hair problems= mental breakdown

manic mess · 09-25-2005, 03:38 PM

I can't stop having panic attacks today. I wish I had an invisibility cloak because I need to go out and get things done on my only day off. I am losing the hair on my head fast and I am so stressed out about it. I had a bad panic attack in the shower and now I can't stop crying long enough to put some make up on my fat red face.I just feel so disgusrting and its not fair. I am such a good person and I want to die almost everyday. I just don't like who I have become because the shaving, balding and emtional devastation has made me into an depressed psycho. I am really afraid that I am going to end up in a mental hospital, I don't have a head shrinker right now but I know that I need one soon. but I am scared that if I get hospitalized they will not let me have a razor and that will make matters much worse for me. This is a Catch 22. I feel so bad for all of us. This is awful and is no life for anyone. Still your positivity is great, I need help because I can't keep it together and there is no one for me to talk to.

Nektar75 · 09-25-2005, 04:13 PM

Honey, I'm so sorry! Just wanted to say, hang in there. I know how you feel, I know the frustration, helplessness, despair and bitterness all too well. I really really hope that things will work out for you. What is the pattern of your hairloss? Are you on any meds? Have you tried any dietary supplements or alternative therapies? How is your bloodwork?

Eva37 · 09-25-2005, 04:32 PM

HI

Eva

Vlal · 09-25-2005, 04:50 PM

Hey,

I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. Some days are worse than others for me. I just feel like the PCOS is so destroying... it makes us feel unfeminine and self-concious. I haven't had high self-esteem for a long time, but PCOS definitely managed to destroy any self-esteem I did have. You really are not alone... remember that... there are many other women on here who know exactly how you feel. Have you talked to your doctor about your hairloss or how you feel?

Vicky-Louise

nicole47 · 09-25-2005, 08:40 PM

Hey, it's kind of a grey day today in Boston, isn't it? Perfect for making a cup of hot tea and reading a bad novel or watching movies, cuddled up with a blanket.

I remember when my mom was getting Chemo she was fine about everything EXCEPT the hair. That really really got her down. I have never seen her depressed like that before in my life. But she cheered up right away as soon as she got a wig and looked like herself again, so even losing hair is fixable.

You should NEVER be afraid of going to see a counselor or therapist for fear that they will lock you up. That is just NOT going to happen. If you're feeling suicidal, they may suggest hospitalization, but it's not like they're going to commit you. It really isn't any kind of Catch 22 and they will help you feel better about yourself in the end. Plus I had a friend who attempted suicide in college and ended up in a mental hospital-- it really wasn't such a bad place, although she says the food wasn't very good, and they let her out after a week or two. So even that fear shouldn't keep you from trying to get the help you need.

Since you're in Boston and getting panic attacks, I really reccomend Boston University's Center for Anxiety Related Disorders. http://www.bu.edu/anxiety/ This place is wonderful and completely changed my life for the better with just 2 months of therapy (once a week). But also talk to your doctor about getting counseling for general depression problems since it can take a while to get an appointment at CARD (since they're so great) and you need help NOW.

I'm also not happy about extra hair, but every day I go through and pluck and shave and look like myself the way I was before I went off BCP. Instead of focusing on what's wrong right now, start brainstorming things that will make you feel better and happier about your future self. We're all in this for the long term. Start by deciding to see your doctor or a counselor. Then think-- can you get a haircut that will make you look great even with the hair loss (I bet there are places on Newbury St. that can help you-- and I know a great hairdresser guy in Porter Square at Una's named Dana who can do amazing things)? I saw a woman on the T the other day who looked absolutely fabulous in a short buzz cut (though maybe that's a little too butch for everyone). Would you be willing to get a good wig or wear kerchiefs or hats? Can you go to a spa and get waxing or electrolysis? What kind of changes can you make to your diet and exercise schedule to help manage the symptoms of PCOS (There are a LOT of suggestions on this site-- I'm working on whole grains and vinegar right now)?

You can do it! And this board is a wonderful place to help you figure out how and to find the support to get where you want to be.

manic mess · 09-26-2005, 01:36 AM

Thanks all.

I was feeling awful today because I have been suffering from panic attacks. My eyes still hurt 11 hours after I cried because I cried so hard. I visualized myself as hideous as possible and it sent me into more panic.

I hung with some friends and it was cool. I didn't really tell them about my problems because I would end up crying like crazy. I did break down to my dad. It was cool because he said he'd love me even if i didn't have any hair, and I knew that was true

I am going to fight off those bad visuals and try to rationalize my fears. I think its too much to handle somtimes. And I smoke and drink and eat junk and don't stretch or excercise. Its hard to treat your body right when you hate it.

But I need to try again so I guess thats what I'm gonna do. I have masochistic urges a lot and sometimes I punch myself in the head. But mostly I am just so sad and right now I have a ton of pressure on my eyes/face/throat. Its like in a constant state of about to bawl. I wish something would cheer me up. Oh yeah btw, I also just had a relationship end and I'm about to get my period. Not manic. just down down down.

manic mess · 09-26-2005, 01:42 AM

Thanks for asking about my doctor. I have not had health insurance for about 6 months and I gave up anyway because they weren't helping me. I did not want to be on meds. Now I have changed my mind about the meds and I am getting back health insurance on 10/1. I just paid off a grand in medical bills and I will not do that again unless it is an absolute emergency. Lame, I know. Most important for me I think is to not drink a lot and smoke and go on the "what the hell" diet.
I am just in such a funk that I am exhausted and preoccupied with my responsibilities.

