First Loss

hethry6207 · 09-26-2009, 10:32 AM

We were 9 weeks this past Wednesday, and there was no heartbeat on the U/S. After two years of TTC with PCOS and other issues, we thought this was our miracle. We survived a sub-chorionic bleed at 6 weeks, and without reason, this week the heartbeat was gone. I feel as though we have to go thru this twice, because we saw the sonogram and that was devastating. Now, my doctor says I will m/c within two weeks (or a D&C if I don't), so we have to go thru that pain as well.

We go back Monday for a follow-up U/S just in case something was missed, but we've seen the HB before now so I'm finding it really hard to have faith. We're trying to be strong but it hurts so bad, after wanting it so much. I do ok during the day, but at night I have bad/sad dreams about babies or a m/c, etc. It makes me dread the night.

I just don't understand why things like this happen, and I'm not far enough past it to claim any understanding or healing yet.

*Heth*

TDoern · 09-26-2009, 01:56 PM

Heth-

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had the words to say to make you feel better, I wish they existed, but I'm afraid they don't.

As hubby and I tried for 8 years before finally getting our BFP - and were at 22 weeks when we lost our Christopher - I can't say I understand your exact pain, but I can sympathize with it.

There are so many days it just feels like a sick joke to try so hard for a baby, for so long, and then to have that baby taken.

At the same time, there was a reason for this. I may never understand why, but I truly believe that there was a reason for this.

The best words I can give you is to give yourself time. How much time, I don't know. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel because trying to bury it doesn't work either. We lost our Christopher on July 4th, and I'm still struggling. Try to understand that people are going to say things they think would be helpful, but they will probably hurt. I heard things like 'at least now you know you can get pregnant' and 'you can always have another', people don't realize how hurtful those things can be.

If you want/need to PM me feel free. The ladies here will also all try to offer whatever they can. I am so sorry you are going through this, and I don't have any answers, but I care, and I'm here if you need to talk.

ready2conceive · 09-26-2009, 11:12 PM

Heth~I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to deal with...I too know first hand. I had one loss, ectopic, and a second loss at 7wk 2d. We seen the hb twice and 2 days later there was no hb. It was gut wrenching to have to go through that. I started bleeding and went to ER on a Saturday and baby was fine. I then started bleeding heavily that following Tuesday and by then the hb stopped. We thought we m/c naturally but at the u/s the baby was still in there. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I feel all the emotions just reading your story. Please feel free to PM me as well if you need to talk. Talking helped me a little bit.

TDoern · 09-27-2009, 06:34 PM

Heth - I just wanted to say I'm stilling thinking of you, and praying for you. We are all here if you need/want us to be. *hugs*

kmarisco · 09-28-2009, 11:03 PM

I'm right there with you, Heth. Last Wednesday's ultrasound, when I should have been 7w6d, showed no hb and that the baby had stopped growing at 6w1d. I had a d&c on Friday and I think that helped bring some closure, but I still am so sad. I just miss being pregnant and miss the hope of what that little bean would become. Please pm me if you'd like to talk. It's good to find strength in others going through the same thing. I definitely have no answers I can give you to help with the pain as I haven't figured it out yet myself, but at least we'll both know that we're not the only ones going through this. Thanks to all of you cysters who have been through this before and are willing to share your strength.

snfr02chic · 09-30-2009, 07:43 AM

I am going through it with you. I started bleeding on Saturday and they found no HB when I went to the ER. It's now Wed and I'm still in an immense about of pain with a lot of bleeding and going in today to talk to them about a d&C...in my case I want it done. It's enough to suffer emotionally without having to physically suffer as well. I will be praying for you, if you need a buddy through this please let me know!

nicholenc · 09-30-2009, 05:52 PM

I am so sorry for your losses. I am in the same situation. I got my first BFP on 9/17, but my HCG levels never increased appropriately. I had an u/s yesterday to see what was going on and the dr couldn't find anything...no baby. They are saying it was a chemical pregnancy. I had all the pregnancy symptoms including terrible morning sickness. It is just so hard to believe. I am also very sad. I was given cytotec last night to induce miscarriage and it was hell. I have never been in so much pain in my life and it didn't work so I have to do another dose tonight. I want to cry just thinking about it. I am so glad there are people that understand what I am going through and feel the same emotions I do. These boards have been a big help.

