'm sure it may sound really gross to some and it's not something I would have thought of but I swear it is so comforting. When someone is having a bad day, they really want to hold the bear.
__________________ Joann - old enough to know better
You don't have to see the whole staircase,
just take the first step.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
You ask people why they have deer heads on the wall. They always say, "Because it's such a beautiful animal." There you go. I think my mother's attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Ellen DeGeneres
AvivaElona - I truly hope you are able to find the perfect place for your little one. Somewhere you can go to often in peace and solitude to cry, rejoice, talk, whatever you need. Maybe the woods in a little glade, or somewhere like that? Please keep us posted on wherever you find.
OmShantiOm - That sounds like just an incredible thing your friend did, not a gross thing at all. It's wonderful to be able to hug whenever you want and touch as well. I only wish I had thought of something similar for my first loss.
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I truly hope that you can find a beautiful, quite spot where you can spread his ashes. Somewhere where you can be alone with him and talk to him and cry and feel at peace.
I totally love the idea of the teddy bear. I think it's an awesome idea and so not gross at all.
I guess you would have to know if you are going to always stay in the area that you are in so that you could always go whenever you want. I also like the idea of a park. Maybe not so much of a children's park but like a botanical park with lots of beautiful flowers and trees. So when you need to be private you can.
Good Luck with your search. I can't imagine how hard this is for you.
I just thought I would add this idea, too. There are beautiful pieces of jewelry made to hold a small amount of the ashes. It's a beautiful way to keep a little of your baby with you all the time. Some people may find it morbid, but I think it's wonderful. Here's a link to one site that sells them...
I like the teddy bear idea, too! I have Rivi's urn, and I hug it all the time. But a squishy teddy bear would be MUCH more comfy to cuddle.
A friend gave me a 3-foot long golden retriever stuffed puppy (also squishy) after Rivi died. She said to hug it whenever I needed to (it lives on my sofa). I wish I'd thought to put some of his ashes in there.
I feel as though its not my place because I've never been through this. I'm sorry for your losses cysters...I thought that this was a beautiful thread and felt like I needed to input something. Understanding that you may not live in that house forever but why not spread them in a place where you love like someone had suggested...Is there maybe a special vacation spot that your family goes to? Why not near a waterfall, I've always invisioned angels near water playing laughing watching and that to me seems like the perfect place. Water...Something that is always moving, spreading joy to many. Just my thoughts though...Good luck in your decision in your heart you know where to let your lil angel go.
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Do you know anyone who lives in Canada, Australia, the UK who would want to be in on a ground floor opportunity? If so, please let me know who they are!
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Can you still put some of his ashes in there? If that's what you want to do, I say go for it. Most urns can still be opened and the ashes are usually just in a simple baggie type bag. You can take what you want and close it back up. Or they can do it for you at the mortuary.
I had a patient that wanted some of his ashes spread at the local pier but his mother would have freaked since it's against her religion. I picked up the ashes and the mortician took the urn in the back and took out a small amount for me so I could spread them. His mother never knew and he got what he wanted.
__________________ Joann - old enough to know better
You don't have to see the whole staircase,
just take the first step.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
You ask people why they have deer heads on the wall. They always say, "Because it's such a beautiful animal." There you go. I think my mother's attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Ellen DeGeneres
final resting place? 
