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Originally Posted by ScaredSally  I have male pattern so I am preocupied with the fact that I am turning into a man !!! I dont form relationships coz like you say WHO wants to be with a bald woman and a bald woman who cant have children !! oh and not forgetting the eating disorder and the beard ! |
I can so relate to these feelings -- that's how I felt when I was a teenager and had to face the fact that I had far more moustache growth than any of the
boys my age. So I shaved it off -- but a few weeks later it was back and I had to shave it again. By the time I was 15 I was shaving it every day. And add to that the fact that my nipples swelled up a bit about 13 but I never really developed any proper breast growth. Add into the equation the fact that my body was pretty hairy and I just had very scanty, occasional, irregular periods and you can imagine how I felt. I really did think I must be turning into a boy.
But of course that was certainly not the case. The reality was I wasn't, and could never be, a functional male. No testes, no sperm, no penis.
I wanted a bf -- but reckoned that no male would ever want a breastless, hairy girl who had to shave every day. Surely all guys want a girl with beautiful breasts and a smooth, hairless skin?
Well, I learned a few things that I wish I hadn't had to wait till I was 19 to learn. As you probably know, when my (now) dh met me for the first time I wasn't wearing any padding and I hadn't shaved for 24 hours, so he saw me flat and he saw my coarse, black moustache stubble. And his reaction wasn't what I would have expected at all. The only thing that put him off about my flat chest was that he was afraid I was far too young for him, and as far as my moustache stubble was concerned, he claims he was delighted to see it, because it made it very obvious that I wasn't as young as the flat chest would suggest.
That was 34 years ago, so you can gather that it's worked out well for us.
Why are you sure you can't have children? Although I didn't have regular or frequent periods, I was able to conceive naturally.
I know I am not and can never be an ultra-feminine woman. Indeed, since about 40 my beard has grown in, so it's not just my moustache I have to shave every day. In many ways my body is quite masculine. And yes, my hair is receding quite a lot at the temples and thinning a bit at the crown. But I'm sure that the fact that I'm not as feminine as some women has made me work at my relationship with dh all the more, to make it a good experience for him. And I'm sure the high sex drive that accompanies my high testosterone levels has been a great benefit to our relationship. And the fact that we've been married for more than 30 years says something.
I've learned to accept myself for who I am. I'm a woman. I've got everything that's necessary to function as a woman. Yes, I have some features that are normally associated with males, but they don't stop me functioning as a woman. I am not and could never be a functional male anyway.
Don't write off the possibility of the right male appearing, either. DH and I have a number of friends (male) who occasionally stay overnight in our home. We eventually decided to tell them about the fact that I shave, in case they happened to notice my moustache or beard growth late at night. Not one of them has been negative about it -- all of them interested, all of them discussed it with me, but none of them were nasty and it hasn't spoiled my relationship with them at all -- just the opposite, in fact.
Hair loss and hopelessness 
My hair has been falling out in clumps. So I just shaved my head a week ago. I felt it was better to not have hair at all than to keep pulling out chunks of it and end up crying in the shower. But on the bright side, now you can try all sorts of pretty wigs and have perpetually different hairstyles!
