having a Boyfriend and the whole hairy mess, how do you deal?..etc.

WindDancer · 03-15-2007, 06:29 PM

So, I've met a guy on online dating. Everything is going great. We have been on the phone every night for almost two weeks now, sometimes for 3-7 hours!

We have exchanged lots of pictures, and he's always telling me how beautiful I am. (Something I never thought a man would ever say about me). He would be my first boyfriend, well...my first everything, if it all works out.

We are planning on meeting in about a month.
I am just getting really paranoid about my 'hairy' issues.
There's only so much a picture captures, I dont look like I have any problems with facial hair etc. from my pictures, but in reality..up close and personal you can tell.

And when should you tell him you have PCOS?
How should you tell him?
Everything is going so great, what if he doesn't understand?

I think its too soon to tell him, but I dont think I should wait till the day we meet, And just spring it on him, or should I ?

Like I have hair all over my face, arms, legs, butt, back, etc. some places less than others, but still grosses me out.

yeah, so, I'm goin crazy...lol

any help with this would be great!
pleas share your personal experiences with this issue.
How did you tell him? and how did you deal with the hairyness and haveing someone in contact with it.
anything! please

joyblack · 03-15-2007, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindDancer

So, I've met a guy on online dating. Everything is going great. We have been on the phone every night for almost two weeks now, sometimes for 3-7 hours!

We have exchanged lots of pictures, and he's always telling me how beautiful I am. (Something I never thought a man would ever say about me). He would be my first boyfriend, well...my first everything, if it all works out.

We are planning on meeting in about a month.
I am just getting really paranoid about my 'hairy' issues.
There's only so much a picture captures, I dont look like I have any problems with facial hair etc. from my pictures, but in reality..up close and personal you can tell.

And when should you tell him you have PCOS?
How should you tell him?
Everything is going so great, what if he doesn't understand?

I think its too soon to tell him, but I dont think I should wait till the day we meet, And just spring it on him, or should I ?

Like I have hair all over my face, arms, legs, butt, back, etc. some places less than others, but still grosses me out.

yeah, so, I'm goin crazy...lol

any help with this would be great!
pleas share your personal experiences with this issue.
How did you tell him? and how did you deal with the hairyness and haveing someone in contact with it. anything! please

I'm sure everyone's tired of reading my experience -- my now-dh saw me for the first time when I was caught out at a gathering not having shaved for 24 hours and with obvious coarse moustache stubble -- not to mention the fact that I wasn't wearing the padded bra that I most certainly, even at 19, needed to give me the appearance of having any figure at all. Neither of these things put him off in the slightest. He insists that he was very glad to see the coarse moustache stubble,because he figured I must have been shaving it for years and so I must be a whole lot older than my figure (or lack of it) suggested.

You don't say anything about how much hair you have or where, but I think that in your situation I'd shave my face clean and leave the rest so that he'll realize you're hairy. You can tell him on some other occasion that you shave.

I worried terribly about what guys would think if they knew I had a moustache and was hairy elsewhere as well. The reality is that I was wasting my energy worrying. There are quite a few males know I shave my face -- and not one of them has been nasty about it. Interested, yes. Curious, yes. But not in a nasty way.

If he's the right guy for you it'll be fine. Don't make too big a deal of it. Don't keep yourself away from him because of it. Don't try to hide it.

WindDancer · 03-16-2007, 12:23 AM

Quote:

If he's the right guy for you it'll be fine. Don't make too big a deal of it. Don't keep yourself away from him because of it. Don't try to hide it.

yeah, your right

joyblack · 03-16-2007, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindDancer

yeah, your right

Just remember that most Canadian girls have to shave their legs, so a guy isn't going to be surprised to see hair there (even though quite a lot of girls don't have to shave their upper legs and some have virtually no leg hair). If a girl's got hairy upper thighs, she's almost certainly going to have a hairy butt. And a lot of girls have hairy arms and hair on the back. And most girls have to do something about removing their moustache occasionally.

Any guy who's living in the real world is going to have to look for a girl who's First Nation or Asian if he's wanting to find a girl who doesn't have facial and body hair in some measure!

The conclusion I've reached is that most guys like it when a girl is quite matter-of-fact about facial and body hair.

