Hey I have been on this site for about a week and I look under this topic daily and there is never anything posted....maybe we can talk about how our relationships are going and the problems that us men face....so we can keep each other updated in how everything is going and maybe give each other some advice on what problems/obstacles we are facing, so if we get into the same situation we can reflect and try to handle the situation better....I just want to be involved all I possibly can, because I want to know as much as I can...so GUYS please feel free to post in here about what is going on....
Hey Justin,
I know you are wanting guys to post here but I just wanted to say I really think its wonderful that you are so supportive and caring of your wife's PCOS...my hubby(also a Justin) tries to be understanding, but any 'woman issues' makes him embarrassed ...so I don't usually talk to him about that stuff!!
hmmm.....he should still see the changes in the way you perceive yourself....i am not looking for detailed detailed things. I just want to talk to other men about situations they may have went through so that I know if that situation comes up. That I am ready for it and don't freak myself. You know what I mean?
Sorry to butt my female nose into things, but I say go ahead and lay out your thoughts/feelings. Maybe other men are a bit uncomfortable about sharing first. Or you may find women who have good enough communication with their men to be able to help. Or you may even find that "anonymous" women can answer your questions/concerns in a way that feels less confrontational or emotionally charged than it might be with your loved one. My advice: prepare yourself for the health issues, fertility issues and physical appearance issues.
I don't care about physical appearance, because I have already found out that she is the most beautiful person in the world....I am prepared for the health issues and the fertility issues.....
Here is what I am going through now....My baby is going through a really really painful time right now....she doesn't know what is happening....she has been to the gyno and they just said it was normal and that she will be in severe pain, but the stupid gyno wont treat pain....SO she went to her regular doctor and he prescribed her with pain medication....The pain medication helps her for about 10 minutes and then it is done....She really really wants and needs to see a specialist that specialises in Endo (because she has both endo and PCOS), but her insurance will only pick up 60% of the bill....and I know I cant afford it, but I know she really needs to see one....I want to help her so bad, but I know I have to finish this semester of college....It kills me everytime that we talks because I can hear it in her voice that she is in pain and I know there just is nothing I can do....
Also, she lives in Texas and I am in michigan....she really really wants me and needs me by her side and I know I can't leave because of school...I am trying to get her up here, but I just don't have the money....I really really want to be there for her and I just feel like I am failing her when I am not....(sorry for getting all emotional, but that is the way I feel)...
So that is my situation....sorry if I didn't put it into the proper structure, but I just put it the way it is happening...if you want to put some input, it would be greatly appreciated....just if you want to say something...feel free
Thank You for the compliments and support,
Justin D.
This may not seem like a lot of help. It sounds like you're doing what you can. Offering her support, love and understanding. Try to remember that there is only so much you can do (I know, easier said than done) - and the only way you can fail her is to refuse to be there for her. You've already done far more than most men would. Not many men would venture into a predominantly female site such as this - for any reason.
Something I've learned over the years, is that sometimes the most you can do is be someone's rock. It can be harder to do because you don't see immediate results, but it's priceless to someone who needs it. You said you can hear her pain in her voice. Try to be strong when you hear it. I don't think I can really explain it well... so, I'll give an example. When I was in labour with my daughter, I got to a point where it hurt so much I cried (and I'm not a crier at all!) I was sure I wouldn't make it through. My husband spent the next half hour telling me how strong, beautiful (yes, that can help), and amazing I was. He cast aside his fears and reassured me that I was able to overcome anything. It wasn't so much that he was complimenting me, it was that he was able to be strong and confident enough for the both of us. I was able to be weak because of his strength - but without feeling like I was being weak.
So, that situation is different, I know. But, it still holds true. Be her strength when she doesn't have it. Be her cheerleader. But most importantly, know that what you can't change for her, you can help her through by being who she needs.
As for the financial - are there free clinics in her area that could offer her help? Sometimes they can find a way for her to seek the proper specialized care without so much cost. I wish you both the best of luck and health.
I do whatever I possibly can to let her know that I am there and will always be there for her....I just wish I was able to hold her so she knows that I am there and that I am not going anywhere....I try to be really strong for her, but I am not perfect and I let my emotions get to me....
Hey JustinD, I am known as TMotB hehe, we been dealing with the wonderful thing we love to call PCOS for about 3 years now 2 of which we did not have a name for meds to help her out. Many of the men on this board to include me troll the fourms for a fear of being flamed about one thing or another. And so some just dont like to talk about the things going on in thier live with there DW or DG. You will see there are times where we talk or leave posts but its to far in beteen. Just like there is a post atm there has nothing to do with getting a mans POV on the fourms that is to be help us ask questions or seek help with dealing with the emotions that we are going through. OK rant off.
