Found out I was pg and m/c at the same time.

MommaPaula · 08-22-2003, 12:59 PM

Deep down I knew I was pg. I couldnt get any of the hpt's to confirm it. I had very faint + on FRER and others, and also neg's on them as well. I had not really established myself with a dr yet to TTC so getting a BETA done was impossible. I went crazy trying to get someone to get me a beta and finally gave up thinking that if I'm pg, and I wait it out, the test will come up darker later. Or I'll just get AF and start over. My LMP was 6/22 and that makes me at 8 weeks today. I started spotting on 8/10 and assumed it was just a late period and started over in my charts. The bleeding was irregular, off and on with spotting, then heavy then nothing and back to heavy... It finally seemed like AF (or so i thought) was over. I woke up yesterday am soaked in blood. I ran to the bathroom and passed a clot larger than the size of an egg. I was soaking a pad and a tampon every 20 mins and finally called the dr who got me in immediately.

Deep down I knew I had to be pg and this was the end. She gave me a ultrasound and sure enough, there was a free floating sac. Everything else had allready passed. She did blood levels and confirmed I was indeed pregnant. The sac passed a few hours later and my beta levels are in the teens.

I just kept asking her, "So this means that I WAS really pregnant?". She opted to place me on BCP's to stop the heavy blood flow, but its just about stopped allready so I doubt that I'll go on them.

She is guessing that either i had a poor quality egg or it was just one of those things. She said my prog levels were normal for this phase. I keep thinking back and wonder if drinking that glass of wine when I thought AF had started, is the cause of it. I wonder if I had KNOWN definitly that I was pg, if things would have turned out better. I'm still in shock and still havent really cried. I cried briefly in the dr's office, but composed myself before I left and havent cried since.

I have other children but I didnt tell them as the older ones would think they somehow caused it (we are going thru alot of stress in the household with things going on in their lives). DH cried and then ignored me. I dont know if he's blaming me or not. He's not once asked how I felt, hugged me or anything and I feel so alone. I know i'm not, because my cyster cycle buddies have been wonderful. I'm happy this thread is here because we all know how it feels and I'm thankfull you are here. Not thankful for the reason you are here, but I know we all support each other and that is so great.

Thanks for letting me post here. I really needed to get my feelings out. I'm so sad and cant cry, and feel so alone.

good luck to all of you in your healing and your road back to TTC

paula s.

irahmanm · 08-22-2003, 03:22 PM

Awwwww Paula

I'm sooooo sorry to hear about U're loss.
I know how it feels because I just had a
loss on 5/28/03. Beleive me, it REALLY
helps to get U're feelings out in the open.
Asf ar as U're DH goes, mines became VERY
withdrawn. Men cope with miscarriages quite
differently than we do. It took my DH a entire
month to start showing his feelings. He was
ever so grumpy, but once he got his feelings
out in the open, it was amazing how we both
became closer. I'm sure U've already heard this,
but it will get easier as TIME goes by. Hun, don't
let ANYONE tell U how or when to grieve. I hope
this reply brings U good blessings.
Take Care
India

KensRosie · 08-22-2003, 05:34 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through a miscarriage right now, too, so I am right there with you. Husbands often live in a dazed and confused state with things....they tend to just get busy and get on with everything else rather than really stopping to grieve. My husband has been sort-of that way, too, and is having immense trouble at work, so he's not really been there for me in the way that I would like. We are also having issues with teenagers right now, so that is also hard. God is working on us! I'm really learning to cry out to God and to get into the Word in a new way, and it has been sweet for me. Deuteronomy 30 has been especially helpful and promising.

I think it can be especially hard when you are dealing in a dual way with both finding out the pregnancy and losing it all in one felled swoop. I had a dear friend who had the same experience, and lost twins. I thought she'd never get over it. For us, I had gone through 12 years of infertility and had been told I would never get pregnant again (I have four teenagers!)...when we found out, we were so extremely excited, my teenagers were insanely excited....and then to lose it a month later...we are definitely in the dregs. (I am 11 weeks). My miscarriage is taking forever to happen (a little spotting here, there, and then some more), so I cannot seem to get any kind of closure. I hope that your family will rally in the days to come, as they see that you are truly grieving. It is so helpful to have "cysters" and other sisters that have been through this. They KNOW. I have a friend who let me read 5 pages of her journal, talking through her miscarriage of several years ago. That has been one of the most healing things I have done. I cried with her pain and understood where she was. I believe God made it that us women help one another in ways that our husbands cannot. I feel for them (the men) because a lot of them have such a hard time exposing their deep feelings. However, if they wore all that on their shoulders like we do, they wouldn't be men and we wouldn't need each other in the unique ways that we do. Sorry such a long post....I will be praying for you that God will comfort you in these days. I'm there with you. Blessings, Rose

packerfan · 08-27-2003, 12:19 AM

Paula,

Please don't blame yourself for your m/c. Nothing you could have done would have saved the PG. It didn't happen from drinking wine or from not knowing.

It's okay to cry over a m/c even if you didn't know you were PG before the m/c started. Lean on your DH. I'm sure he is just as sad but may just be giving you your space and not sure how to react. Miscarriages are something we don't talk much about, and when it happens to us, we don't know how to act. He is probably just as lost as you are.

You and your family will be in my thoughts,

Kim

sydney · 08-30-2003, 02:06 AM

Paula, you are not alone. My LMP was 6/20. I went for a HCG so I could get provera because I thought I had stopped cycling and was shocked the next day when they said I had a level of 12,567!! I couldn't believe that I could ever get pregnant spontaneously. I was thrilled!! That evening I started spotting and passing small clots. So the next day I went for a u/s and there was no heartbeat and nothing looked even remotely normal except for the size of the sac. My d&c is Wed if I need it. I only had a few brief hours of being pregnant. I can't believe it hurts this much. In a way I'm glad that I don't have to tell anyone that I am no longer pregnant, but yet, I feel that I have no one to talk to about it because it seems funny to tell someone that I just was pregnant but no longer am. I'm sure you KWIM. Thinking of you also,
Pam
I also have twin DS (injectables) born in 1997