I have been trying to have a baby for many years, never made it past the first trimester then I found out that I was pregnant on APril 26th 2003 and I was happy, 18 weeks later it ended when my water broke and my little girl, Miracle, died on Sept 10th 2003. It was really hard for me to go on knowing that my baby girl was gone. Then seven months later I got pregnant, and I was afraid. Made it past the first trimester, past 18 weeks, and then at 23 weeks three days, I sneezed and felt liquid. I went to the hospital and they said that my water did not break, but I was 2 cm dilated and i had a bulgung bag. I also has a sinus infection, so they couldn't do my emergent cerclege for a week. I remained laid up in the hospital for three more, and on strick bedrest there after. At 37 weeks I week in for a wekkly visit and my pressure was extremely high, my feet was swollen and my blood sugar had risen. So I was to be admitted the next day. I delivered a 5 pound 2 ounce( now at 8 weeks 10 pounds)baby girl named Journee.
The hard part is that everyday I look at her and although I still can't believe that she is mine, I wonder if Miracle is in her. It may sound strange and I don't believe in reincarnation or anything, but I can't help but think of my first baby girl when I look at my second. Am I a bad mother?
There are a few of us going through this right now with new babies, and it is hard to deal with all of the emotion. We will always miss our lost little ones, and we might worry a lot more because we know that things don't always turn out like they should, but here is a healthy baby in our arms... We can't turn off our grief when it comes along to ruin the day, right? And you are not the only person who has thought that the previous baby has somehow come back in a small way... someone told me that it has happened in their family. Anyway, I don't think it's the case with us, but if it makes things easier, don't force yourself to ignore the idea. After all, we really don't know this one way or the other. It's a puzzle.
Your daughter is beautiful. I wish you peace.
Your cyster,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
I have not been in your same position. After 3 losses, I chose adoption. Please do not think that you are a bad mother. Of course you would think of Miracle when you look at Journee, they are both your children, they are sisters.
After adopting my children I would think about the babies that I lost and what life would be like, it is only natural. It is bittersweet to watch the ones that we have and remember or think about the ones that are missing. Be gentle with yourself and don't try to rush your grieving. The grieving doesn't just go away because you now have a baby at home with you. Enjoy Journee, but never feel bad about remembering Miracle.
Kath
ps. Journee is beautiful
__________________ dx pcos and IR 12/02
298/240/199/140 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Biggest Loser Wannabe To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
IR Diet - it's called a diet but it is really a lifestyle change To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Mom to 3 angels (2 1st trimester miscarriages & 1 full term stillborn) and 2 grade schoolers
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Hard being a mother after loss 