let me start over,
I was station in Germany for awhile, we were trying to have our first baby which still has not come to pass but anyways. When my wife was finally seen she was told she would have to see an Endo but the AF would not see her any futher we would have to go to the next town and see a german nation docotor. Ok let me say there now I have nothing against Germans ok, It was the treatment of my beloved wife that made me upset. So we go and see that doctor that was not an Endo. He merly tells us she got a Tumor about the area where it could affect have kids. So know we are 3 months into this process and still no one wants to say she has PCOS or anything else. O and the Tumor is nothing to really worry about TG. Anyways now its on to the Endo and now 6 months later, still no meds for my DW, we had no idea what was going on but i could tell my BF my everything was being taken away from me and there was nothing i could do. Now we see the Endo she does some tests and in another month and in another town we are to see another doctor and they will tell us what is going on. Well long story short we got back to the States, ONE week later she saw an Endo here that been freaking god like, o yes you have pcos and here are meds and reading meteral for you. Him and this site saved my marrage. I love my wife, would not know what to do with out her but there was a time in Germany when either of us really knew what was going on I was about done. That another story for another time.
I hope other men will get on here and see some of this and be willing to share thier stoies. I think if there was a PW protected fourm that we could truely talk without our spouses seeing what we say be great. Cuase I know my wife knows my handle. And there are things and times I will not post. great meeting you and hope to talk more..TMotB
Justin its a great thing that your doing bro without a doubt and i really do wish that more men would get involved on this forum itself.. unfortunately for whatever reason there just isnt enough men getting involved on this topic its usualy wives of husbands or girlfriends of boyfriends lol but nonetheless its always nice to have everyones input especially when its extremely stressful and hurtful on a lot of us men.. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little more than a year now and i can safely say that she is the first woman ive ever fallen in love with i would do absolutely anything for her and i know she knows that.. there had been some serious symptoms of PCOS going on in her everyday life i.e.. body weight, hair, missed periods etc. so we had started researching on what this could be cause it had become apparent that she was sick with something so we started looking up on every site and listening to doctors and reading up on peoples different experiences to find out what it could have been and it just became that the most logical of things was either ovarian cysts, a medical problem from a previous medical procedure, or PCOS.. so from early on (since we are complete hypocondriachts) we had already known about PCOS and had researched it enough that we were ready when we found out that she had PCOS roughly about 3-4 months later and from probably id say around august too october and early november was the entire discovering prcoess going to differnt doctors and seeing differnt people getting suggested for a therapist and all sorts of other things so we were honestly fairly lucky considering so many differnt womens stories of PCOS and not being able to be diagnosed untill you know 2 years later after they go to a differnt country to find a doctor that can actually tell them what is going on..
PCOS as you already know is a fairly knew medical condition considering the time frame that its in and its extremely EXTREMELY over looked and personally i wish i could do something to get it more exposed to the world and make it as big for the rest of the world as it is for us men and women that are dealing with it in our everyday lives.. As a man that loves his woman to death (and i can tell you love yours) it is an esentiall to be there for them as much as you possibly can and trust me justin ANY ounce of effort or love that is shown is appreciated trust me on that anything you can do for your woman or to help your woman is greatly apprecaited and you will be loved 10x more just for that.. you need to show initiative past the point of where a normal man would stop dont just look up PCOS on the internet get involved like you are i went out and bought PCOS books to read and have read over and over again ive read this site top to bottom as well as other sites ive talked with my woman about PCOS and its more or less a daily occurence in all conversation between us.. you need to be as supporting as you can and i HATE hearing about men who dont know how to deal/cope with your womans problems that come along with PCOS like the physical ones.. if you love your woman and you really do understand and want to be the best for her then you should have no problem "dealing" with the excess hair and body weight and all the other physical attritubtes that come along with the nastiness of PCOS in general.. and honestly if you love your woman and your a good man you shouldnt even see the physical differnces and you shouldnt let them bother you at all.. from what ive learned justin is that you want to be there for your love you need to sit there and talk to her and ask her what you can do you ned to discuss it with her.. dont be afraid to ask what it feels like.. every woman with PCOS feels as if no one else has what they have.. you need to get to a level of comfort with her as to be able to say that you kind of understand the pain and such of whats going on.. you need to make sure that she isnt lonley justin and make sure that she ISNT alone do cute things send flowers and makeup (my woman loves LOVES mac) do what you can to make her happy and do what you can to be the BEST for her.. you cant settle for just okay you need to be the best you can be to the utmost.. look up PCOS, talk to her about it and get in her head, love her with all of your heart, buy books they help alot.. look for lower glycemc index recipes online for her and buy her a cook book and send it.. theres so many amazing things you can do to help her every man just needs to realize that there is a way and that there is something you can do to make your womans life so much easier.. honestly bro above all things just LOVE your woman if you really do love her youll know what to do in every situation and youll know what to do for everything.. just love her love yourself and be the best man you can be for her.. she will notice what your doing and she will love you much more for it and it will really help her alot trust me.. but dont forget she needs space lmao trust me if you start to get annoying or shes having a bad day just leave her alone lol.. good luck justin i wish the best for you honestly if you have ANY questions at all feel free to write back to me il answer anything i can for you bro
-Richard
Sometimes it can be tough. My wife and I are struggling with PCOS and wanting kids right now. It is especially tough when we go to family get-togethers and her un-deserving sister has two kids already. I love my wife more than anything. I want to support her and be there for her, but sometimes it is tough because I'm not a woman (thankfully, because I'd be one goofy looking woman at 6'6" 280) and I really have absolutely no understanding of what she is feeling and what she is thinking. She told me last night that it is "hard to feel like a woman when some of the pieces that make her a woman don't work". That was really hard to hear! I can't even imagine the pain and cofusion.