Thank you ladies so much for your messages, it really does help

nicole47 · 09-26-2005, 02:13 AM

In case you do want to do CARD-- they charge on a sliding scale based on your income if your insurance doesn't cover it, and you can get treatment free if you participate in studies.

Start treating your body right! You can do it! Brighter days ahead! (And I sympathize about periods starting and relationships ending :| )

nicole47 · 09-26-2005, 02:19 AM

Hey-- I just saw another thread where you said you cut your hair already. I wonder if you were that absolutely fabulous woman I saw on the redline.

Vlal · 09-26-2005, 11:30 AM

Have you looked into BDD? Do a search online... you might relate to it.

TMI but I just got my period yesterday and I felt awful for the few days before it. I had numerous random arguments with my BF and felt like I wanted to cry the whole time, but the tears would not come! Yet as soon as AF arrived... I felt a lot better mentally. I feel like my hormones really screw me up in that respect yet when I tried to talk to my drs about it... they just blew me off and acted like it was no way related.

There are many cosmetic options to concealing hairloss... in the UK there are now a few salons that deal specifically with hairloss in women. I know that it doesn't get rid of the hairloss issue, but I think that it certainly can increase your self-esteem and make you look 'normal' so to speak so that you don't feel so self-conscious.

I think that in some ways I have found that other people's acceptance of the way my hair looks has really helped me to feel a lot better about it. Sure, I panic about it falling out when I take a shower and some days I launch into a crying fit or panic attack because I feel so stressed out about it, but generally knowing that I get acceptance from the people I love is the most important thing. I sometimes wear hats, bandanas, headscarves and those stretchy hair things that pull the hair off your face (and conceal a big thin patch underneath it) when I am feeling particularly paranoid about my hair and the thinning being noticeable. I guess I just try and remember that how I look and how much hair I have, does not define me as a person and that other people should not judge me by my appearance, but by what is in my heart and soul.

Vicky-Louise

hopeless · 09-27-2005, 01:43 AM

I've had numerous breakdowns about my hair loss...so I know where you're coming from.

I've pictured the worst-case scenario, and I've stared at my head for hours...and of course none of that made it any better. Just worse. But sometimes I couldn't pick myself up. Now, I let myself have a couple minutes of wallowing in self-pity, or bawling...or whatever it takes. But then I force myself to stop, and move on with my day. Lots of times, that involves wearing a hat....because then I can hide and still get stuff done.

I guess what I'm saying, is it's ok to be upset...it's totally understandable! But try to do what you can for your own sake. Eat healthy, and be active. Think positively. (it's a tough one, but it makes such a difference!)

shades of grey · 09-29-2005, 02:39 AM

i used to panic too about my hair. I would go around in public thinking people were staring at me and sometimes I was correct about this. I would be afraid to go home because I was worried my mom would point out the hair,which she has done MANY times. I was a wreck for about 3-4 months but vaniqa and birth control (yasmin) has helped to dramatically reduce my hair. it's still there but much better. I completely know where you're coming from and it's awful.

Carimo · 10-02-2005, 10:49 PM

Dear MM,

I am glad that you are on a bit of an upswing. I think I understand some of how you've felt. I'm pulling for you, as for me. Take good care.

AprilLynn · 10-04-2005, 01:01 PM

I am suffering through the same thing....I have panic attacks in the shower and while brushing and styling my hair. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Within the past 2 years I'd say that I have lost about 1/2 of my hair. I am on a new diet/meal program and exercising and I hope that will help with my hairloss. I went to 2 different doctors with my concern but with no luck, they dismiss it as something other than related to PCOS and gave me a dandruff shampoo and sent me on my way.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE....

(((HUGS)))
~AprilLynn

ScaredSally · 10-17-2005, 10:59 AM

I am right wiht you with regards to the hair loss and a mental breakdown .. I have spent the last two years in a terrible state and also got the "suicide" act planned.. right down to purchasing the drugs .. I didnt do it ... why .. becayse I couldnt cause the grief to my family ./... saying this it doesnt stop the thoughts of "I wishI was dead" running through my head a lot .

THe way I am coping is finding a solution to my hair loss .. I spent two years ago at derms, endos, gynes ... I took ALL the drugs possible it didnt work .. I fell into despair again ... then I read about hair replacement ... and I managed to find a place inteh UK called www.wattzinternational.co.uk .. and she as become my SAVIOUR .. I also go onto www.heralopecia.com and speak to other girls with this..... I have extensions now (I have male pattern receeding hairline and overall thinning) ...they are find for now .. but in the future I will need a piece. .. where I plan on shaving the fuzz off my head and bonding a peice onto my head .... some people have started to live again once they have done this .... and some days I just want my hair to fall out and I can get on with it .. it certainly feels and looks bad now .. so whats the point keeping it .

Be strong and do some research.