I hope your experience --whether with the guy you're hoping to meet or with someone else -- is as good as mine. I'm sure there must be plenty of guys who hate facial and body hair on women -- but there are certainly plenty who don't mind it at all. I wasted years worrying needlessly about it. Don't make the same mistake :-)

KeLs 37 · 03-16-2007, 12:34 PM

I would say tell him about PCOS before you meet him..bring it up slyly tho..not just out of nowhere. Or you could just wait until you meet him in person, i would def tell him tho..let him know theres a specific reason why you look the way you do. It took me a while to tell my boyfriend about it..but he had already known I was kinda hairy just from being with me..though i always made sure i was well groomed before we would spend time together. We've been together for about a little over 3 years now, i eventually told him about it, made him read up on it. He feels bad for me and what I have to go thru (mainly the weight & hair issues). But now we also joke about it, we even went to the store together to pick me out one of those mens power razors without the blade..lol god love him..

joyblack · 03-16-2007, 11:33 PM

[quote=KeLs 37;1888334578 It took me a while to tell my boyfriend about it..but he had already known I was kinda hairy just from being with me..though i always made sure i was well groomed before we would spend time together. We've been together for about a little over 3 years now, i eventually told him about it, made him read up on it. He feels bad for me and what I have to go thru (mainly the weight & hair issues). But now we also joke about it, we even went to the store together to pick me out one of those mens power razors without the blade..lol god love him..[/quote]Well the thing is that
1) he realized you were hairy
2) it didn't scare him off
3) he accepts the fact that it's male-type hair growth
4) he was keen to help you pick out a men's razor
5) you can even joke about it, so it's actually become something that bonds you together.

And quite a number of us have had similar experiences. We've been afraid that because it makes us somewhat "masculine" the hair growth would scare a guy away, but what we've actually found is that at least some guys are more than ready to accept our "masculine" bits and they can actually even be something that bonds us together.

whittydoodle · 03-18-2007, 08:30 PM

I know I am in the exact same position as you I have very hairy arms and legs and I have better sideburns then most guys! And I met a guy on line and you can't tell you have hair in pics and I am terribly paranoid about anyone touching my face! I have a date in a week and I too am freaking out. I guess I should probably talk to him about it but I am afraid I will scare him off even before we meet.(which has happened in the past)

AnnieC · 03-18-2007, 09:09 PM

First of all Whitty, you are beautiful and any guy will be lucky to get a date with you.

I have only told two boyfriends about my situation. Both didn't (or said they didn't) notice. But I shave my stomach and my chest, and I have a hairy face that I'm continually plucking. If I were you, I wouldn't say anything on a first date about PCOS. I would keep it lighthearted and friendly. Just pretend like it's not there. Try to be confident and not be insecure about your hair. Unless you have big burly hairs on your eyelids and lips, I really don't think you have to explain anything. Remember, it is always more noticeable to you than anyone else. As a matter of fact, I never told either guy I was with until we were intimate. Both said it was no big deal and that they loved me for who I was. And that's the way it should be. I think that if he's going to blow you off for a little bit of hair then he's definitely not a great guy anyway, at least not for you!

BTW, I'd be more paranoid about cliff-hanger boogers or bad breath than my hair, and I have A TON!

DiamondInTheRough · 03-20-2007, 03:47 PM

I've never felt the need to openly discuss this, and I've been with my husband for 10 years now.

If I were you, I don't think I'd say a thing. If he has vision, he'll see for himself. If he truly cares for you, not only will he see the hair, but more importantly, he'll see past the hair...

My fear is, if you point blank tell him, especially before you meet, his mind may play all sorts of tricks on him, and he might imagine the hair far worse then it really is.

But if you really feel strongly about mentioning it to him, perhaps just bring up that you have PCOS, and suggest that he might like to look it up one day on-line. Then he'll read for himself what it entails, and what it might mean for you. But honestly, I think it's too early to let someone who you haven't even met yet, know your medical status...

Best wishes!

bluemoon328 · 03-23-2007, 01:49 AM

I give you all credit for having the guts to tell a guy about your hair problem I have the same problem too.....I deal with it by not dating. It sucks! I have hair pretty much everywhere but you most likely wouldn't know it, I shave everyday and wear plenty of makeup to cover the shadows. I won't date because I'm afraid of rejection and humiliation....and I do meet plenty of guys. I feel like I'm wasting my life, but I don't know what else to do. So my hats off to you all who are at least trying.

