Frustrated with Friends

Kristinlogs · 10-03-2007, 01:41 AM

I'm sure my friends are well intentioned but they've really hit a nerve with me lately.

First I have a friend who should have her children taken away from her for the sheer filth that she makes them live in. She offered to be a surrogate for dh and I. But not as a friend to friend thing but because she found out that she can make up to $50,000 for it! Then a few weeks later she tells me she's pregnant again (4th time) with TWINS! AHHHHH

Second and Third friends have contacted us because they know of people who are giving their children up for adoption. Before EVER talking to the birth mothers about us, they have come to us and told us how much these birth mothers want to choose us!!!! AHHHHH

It just hurts me that friend one could be so selfish. She knows how much money we've lost on TTC and how little money we have, yet she would dangle our hearts desire in front of our faces and then ask for that much money!

And it hurts that friends two and three don't "get it" that they're getting our hopes up, only to crush them later. Both birth mothers had already picked out families and were only weeks away from giving birth when these friends sprung this on us. (Two different occasions)

We're going to the foster to adopt route through the state. We're at a point where we don't even want to share with our friends what is going on with the process because they just don't get it. It royally sucks when all your friends are fertile mertyls and just barely have to open their legs and get pregnant!

Sorry for the rant, just VERY upset right now!

calches · 10-03-2007, 03:15 AM

I complete understand your rant...but with my friends/family I get the lecture that oh you know that once you adopt you are going to get pregnant..I kid you not...when I talk about it (which now is rare) that is the 1st thing that comes out of their mouth...very frustrating...I have even had some family members ask me whose fault it was that we could get pregnant...WHAT? What kind of question is that?

So, anyhow, I am sorry that you are going through this...your 1st friend doesn't even sound like a friend...but the other 2 sound as they are just trying to help...although they can't see the whole picture..atleast they are supportive...

flt5 · 10-03-2007, 06:33 AM

When you are trying to adopt there are many well intentioned people - and also people out there who think there is something in it for them.

Because our son will eventually inherit from his birth father (as a named beneficiary) we have had people say "we would adopt if we were guaranteed a cash windfall like that".

People don't think what they are saying. Adoption is tough but worth it. But you do learn who your real friends are.

My advice - drop friend 1. If their kids are kept in such squalor would you want your future kid/s to associate with them?

Sounds as if friends 2 and 3 feel helpless and want to help but don't know how.

Elli-Za · 10-04-2007, 03:13 PM

I'm adopted! I think it's wonderful.

I thought I'd share.

Remember this:

Quote:

I have learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong. --Leo Rosten

Learn who your true friends are. It's sad that most people are very self-centered. I wish you all the best!

Don't let others bring you down. Focus on what is to come.

DCBailey · 10-04-2007, 05:02 PM

I know how you feel. I also want to adopt along with having my own, however whenever I get excited about starting the process my friends make comments and its almost like they dont agreee which is fine because they dont have to, but I wish they would just be happy for me. I am having problems TTC and Im so ready to be a mom and Ive always wanted to adopt regardless ( they both know this) so sometimes i just dont understand. Meanwhile they both have children and are both Preggers again.
Im not sure how your friends are so hard for me to say dont talk to them anymore, but I think its time to let them know how you feel. Maybe it might help. Im close to doing the same thing if it keeps up.

Miss-Meme · 10-04-2007, 11:30 PM

I'm sorry you have friends who just don't understand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristinlogs

Second and Third friends have contacted us because they know of people who are giving their children up for adoption.

Place do not use the phrase "give up". They are placing their child or making an adoption plan...not giving up.

not-waving-but-drowning · 10-06-2007, 08:58 AM

I can totally undestand how you feel! You rant away if it helps!

No one on earth can understand how we feel, even those closest to us unless they are in the exact same position.

My friends all have children and I've provided them with a load of info on PCOS but I doubt any of them have bothered to read it, they ask the same questions every time, make the same comments such as the old classic 'why don't you have a donor egg?' which really enrages me. My body won't let my OWN eggs come out and nurture them let alone someone else's GRRRRRRR.

I too know people who really are terrible parents......*sighs*.

I only hope one day our pain will end when we have a child in our home and we are finally able to show by example what a good parent is! xxx

CherryDolphin · 11-01-2007, 12:42 AM

I understand how you feel... and I'm sorry how they've been making you feel!

Oh -

and if I hear the "Once you adopt, you'll get pregnant" thing one more time...

CysterAmy · 11-13-2007, 06:46 PM

Ah, yes. I have one friend in particular who says horribly insensitive things to me. Yeah...my husband has 2.8 million sperm. I can't ovulate to save my life. I will be one of those wrinkly women at 90 who could have a baby because all of my eggs are up there. Apparently my ovaries are into hoarding. Tell me again that it will happen if I just relax...or once we adopt we will relax enough to have one...or just stop trying...or just adopt, like it's a dang puppy or its no big deal to not have your own children....or it'll happen in time...or it'll work out. Easy for them to say! I am not bitter with these people for being able to have children, it's a blessing, but use discression in the things you say when you know I am sensitive about it. Telling me how you can't wait to see your husband hold your little girl in his arms is a little bit heartbreaking for me. My husband and I have been together 11 years, married 6 and for the whole time I have known him he has wanted children. I have wanted children. I think we may just have to break it down for these people, but carefully, in a non angry way because then the pat on the hand with the your just upset right now look comes in.
I hope things work out for you. I pray they work out for all of us, but until then I have a place I can come where everybody knows my name...ha just kidding, I have a place here. I have wonderful, strong, brave women to surround me here.