Well...I'm not the best at letting my feelings out, but thanks for listening (reading).
Justin...i have endometriosis and any woman with this disease would be so grateful to have a partner like you.
Please have your girlfriend research the Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta, GA. They perform the only effective surgery to relieve endo that we have now. They are wonderful down there. I just sent my medical records to them to be reviewed for free. I received a phone call from one of the surgeons the next evening. He was very kind, explained so many things that my previous doctor never explained, and said he could do my surgery in 3 weeks. I have been researching this for a long time, and i have never heard anything bad about the CEC. So please, as least get her to check it out. i wish you both luck .
I know the emotional swings, hormonal issues and anger can be tough to deal with at times. The worst for me when was my wife felt like she was letting ME down. When we couldn't get pregnant, she actually confessed that she thought at times I was going to leave her if we couldn't have children. I would NEVER leave her - especially for something that is beyond her control.
The conversations with her about that, however, were always emotionally draining...I felt like I'd been through a war, and I'd be emotionally and mentally spent.
I give you huge kudos for hanging in there with her, and my best advice is to find a hobby or activity (walking, etc.) to do with her, and make sure you always TALK!
Things with my wife are not always rosy, but we do our best to work our way through things, and to be as honest as possible with each other.
Sorry guys that I haven't been on much as of lately, but I am back and am glad to see all the posts on this topic! Richard you’re inspiring. You just lit a fire up in me and make me want to be the best man I can possibly be for my baby. I don't know how to put this, but I wasn't really really motivated to learn everything about PCOS and I don't know why I wasn't, but just reading the different ways that "the little things" I can do to make her day better and to just be the one that she needs, just inspires me to do exactly that. I am going to get out there and get to know about it and find ways that I can help. I know this probably isn't coming out the way that I want it to, but I know you guys will understand. Also Richard I do have a question for you (sort of a question). Do you recommend any books or ways to help over other things? I hope you get what I am saying. I also just want to thank you for putting that fire back into me to be the best I can for her. You don't know how much it means.... Seattlegolfer - I know how hard it is to let feelings out. I myself do not like talking about feelings and things like that. I also know it is hard sometimes to be there for her, but you just have to remember that she loves you and you love her and that there will be better days coming soon. I know it's tough, but you just have to believe and I know you can do that. Also I just want to let you know. If you ever want to talk to someone in private, I am here I have all messengers. I will always be there with open ears to listen and give advice (if I can). Never be afraid or think someone is going to judge you because you come here with things, because we all will or have dealt with situations that are similar to the ones you’re dealing with.... Mistress - thank you for the very sweet comment and the information about the specialist. We have been looking around, but I don't know if we have looked into that or not. We will check it out.... Physics dude - I know what you’re talking about when you say that she says she is "not good enough". My baby thinks that way sometimes too and it is emotionally draining. I just know I have to be there and comfort her through it. Just let her know that I am not going anywhere and that she is the best. That she is the love of my life and that I would never leave her for the world.....
Here is what I am going through now....My baby is going through a really really painful time right now....she doesn't know what is happening....she has been to the gyno and they just said it was normal and that she will be in severe pain, but the stupid gyno wont treat pain....SO she went to her regular doctor and he prescribed her with pain medication....The pain medication helps her for about 10 minutes and then it is done....She really really wants and needs to see a specialist that specialises in Endo (because she has both endo and PCOS), but her insurance will only pick up 60% of the bill....and I know I cant afford it, but I know she really needs to see one....I want to help her so bad, but I know I have to finish this semester of college....It kills me everytime that we talks because I can hear it in her voice that she is in pain and I know there just is nothing I can do....
lol sorry, ok so I'm another nosy or (curious) woman. Justin the mere fact that you're trying puts you in leagues ahead of most men.
I can only imagine how hard it must be for your woman, I have PCOS and have reason to believe that I also have Endometriosis due to the extreme pain that I deal with on a consistent basis... which very frustratingly I have not been able to get any doctor to take me seriously beyond just prescribing me pain meds...
As I read another girl's comment, you need to be strong for her, and remain supportive. She is going to need that, and I can't say it's only going to be a month or two, it may be indefinitely, or at least until she can get solid help and have the right treatments kick in, but if you really love her you will be able to look past it. Like Richard said, she will need her space when she's moody, but don't wait too long, she may feel foolish for mood swings she can't quite control and feel that she can't approach...
I know all of this must be really challenging for most men to deal with, but it's hard for the women. Most feel depressed because they feel like they've lost their beauty.
All I can say is continue to love her, try to be understanding, but be her support. She really needs someone to help her through this time, and that's you.
Thanks for caring about her so much. It's nice to know that men out there do care.
Guys Get Together! 