whittydoodle · 03-23-2007, 02:49 PM

thanks blue moon I know the feeling I go in and out of the dating seen becuase of my lack of confidence about my hair. But there is many ladies on this site that I have head them say that thier ARE guys out there that don't care about hair. SO I find great hope in that and know that someday it will happen I just have to be patient! Don't give up and try to look at your good qualities and ignore the bad ones! Ohh and by the way I have my date tommorrow wish me luck girls!

joyblack · 03-23-2007, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluemoon328

I give you all credit for having the guts to tell a guy about your hair problem I have the same problem too.....I deal with it by not dating. It sucks! I have hair pretty much everywhere but you most likely wouldn't know it, I shave everyday and wear plenty of makeup to cover the shadows. I won't date because I'm afraid of rejection and humiliation....and I do meet plenty of guys. I feel like I'm wasting my life, but I don't know what else to do. So my hats off to you all who are at least trying.

Don't waste your life -- get out there and get friendly with the guys you meet. Plenty of us have learned -- to our considerable surprise -- that there are plenty of guys who really aren't in the least fazed by girls who shave every day. I think they'd probably be more put off by the "plenty of makeup" than they would by any shadow.

Meta888 · 03-24-2007, 04:51 PM

I think the key factor in this situation is whether or not YOU are comfortable having excess hair. It seems to me that if you are the kind of woman who is not comfortable and have not yet come to terms with the fact that you have excess hair - you can never be comfortable with a guy with regards to the hair issue. However, if you have come to terms with it and feel comfortable with the situation, you are much more likely to be able to find yourself in a situation with a man who is able to look past the issue and love you anyway.

My point is, unless you have the confidence and security within yourself, you can never expect somebody else to bring that to you. It's like anything else in life. You must first find the confidence and peace within yourself.

I know, I am a single cyster who avoids relationships and intimacy with guys because of this issue. I am not now, nor have I ever been comfortable with the hair issue as it has gotten progressively worse over the years. Before the hair issue got worse, I was quite comfortable with men and intimacy. Since I am not comfortable being touched, how can I expect someone to be comfortable touching me?!?!?

On the flip side, there is no need to suffer needlessly. After many years, I am finally trying to take control of my health - and am getting treatment for the PCOS and am trying to garner up the courage to begin laser hair removal. Once I have gotten my body to a place that I am comfortable with (at the end of the day the most important thing is being comfortable in your own skin) -- watch out!!! LOL.

It's unfortunate, my excess hair shouldn't prevent me from having a relationship or being intimate, but it does, because I am so not comfortable or at peace about it. Once I get myself to a place where I feel comfortable then I will be able to be with someone else. For those Cysters who are in loving relationships and have not let the hair issue stop them from being with someone else, I highly suspect it's because they are OK or have accepted this issue as being part of who they are (and mad kudos to them!).

Does that make any sense?

- Meta888

joyblack · 03-24-2007, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meta888

My point is, unless you have the confidence and security within yourself, you can never expect somebody else to bring that to you. It's like anything else in life. You must first find the confidence and peace within yourself.

Does that make any sense?

It makes sense and it may be how most people find it -- but it's not actually true in my case :-).

At 19 I couldn't see how any guy would ever find a flat-chested girl with a moustache attractive and was doing my best to hide both "problems" but was caught out -- the very night we first met -- by my now dh, without padding and with a day's growth of very obvious stubble on my upper lip. And he still wanted me. In fact he's often told me that he was glad to see the stubble because if I'd that much coarse stubble I must have been shaving for years so I must be older than my figure -- or lack of it -- would suggest.

It was the fact that he saw my moustache in a positive light and didn't see my flatness in a negative light that forced me to rethink my own attitude to what I had always thought were very negative physical features. If it hadn't been for his attitude I very much doubt that my attitude would have changed.

Clearly, then, it can work both ways.

mix · 03-24-2007, 05:52 PM

i met my now dh online - we did the whole online thing for nearly a year. i did tell him about my pcos, but that's because i was going through a particularly hard time with my best friend dying, which triggered hair loss, so i had to explain to him that i might be bald when i arrived in the states! lol!!

as it turned out, i wasn't bald - i just had a big shedding due to stress, but it all grew back.

as for facial hair, i have a fair bit that i have to tackle every day, sometimes twice a day. my dh and i have been together now for 4 1/2 years, and in that time we've had a few arguments, which can sometimes lead on to personal insults. i would've thought by now he'd say something about my hair, but he hasn't.

what i'm trying to say is, i don't think that they really see it like we do.

i don't think you need to tell your chap about pcos just yet, unless you want to.