 Guilt & Anxiety
I've just figured something out that might be a minor breakthrough for me, or maybe just the opening of a new can of worms. Lately I've been having a lot of vague guilt feelings, no matter what I do I feel like I should be doing something different, I have this sense of an impending deadline that doesn't exist!
Well, I've realized that this weird guilt only comes up when I'm not particularly worried about anything. And then I realized - I'm feeling guilty because I'm not anxious. I already knew I have a tendency to feel that my own worrying is what determines whether bad things happen or not - like, if I worry about whether something is going to happen, it won't happen, but if I don't worry, then if something happens it will all be my fault. In short, the only way to keep bad stuff from happening is to make sure I am nice and miserable. I know it makes no sense, but its a semi-subconscious thing I suppose. Well as an addendum to this, if I'm not feeling particularly anxious about anything, I feel guilty for not being anxious, because part of me still thinks something bad is gonna happen, and now on top of that, I'm not doing what I "need" to do to "prevent" it.
Am I making sense? Does anyone else get this?
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"Aspie" means I have Asperger's syndrome, a type of autism that doesn't affect IQ or the ability to talk. Online, you won't know the difference, because you can't see me engaging in "repetitive stereotypy", like this:
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