Gift Idea for Friend that Lost Twins?

Hjackson719 · 05-06-2004, 04:53 PM

Hi Ladies-

I just found out today that a good friend just lost her twins at 20 weeks. Needless to say, she and her husband are devestated. They went thru IVF to get pregnant after trying for 5 years. I'd like to get my friend something - but i don't know what! They live in an apartment, so a tree/bush etc might not be the best idea.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thank you!
-Heather

shorty1kanobi · 05-06-2004, 06:03 PM

Sorry to hear such terrible news! When a friend of mine lost her baby, I bought her a dove charm that hangs on a necklace. Its a descending dove, the symbol of spirit. ......got it at www.jamesavery.com . Maybe something like that?

kwannabee · 05-07-2004, 10:01 AM

When i lost my babies and the numbness wore off the thing i wanted the most were answers. Have you thought of maybe a gift certificate to a book store? She can pick out a book on maybe coping with grief, or whatever. There are alot of book specifically geared towards coping after misscarriage.

I also wanted something special to wear around me as i couldnt give up the idea that my body was supposed to protect them...so i bought a mother and child locket...(it has a raised design of mother and womb with baby...very pretty) i tuck it into my bra and close to my heart...plus i'm so afraid of losing it i keep it close to my skin..

..so sorry for your friends loss...its very hard but your support will mean alot to them.

Devi · 05-07-2004, 12:21 PM

When I lost my trio at 21 weeks, it was the most devastating time in my life. The one thing that comforted me the most was my faith in God.

I needed answers but they weren't available at that time. I clung to my faith like never before and that carried me through.

I agree with Kwannabee, gift certificates to a bookstore are wonderful idea. Another idea would be to make yourself available and be there to listen to her whenever she needs you.

I wanted so much to come home, but when I did I could not stand our home. I felt caged and was scared to fall asleep if DH was not there. My DH stayed home with me for a week after the hospital and we kept busy. In the following weeks my aunt spent most of her days incorporating me into her schedule as I was off from work.

The ironic thing was that I said that I did not want company but could not stand to be alone. I think that you sound like a wonderful friend and I am sure that she will welcome your company. Be persistent but gentle...and that will make all the difference. I am sorry for your friend's loss, my heart still aches at the memory of my precious little ones.

Your friend and her DH are in my thoughts and prayers....

Devi

rself · 05-07-2004, 05:04 PM

I just lost our first child at 7 1/2 weeks on April the 30th. I had to have a DnC yesterday, and my parents met me and my DH at the hospital. She gave me the best gift anyone could have given me. It was an angel baby music box that played the tune Amazing Grace. If you could find something like that it might make her cry, but I promise she will love it. Thank you for realizing that your friend has lost her baby, and she is grieving. A lot of people seem to think that since the baby is not born, you can't miss it. I hope this helps.
Robin Self

Angel Baby-April 30th

J_MBoe · 05-08-2004, 01:03 AM

my last m/c was of twins in April. I am still grieving and this weekend isn't my easiest. None of my friends has been through what I have been through so they don't know what to do. i THINK IT IS REALLY WONDERFUL THAT YOU ARE TAKING THE TIME TO COME HERE AND TRY TO FIND AWAY TO HELP. I just want to get out of here but I don't know where to go. I am tired of feeling alone.

With my first m/c my friend wrote a poem for me, and we went down to pier, read the poem, the poem and put it into a bottle, sealed it and threw it into the ocean. We also threw flowers in. Then we sat there and I cried for a while. Now I know it is litering but this was for a good cause. I do not liter any other time I promise. *S*

Everytime I have grieved a loss I have found something to remember them by. Now I know I will n ever be able to forget them, but it is always nice.

*strawberry* · 05-09-2004, 03:04 PM

Honestly, I'm not sure I would have wanted a gift had I lost my babies. I think the thought is very kind, but a gift just doesn't really sound appropriate under the circumstances.

Perhaps a card? Or if you are set on a gift, maybe something that will symbolize hope? Willow Tree has a great collection of little angels...one is called the Angel of Hope...she is carrying a lantern. Someone, can't remember who, said they got one after a m/c, and that it meant the world to them. They sell these at Hallmark.

You are very kind to care about your friend. Her loss is devastating, and she will need good friends who will care for her w/o telling her everything will be okay, etc. She just needs to hear that you are sorry and nothing more. Often people say things that they think are helpful but are more hurtful than anything. Trust me, there is nothing you can say other than that you are sorry and that you will be praying for her. That's it.

Hope you didn't mind that little bit of unsolicited advice.

You are a very sweet friend.

*Clarissa* · 05-09-2004, 10:45 PM

You are a great friend. None of my friends, and few of my family members have acknowledged my loss.

That being said. I agree and think that a willowtree angel would be nice. My dh got me Angels Embrace. It is an angel holding a baby. He gave it to me rights after my d&c.

If you decide on a gift certificate. I think one to a bookstore would be nice. But I think it may be easier for you to buy a book on coping, than it would for your friend. I personally would break down in the middle of the bookstore. HTH