I dunno how many of you have been following my stories or not, but I found out today my baby had no heartbeat as I suspected. The min she found the baby I just said there's no heartbeat and all the tech said was well it doesn't look good.
It actually probably died on Thursday, which happened to be my wedding anniversary. I had a massive Subchorionic Hematoma and on Sunday started to bleed red, by Monday blood was pouring out of me. I went for an ultrasound on Thursday (this was all last week of course) baby still had a strong heartbeat of 162 but never grew past that day so they suspect later on that day it died.
I'm sadded but relieved this is all over. because I've had WEEKS to prepare for this and I just set myself mentally to prepare for reality I guess and I'm just kind of numb about it. I know how that sounds but I was having terrible trouble for weeks I was in and out of the ER several times, changed OB's and just wouldn't stop bleeding to the point of being weak and sick and this first pregnancy has been tramatic and well just I hated it I guess. Not the baby or anything just everything that happen I hate.
I knew from the start something wasn't right, I kept telling my husband this pregnancy doesn't feel right somethings not right. Even when we were seeing a healthy baby I never shopped for baby clothes, or looked at anything baby cause I just knew. So anyways I'm on this board now.
I have a D & C Wed. and I'm terrified. I'm more afraid of that then I was of the ultrasound today. I just don't know what to expect and I HATE going under. I don't know if I'm going to have terrible cramps after or what and I'm always afraid to go under cause I have cardiac issues so its always a major gamble.. Ugh.... whyyyyy
I didn't cry writing this whole thing, until I realized I had to change my sig from a countdown sig to a memorial sig. And it hit me
Last edited by Policewife; 09-22-2008 at 11:01 PM.
Tara - I am so sorry for your loss. I have been following your posts and was hoping for a good outcome. This has been a very trying time for you, and I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. (((HUGS))) Dianna
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Tara - I too have been following your situation, hoping for the best. Isn't it odd how something can just not feel right? That happened with mine and I shrugged it off because my mom was here visiting from AZ and my children were so excited. All I can say is sorry (((HUGGS))) hang in there.
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15 week loss due to a cystic hygroma & abnormal placenta
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6 week loss 2/23/09
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...how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ... Eph 3:18
I had the same experience with my second child the dr told me that I would miscarry about 3 weeks before it happened. and you are correct it was a releife when it finaly happened because the wait and wonder was over! although it did not turn out the way it was hoped the torture was over.but now I have a three year old so dont give up hope!!!!!!!!!
I had the same experience with my second child the dr told me that I would miscarry about 3 weeks before it happened. and you are correct it was a releife when it finaly happened because the wait and wonder was over! although it did not turn out the way it was hoped the torture was over.but now I have a three year old so dont give up hope!!!!!!!!!
Thanks ladies for all the kind words.. Its been hard but I had prepared myself so I guess I'm holding up better than if it was a huge surprise.. I just can't bare to put away my ultrasound photos and my baby book I bought.. My only baby item I ever bought.
Yes needhelp it is a relief. I said that in the pregnancy board and people were astonishes and kind of offended but it really is. I think its hard for women who are having such healthy pregnancies to see someone say that and think OMG they're a horrible person they don't love that baby but thats not it at all. Its just weeks of torture like you said, every week not knowing whats going on and esp in a situation like mine where you're hemmoraging you are just waiting for the inveitable. I dunno its just hard the whole situation stucks.. And what sucks more is I now have to leave for my pre op apt...
Tara - I am so sorry for your loss. Thursday was my anniversary as well (how strange that we got married on the same day.....) and I woke up that morning bleeding. It was very scary. I hope that you're able to find healing here and I hope that tomorrow goes as well as can be expected.
I know that you've been through a lot with this pregnancy, so in a way I understand your relief. It's hard for me to say that because I know how upset I would be in a similar situation, but at the same time, you're not on pins and needles waiting for it to happen (or not to).
Tara-I too had been following your posts, and I'm sorry I didn't respong sooner when you were going through a hard time on the pregnancy board. I'm so sorry about your baby, but I'm glad you came back to SC for the support you deserve.
Deanna
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Found out I lost my baby today 
