I have been fighting this depression thing for some time now... Off and on meds, in and out of hospitals.... but now that I live on my own I find that I haven't had any problems... I mean happiness is most of my time.... but .... I met a guy I really like and things were positive for awhile and now... not so ... I am BROKE as in NO money (aka no freedom/independence) I am living off my parents as I try to finish school which is SOOOOOOO humiliating @ 30.... I went back to school to finally finish a degree, but being surrounded by babies (18-20 yr olds) I feel outta place.... so here I am sitting in my house which is nasty.
See my sh*t manifests itself in my inability to clean up... when my mind is right I have no problems and I am a moderatly clean person (I have shaken my OCD used to be a little manic with it, but I have removed the labels from my shelves, and my clothes are no longer all in color coded order)
But now I have laundry piled on the floor, a sink full of funky water and even funkier dishes, bags of trash when I pass the trash can outside every day... just steps from my car... but damn it I just can't get it together...
Hell I have slept on my sofa (it's a twin bed) for like a month or more because my bed is covered with clothes that I have managed to wash and dry just not fold and put away...
SOOOO yeah I mean the funny/sick/crazy/normal thing is I don't care, I am not sad I am actually pretty cool with it all, well I do get a frustrated trying to figure out which pile has which piece of clothing LOL....
So is this just another level of depression like a-not-so-serious-to-be-hosptialized-but-not-quite-normal-enough or am I just lazy?
anybody else just sorta funky... I am not wanting to go back on meds as I have been off for 2 years.... but I so have some welbutrin chilling in the cabinet.... in case of emergency... LOL
Ugh, I used to be like that with the labels and color coordinated, etc. and just like you are in a funk with no money, can't find a job, living off parents, etc. My room is a pigsty. I haven't done laundry in about a month, everythings a mess. I say it's depression but I honestly dont know, I never used to be like this so I mean it's hard to say that you or I am just lazy although I feel very lazy. I think it's a rut. I know I am not of too much help here but you aren't alone. What makes me happy is to just do ONE little thing, and that's it and sometimes that helps, but even then I am lucky if I do the one thing. I hope you feel better and something goes your way! *hug*
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Yeah I know what you mean about doing 1 thing!!! LOL like I'll clean one thing like say the coffee table (it always seems to collect random glasses, magazines, the laptop, dog toys, etc) and then I am like whew I am tired LOL.... but really I just don 't feel like being bothered.... the more I think about it I am lazy but I think you are right about the rut thing... I think because my life is slow right now I am moving slowly... anyway today is supposed to be my day to get the PILES of clothing off my floor....
Yea, Yesterday and today were supposed to be laundry day...HAHA. nope didn't happen. There's always tomorrow right? :X I realized a lot of the time I won't do something because I know it won't be perfect. Ugh. I hope you find something that helps, and if I figure out anything I'll let you know Keep on trucking *sighs* hehe
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For me, the condition of the house is like an open book about my mood state--when I'm hypomanic, I stay up all night cleaning, when I'm depressed, I can barely do anything.
Not to lecture, but wellbutrin isn't really a good medicine for occasional use, if you're feeling depressed it's really better to go see your doctor.
__________________ -diagnosed 1/2004
-treating with diet and exercise
-mom to 5 furkids, Patrick the greyhound, Gretta and Samantha the rabbits, Sophie and Rosie the guinea pigs, and 4 guinea pigs waiting at the Bridge.
-working on a PhD in American History
Yeah I had to get past the "let it be perfect" thing too... that's why I am thinking this might just be lazy or at least more lazy than crazy LOL.... Any way I actually got to work today I have the dishwasher AND washing machine going right now... I figured some comptuter time and studying while I wait... oh Bethann, I was just joking about the Wellbutrin... I probably do have a bottle somewhere but they are probably are expired... plus me on Wellbutrin is like robot me... ewwww I didn't like her LOL.... but yeah I think I got tooooo damn tired of trying to find stuff so yeah it is going away.... LOL.... you can actually see the kitchen counters and parts of the bedroom floor are starting to make an apperance LOL.... well off to study!!!! Thanks the funk is going away slowly... slowly... ya'll have a good Memorial Holiday....
Aw golden I am glad your funk seems to be going away! Congrats! Sometimes all ya need it just to do one thing and the rest falls in to place. I hope it keeps up for ya!
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All of my dishes are washed!!!!! LOL I still have the last load in the dishwasher to unstack but been hittn' the books today as I have two test tomorrow... I am most nervous about Spanish as it has been like 13-14 years since I have been in anybody's Spanish 1 class... that and my teacher is loco!!! (now I remember vocabulary LOL) anyway back to studying.... tomorrow I will focus on the laundry when I can actually take the time to fold... trie studying and folding but that didn't work to well ...
I used to be the same way. When I moved out of my parents' house, my apartment was a pigsty! I had a foot of laundry on my bedroom floor, the dishes were stacked in the sink and smelled so bad they made me gag and I never dusted or anything. Then, I moved into my own house, where it wasn't always clean, but I too would stay up nights rearranging and cleaning my house. The rest of the time, I had no desire to do anything. That's when I was diagnosed as being bipolar. The meds definitely helped and now that I have a child, I think I've reached a happy medium. I am not OCD, but I keep things in order. I would suggest that you go and see a doctor and get on a regular medication schedule, and possibly see a counselor. There is no shame in asking for help.
In a funk.. 
in color coded order)
Keep on trucking *sighs* hehe
