ShellyMTL

Holiday time.... I hate it now , but I use to love it . I never realized that the reason I actually loved the holidays was because I was around children, and a lot of them. My ex husband had many many many children on side of the family and there are several children on my side as well . I am now married to the most wonderful man , I would not change this for anything. But my holidays are lonely and sad . He is an only child , not close to his cousins or anything . I moved to Montreal 5 years ago , to be with him . Him and his parents dont even celebrate Thanksgiving even though Canada's Thanksgiving is in October. I dealt with all this with the hopes of soon being pregnant/and or having a child or two by now . Well there's no pregnancy and no children and to top it all off , its now just me and him , we have moved to Jersey City.

My heart aches , I could go home for the holidays to be with my family, but it wouldn't feel right. I love this man more then life and not having him with me around the holidays would break my heart. We are going to Montreal for Christmas , but still there will be no children around . I know this sounds completely pety and I know I am whinning and all . BUT I have been feeling better , with the new medicine I am taking but walking through the stores and seeing all the Christmas stuff is breaking my heart and soul . I feel like such a loser of a person , I should say WOMEN even though I cant even feel like a women since I can not have a child .

I am hoping my thoughts dont get any darker and my heart will not break during this time , I just dont want to be like this anymore .

Thanks for letting me ramble
Shelly

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nikkiraz

I understand what you are saying. Even though my situation is a little different. My family is the one without the little kids and it is fine for me, but on my husbands side there are multiple little ones. HIs family does not our challenge with my diagonsis of PCOS and people are constantly asking us when we are having kids. It is so hard and heartbreaking for me to be around his family with all my neices and nephews because we want one of our own so bad. Have you and your husband ever thought about adoption. I know it is something that my husband and I have both considered if we are unable to concieve. There are so many little ones that need and long for a loving home and someone to call mom and dad. I have 2 cousins on my side of the family that were adopted and they to this day say it is the best thing that ever happened to them. Just a thought.
Hope things look a little brighter for you and the long holiday season is a little more bearable for you.

nikki

ShellyMTL

Thanks Nikki !!!

Yeah are talking about getting into fostering and adoption. But I hate to say it my husband just doesnt seem to into it . I just am feeling like now I am just a loser.

Thanks
Shelly

I am sorry you are going through all this as well , i would never wish this upon anyone at all

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LucyLu

Here's a thought. what about getting involved in a child related charity this holiday? You may find even adopting a family from the Salvation Army helps you get through the blues.
The holidays were awful for me growing up, and I know I still go through some depression during them, but through charitable things I help ease the pain a little.
Of course, as my children have grown, I always adopt a young child for the holiday so I can spend some time in the toy section.
Just a thought.
Hang in there, and just know you are never alone.

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