Having a difficult time...need some help

misscoyote · 10-21-2003, 11:58 PM

I hate to come on here and sound like a big baby but I think its time I reach out to some of you for help.

My only brother was killed last month and things just haven't been the same. I seem to be okay when I am with people or at work but when I am alone I cry almost non-stop. If I'm out of tears I eat. In addition to my brother dying, two of my really good friends told me within the week that they are both pregnant. I ended a relationship last weekend with a guy I'd been seeing for a while because it just didn't seem like it was working for me anymore.

I just feel like nothing is going right for me and everyone else around me is getting what they want. I know it takes time to grieve and work through everything but can't help but think that nothing is important anymore.

oohmercyme · 10-22-2003, 01:14 AM

WOW hun- you got a lot going on in your life! So sorry to hear about your brothers death and all that other stuff on top of it. You're right, it does take time to grieve and you have had very little time thus far to do so. I hope you have friends or family who can support you through this time. If not, try a counsellor or minister, even a crisis line. I hope your statement about nothing being important anymore, is not an indication that you are thinking life isnt worth living anymore, in that case you really need to find someone to talk to and fast. It sounds like things are pretty overwhelming right now and you need some support to make things more managable. I hope you are able to reach out and get the support you need. I will pray for you.

Blessings,
Lori

irishstjean · 10-22-2003, 01:19 AM

Sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue...

YOU are important!!!

Life can certainly suck sometimes and you are in the right place here to talk about it. I'm so sorry about your brother, I can't imagine how sad I would be at losing one of mine. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, for what that is worth.

Hang in there sweetie - and don't be afraid to talk to your MD about depression and meds if needed. There is no need to suffer more than you are already.

Don't hesitate to email (irishstjean@yahoo.com) if you need a place to vent - we're all family here :-)

Jen

Lendi · 10-22-2003, 08:15 PM

I'm so very sorry for you loss. How that must hurt. I know there are no words that truly can give you comfort as I've been through this, but I do want you to know how sorry I feel. And, you will have good days mixed in with the bad days. I was in tears just today because it was my dear sweet nieces birthday monday. But, I have lots of good days, too. Try to make a memory book of you and your brothers lives. Write stuff down. And, write a letter saying how angry you are that he left you, then tear it up or get rid of it and invision yourself allowing those feelings to go with it. Yes, it does sound strange, but there is probably anger in you, too. But above all, allow yourself to grieve. It is ok to have all of these emotions. Gentle caring hugs, Lendi

daculadawg1 · 10-23-2003, 01:04 PM

i agree with lori, i hope you can talk with your family.
you can always pm me and well talk more.
i will say a prayer for you.
linda mull

greydaze · 10-23-2003, 01:20 PM

Big hugs to you! I lost my brother a year ago and some days are still really hard to get through. It's a hard realization that your life will never be the same. Take some time to care for yourself. I had to seek out help from other people- I went to therapy and cried oceans to a stranger. What I found that really helped me the most was massage therapy. It gave me the opportunity to be quiet for a while and turn inwards. I began to feel more connected to my body and everything became a lot clearer. I still grieve but I have some control back and most of my days are happy ones.

I hope you find something that can bring you comfort as well. My thoughts are with you.
-Grey

angeltears · 10-23-2003, 01:32 PM

Oh dear, I know exactly how you feel. My dear sister died of cancer in May, 2002 and then my wonderful mother died in November, 2002. I have also been going through the grieving process, but double. I know what you mean when you say that when you are around people or at work, you seem okay and can hold it all together, but once you are alone, the dam breaks and it seems like nothing can help hold the tears back. I've been the same way. I eventually had to go to the doctor and he put me on Paxil and I have been doing much much better. I also went and talked to a grief counselor and that helped me tremendously. I'll be sitting here at work and all of a sudden it will hit me "My mother's gone", or "my sisters's gone." And the sadness will wash over me like a tidal wave.

Your life will never, ever be the same. Your loss will get easier to deal with, but your life will never be the way it used to be. Someone you love is missing. Like a big hole in your heart. I also know what you mean when you say that nothing is important anymore. I mean, what could be worse than losing a loved one, right? All of sudden the little things in life seem irrelevant.

I don't have any advice for you except that if you feel like you are suffering from depression, or if you are having a hard time with the grieving process, please, please go talk to a counselor. Your grief is still going to be there, and it is very very difficult to get through, but you can do it. I have good days and bad days, but I've managed to get through them. I have been able to draw strength from my Mom because she was such a strong person and I feel her guiding me through this.

I'm sorry I just wrote a book, but I just wanted you to know that there are plenty of people out there suffering with the loss of a loved one and, even though you feel alone, you definitely are not.

Just take one day at a time and I promise you, things will get better.

God Bless,

misscoyote · 10-23-2003, 03:19 PM

I know I am not alone and appreciate your kind words. I know I should make an appointment to see someone and I probably will if I don't feel better soon. I called in sick today for the first time but I don't like being home alone this long. Its been hard for me to be happy about my friends' babies even though I know I should be. I think thats the hardest part of it all.