Finding the motivation to beat this depression (kinda long)
Hi all you gals. I am in a real rut right now and I just can't seem to find the motivation to dig myself out of it. This time last year I was doing so well...and now I feel like my life has done a complete 180 degree turn.
Let me start from a year ago. A year ago I had just gotten down to my goal weight of 125. I had all of my insulin levels and testosterone levels down to normal and I was in the best shape of my life. The only sign I had that PCOS was still with me, was the absence of my periods(only sporatic periods). THEN...I lost my job. Well, for awhile I was really pounding the pavement searching for another job. It took me about 2 months, but I finally found another one. However, this one wasn't suited to me at all and I had to quit it. I think that was the catalyst that started my decline. I felt really rotten within myself that I couldn't handle that job & I guess I sort of gave up. I stopped actively seeking jobs. I'll do a 1 day temp job here and there, but that's it. I honestly feel within myself that it's almost as if it's too much effort to go out and look for a job. Most of what I do now is stay up all night watching TV and sleeping all day. I've gained back probably 20 lbs of the weight I had taken off (I dare not actually step on the scales) and I'm telling you...I just feel rotten about myself. I know that I'm depressed and I've always had panic attacks and mild social anxiety disorder but they're worse now. (And I can't even take medication for any of that because I'm too scared to)
And I'm SOOO embarrased about the way that I'm living. I wouldn't even call this living. I'm just existing. I hate feeling like this, but it's like I can't motivate myself to get off my butt and change anything.
Can anyone relate at all? Any advice?
-QueenSam =^..^=
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Oh, i'm so sorry to hear this! yes, i can relate b/c i've found myself doing the same things in the past~its no fun at all! we only get one shot at life, so please don't take it for granted. What is your true passion??? What would you love to have as a job??? you need to find something that you love and cling to it to get you thru this. don't worry about the weight gain~you got to your goal b4 and you can do it again, but you need to be in the right frame of mind first. may i ask, why are you afraid to take anti depressants??? i am on Prozac and its done me worlds of good! b4 Prozac, i would cry and cry for no reason, be so unhappy and terrible to dh~are you afraid of the medicine or afraid to open up and tell your doctor that you're having these problems????? i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
Please get yourself to a Dr. or therapist. It sounds as though your body is going through quite a whirlwind. It's hard enough pulling your life together after what you went through, with out having to deal with depression/anxiety as well. It would be easy for me to tell you to get yourself a new job and exercise etc. But, that's not so easy to do when you are dealing with a physical problem as well, which you are. Depression/anxiety are physical disorders and you need more help than a board can give you. We're here for you, though if you need to talk. Anytime. Please seek some outside help. Let me know how you're doing. I care. Hugs to you, Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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Thanks for your replys. I really appreciate all the thoughts. Unfortunately, I can't afford a dr or therapist at the moment. The reason that I can't take the medication is because I have a phobia about medicines. (prescription meds anyway) I read about all of the side effects that meds can cause and then I start thinking that I'm having them. Odd, I know! So, that's why I don't want to take anything. Plus, I know that if I could just get out of this funk I wouldn't need the medication.
I did take a step in the right direction today. I got up and went to an employment agency. I've also gotten back on a good sleep pattern. I also plan to get back on my moderate carb diet. I don't feel like incorporating exercise into my routine yet -- but hopefully when I start feeling better I will.
I'm sure I'll get thru this, but it just sucks feeling this way right now.
Thank you all for your support!
-QueenSam
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Queen Sam, just wanting to let you know that I'm thinking about. Wanted to wish you luck with the job hunt. Let us know how it goes. Sounds like you are really working hard to beat this. I know that going to an agency had to have been a really hard step.
How bout herbals, are you herbal phobic too? Sam-e is suppose to be a really good natural anti-depressant. Just a thought that it might give you a helping hand. It would be really hard to be phobic of the product that could help you get over your phobia.
Hugs, Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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Finding the motivation to beat this depression (kinda long) 
