Greedy American

websissy · 04-30-2003, 03:41 PM

Need to vent....

A few weeks ago I asked our social worker if it was possible to still adopt in Panama if only my husband could travel to pick up the baby since I'm pregnant with my giving him power of attorney. Yesterday, the adoption agency social worker called and said that the agent in their Panama office thought it would be better to put our adoption plans on hold even if I did travel as the judge may view me as a greedy American - because I'm pregnant and trying to adopt. I couldn't believe what I heard. I'm waiting for a call from the agency Director. I was astounded as many families who already have kids adopt and others want to adopt more than one child - does that make them greedy? I think I may start looking for another country or another agency.

Lisa67 · 04-30-2003, 04:13 PM

Oh my goodness! I have never heard of such a thing! I hope it was just their 'opinion' and not how the judge would really react.

I'm interested to hear what your agency director says so please keep us posted!!

Chastity · 05-01-2003, 09:11 PM

I cannot believe the social worker said that! I would definately speak with the director. Adoption is such a giving process on both ends! Good Luck!! Let us know what the director says.

FamilyBound · 05-02-2003, 05:54 PM

As horrible as it sounds, unfortunately I've seen that before. There are many countries that look down upon prospective adoptive parents who are pregnant for some reason.

I know when we were in Russia, we met another American couple at our hotel. The wife was 12 weeks pregnant, but couldn't dare tell her agency or anyone else 'professionally' involved with teh adoption because she had heard that Russian judges don't like pregnant couples adopting 'their' children.

Why? I have no clue.... I think it's ridiculous. If you have enough love in your heart for this child in another children, even if you haven't met them yet, and you meet all the 'government' requirements, then I don't think it should matter.

Sorry you had to deal with that

websissy · 05-03-2003, 11:36 PM

Hi All:

Never heard back from the Director, instead was told by the Social Worker that the Director and Agency staff all agree that they want us to put our adoption plans on hold. They want us to sign paperwork saying we agree to put a hold on things. They are concerned with my situation and don't want to put me or our adoption efforts in jeopordy.

I understand some of their concerns (about my health in travelling over to Panama) - but the part about a Judge not allowing us to adopt because I'm pregnant still seems immature to me.

I've heard of countries thinking that way - I just never thought it would be something I would have to deal with.

I'll keep you posted on what my DH and I decide. If we decide to put things on hold, I have to think that everything turns out sometimes for a reason. Just a little disappointed as we are ready - just waiting for our BCIS (INS) approval (which I expect to have in a few weeks).

Lisa75 · 05-07-2003, 03:16 PM

I've never in my life heard such crap...that's terrible for someone to say that someone is greedy because they are welling to open their hearts & homes to love and raise a child. That's so crazy. That makes me so mad. Just because your pregnant doesn't mean your greedy because you want to adopt. How does being pregnant prove that? Your obviously a very loving person and that's all I would see if you were standing in front of me telling me your story.
My goodness, I would have gave someone a ear full.
Best of luck to you.
Lisa75

websissy · 05-12-2003, 12:57 PM

We received INS approval last Thursday (5/8)! However, DH and I are probably going to put things on hold, not because of the worry of being turned down because I'm pregnant and might be seen as greedy, but because of my worry of something happening with my pregnancy in that I might contract a virus while in Panama. I had a bleeding episode last week, but all is fine with baby and I (they think it was from my cervix following BD), but we don't want to take any more risks.

Right now the plan will be to wait until our birth baby is about 5 months old before we hopefully can find a toddler to adopt. Our State and INS approval is only valid of 18 months without having to get re-approved.

Thanks for all your posts - it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in this process

rachelmichellek · 05-16-2003, 08:51 PM

greedy?

like, what... they think you're trying to "corner the market" on children or something? ("mine, Mine, MINE!!!! My Babies!!! ALL THE BABIES ARE MINE AND THERE WILL BE NONE LEFT TO POPULATE YOUR COUNTRY! MMMMMWWWWAAAHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!")

sheesh.

now, i have heard about some agencies not allowing parents to travel to adopt to pick up two (non-sibling) children at the same time, to adopt at the same time, because they believe that it's too stressful for the family and increases the likelihood that the adoptions would fall apart, but i've never read about the pregnancy and travelling to adopt thing you're talking about. no, it's not right, but people make up all kinds of ridiculous rules for things. what can you do? ridiculous people.

but keep being happy about your bio baby-to-be!