snfr02chic · 10-01-2009, 02:54 AM

Nich I'm so sorry the cytotec didn't work. They put me on methergine which is to do the same thing but it's over a 3 day course, but they were nice enough to give percocet and vicodin....and I can tell when it starts wearing off. I just woke up in a huge amount of pain for the 5th night in a row and now I have to sit back and wait for hte drugs to kick in again...it sucks!

tammy25 · 10-03-2009, 10:42 PM

you are in my thoughts

sammykins · 10-04-2009, 09:54 AM

i am so sorry to hear about your loss. i am also there with you. found out yesterday. i can type about it but cannot say it outloud. it will take time, but i know we will get through this.

snfr02chic · 10-04-2009, 10:02 AM

Oh Sammy I'm so sorry. You were so much further along than I was. I can't imagine. I am the same way though, I don't want to talk about it, I hate when people ask questions even as simple as asking how I'm doing. The actual miscarriage was the worst though. I know we will all through this and be mommies one day, we just need to stick together through the tough times.

hethry6207 · 10-04-2009, 11:39 AM

Thank you all so much for your replies. I've been scarce the last several days, just trying to throw myself into being busy with "life". I still haven't miscarried. I'm in no pain or anything, other than emotionally. I've been doing better, but had a really bad night last night. Night time seems to be the worst for me. If I'm not having baby "nightmares" I can't sleep and that keeps my mind on it, because the house is quiet and my mind can wander.

Then yesterday my MIL, thinking she was being helpful, got all pushy about wanting us to have a small prayer with my parents and my inlaws, and set a stone (at a cemetery an hour from us, where some of my DH's family is buried) that way I wouldn't "have to see it ever if I didn't want to". I handled it well, but when DH and I got alone I told him about it, and he was upset because he had already told her (unbeknownst to me) that he didn't want to hear about that right now, and when and if we ever wanted to do anything, it would be us and our choice and not to bring it up. But, she did. And it was terribly painful. I felt like I have already lost MY baby, and now someone is trying to plan something about MY baby, FOR me... It just didn't feel right. I don't know if I even want to do anything like that, but shouldn't it be our choice and us bringing it up to other people, rather than her?

She kept telling me "You just don't know how many things remind me of it and that we're not going to have a grandbaby now." It took SO much self-control to handle it with tact. I finally was able to cool the burning inside me and tell her "Actually, I do know. We're the parents of the baby that was lost, YOU have no idea how many things remind us."

I just want to scream.

hethry6207 · 10-04-2009, 11:49 AM

BTW-SNFR

It won't let me reply to your PM yet... Post count isn't high enough! Darnit. Trying to up that.

snfr02chic · 10-05-2009, 11:46 AM

Oh ok....I didn't realize there was a limit but thanks for telling me. I am so sorry about MIL!!! That is just horrible, it is your choice to do whatever you both want or nothing at all. If she is that upset she can get a stone. You are the parents of this little angel, and you are the two that are suffering. Don't get me wrong I'm glad she is upset rather than being cold about it, but that isn't supportive to either of you, especially if DH told her not to bring it up!!

My MIL and I get along very well, almost as good as my mother and I do. But we went to church Sat. evening and someone asked how she was doing (they didn't know I was the one) and she said that she has had just a horrible week and can't seem to get over it...I was like um hello really I'm standing right here and you are talking about MY baby, I'm the one who has been to the ER 2x, to the office 2x, had 3 U/s on 2 different pain killers, antibiotics and labor medicines....I'M the one in the physical AND emotional pain...I wanted to slap her, and then not even to introduce me made me so mad!! I mean again, I'm glad she is upset rather than pushing me to get over it, but they aren't more upset than us..so they need to stop acting like it.

I thought I was well enough to spend time with my family yesterday with DSD, but I was a "B" the whole time, I was fussing at DSD at my mom at everything, finally I just had to leave because I clearly wasn't ready to be around anyone else just yet, I thought I was doing ok, but I guess not.

jkostlevy · 10-05-2009, 03:54 PM

I understand what you are going through too. We found out two weeks ago at our 9 wk appt that the baby had stopped developing at 7 wks. I am waiting to miscarry too. If nothing happens by next week, 5 weeks after the baby's death, I will take misoprostl, but I would prefer it to happen naturally.

Know that you aren't alone and I'm here if you want to talk. It hurts!