deliriumcolor

Today while I was out with my husband I was overcome by the realization of how much I wanted a child. Up until now, we had a very nonchalant attitude...."well, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, oh well".

This is how it was when we first met. Having sex we didn't use protection. I got pregnant when I was 19 and we were happy. then for 10 years we would have unprotected sex with no pregnancies, that is how we adopted our nonchalant attitude. I didn't get diagnosed with PCOS until 2000.

Now the thought of having another baby is so strong. My female family members started menopause in their early 40's so I know I only have a good 10 years to have another baby. I also know that after 30 the hormones start slowing down (?) and it becomes even harder to get pregnant.

But today, watching pregnant women, women with toddlers and infants running all around the grocery store, it hit me that I have been denying myself.

I DO want, more than anything right now, to have another baby. I announced this to my husband and he said he knew. I also realized that I have to start going at the conception process with full force. Let my doctor know what I want to do, even if it isn't covered in our insurance.

But mostly I realized that I have to give that feeling over to our Creator. I have to pray and meditate and ask and revel. I must have passion and faith and dedication to never quit.

I know there is another soul out there, a little one just waiting for me to get everything together to make things work in order for us to be together.

These things, cysters, I realized today and wanted to share with you.

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The best to you all,

Jamica

~`*'~ `*'~ ~`*'~ ~`*'~

Jamica(32)
DH-Keith(45)
DS-Forrest(13)
DX PCOS-4-00
Low Carb Diet- 4-8-02

Deni

I think this is wonderful. I have felt this way for a long while now. I have felt that there is a little soul out there waiting for me to get my "stuff" together. LOL.. I too have handed the problem over to the goddess. She then handed it back to me. LOL.. by that I mean that I have to take responsibility for my own fertility. I have to exercise, and eat right, and take all my medicine. I also have to educate myself everyday. That is why I am on this board everyday... without fail. lol I think that your new out look is the way to go. And when I start to see myself falter I just think to myself that Im letting my child down. I know that everything I do I do for her.. (I always thought I was meant to have a daughter. I feel that she is real and her spirit is with me... almost like a ghost that has never been born or died yet. Does that make sense?) Anyways.. if you would like somebody to talk to you can PM me. *hugs to you*

Deni

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DX Aug 2, 2001.
obsessed Pearl Jam fan...

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