I had a missed m/c at the end of March, and a D&C in April. I am about 6 weeks away from my original due date.
I am noticing that I am getting a lot more emotional again. I was home a few days ago and I (stupidly) watched 2 episodes of A Baby Story on TLC. I cried though them both. Then today, I was driving to work and something set me off. I cried almost the whole way there.
I know that crying is good for me, and it's a way for me to deal with the grief. However, is this what I'll be doing for the next six weeks? Any ideas on how to cope with this anniversary?
Special dates are hard, but like all of the rest of it, this time can be a real rollercoaster. You will have some good days and bad, and then of course there are wild pcos hormones on top of it. I found that the time leading up to the anniversaries was harder for me than the actual day... and that once I figured out how I wanted to commemorate the day, I felt a lot better and started preparing. Will you be able to take a day off and do something special? We planted a tree on our due date, as if this new beginning of a long life would represent the one that our daughter should have begun at that time. Sometimes just planning to stay in bed and pamper yourself can be comforting... there are lots of choices.
I suggest staying away from the baby shows for a while!! Rent some comedy movies that have no pregnancies or babies in them, and you'll be better off. Try to get out and do things that you really like. Even though this time will be rough, you can mix in some good stuff to give yourself some relief.
(((Hugs)))
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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. I found that the time leading up to the anniversaries was harder for me than the actual day...
I found this to be true as well.
About a month before my due date, I started thinking every day "maybe this would've been the day" and somehow it was a weird sort of anxious anticipation.... but the day came and went and wasn't too hard. I had a few drinks, toasted our little Scooter, and things started to lighten up for me.
I'm not going to lie... I still get sad and don't like to watch baby shows too much.... but it's more a poignant calmness than anything. I have to believe that he's ok and being taken care of in Heaven. I don't know if I believe in God... but I do believe in angels and souls.
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The weeks leading up to my due date are always hard because I think that I am supposed to be planning a b-day party. I still have a hard time after all of these years. One important thing is to make sure you have support from someplace (like the wonderful ladies here). Something I do a lot now, which I find to be healing, is to write letters to my baby. It helps to let out all of these feelings and emotions.
{{HUGS}} Try to take care of yourself during this time. I know I tend to neglect my own health when I am close to those painful anniversary dates, and this just makes me feel even worse.
__________________ Janet (31) DH (41) ttc 7 years
Miscarriage 1/19/1999 at 10 weeks
Met ER 2000 mg daily HSG to be scheduled next cycle after af
Waiting on dh's SA results
Expecting to start Clomid after test results are in
Thanks for the advice. I can understand how it's hardest leading up to the anniversary. I'm sorry we all have to go through this.
Ok, so it's time for me to start planning about what to do for my due date. I've been avoiding this, probably because I don't want to deal with the saddness. But I know that in the end, it'll be a positive way to remember my little one.
I'll admit, I'm usually a lurker and don't post a lot, but this group of ladies have been wonderful when I need support the most. Thanks again!
Roxgirl, my husband and I released a balloon into the sky...that was sort of our goodbye. It allowed us to let go of so much, yet hold on to so much, too.
I used to watch the baby story too, like I was punishing myself. I would cry and cry. Finally, my husband took my hands and told me to stop doing this to myself. That really helped me. I know men have a different way of coping, yet they grieve too. But just having him do that for me in that moment, that relieved a lot for me.
I really miss our baby. He would have been in preschool this year. I wish I could have held him in my arms just once. But I was so traumatized by it all, that I didn't even see him. It was like I was there, but I wasn't. They asked me, and I said no, that I'd see him one day (in Heaven). I do believe that, but not seeing him or holding him has been my biggest regret in life, and I hope I never have a greater regret then that, because this one is a BIGGIE on the guilt scale.
There's a belief in my faith that on the Day of Judgement, our lost babies will not (agree to) enter Heaven without us, that they'd pull us through the gate by the umbilical cord...or something to that effect. He was the apple of my eye...
I wish there was no such thing as grief. But since there is, I pray God replaces it with peace in our hearts.
Take Care.
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-Albert Einstein
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Rox, we released a balloon on my due date, too. Then we went to Chipotle and had burritos. They were my biggest craving during pregnancy, and the night Rivi was born, after the whisked him off to the NICU, I had hubby go get me one. That's the only meal I ate while Rivi was alive.
Do whatever feels best on your due date. If it will be too hard to do anything, then don't. Your baby will understand.
I found that the time leading up to the anniversaries was harder for me than the actual day... and that once I figured out how I wanted to commemorate the day, I felt a lot better and started preparing.
I agree with this.
DH and I went out to dinner on 2 out of our 3 our due dates (we haven't hit the third one yet, that will be November 9th.) Not to celebrate, obviously, but in remembrance.
Another thing that helped me is to remind myself that only 2% of babies are born on their due date. Then I refused to let myself wonder what day it might have been.
Also, on my first due date, that pregnancy had made it to 10 weeks and I had started to keep a decent scrapbook. I let myself go through it and read all my entries and cards that people had sent, etc. Although I cried while doing this, I'm still glad I did it. With my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, the losses were very early and I didn't have very long journals, but I did still have them. My 2nd due date was only 2 days ago so I guess I'll look at that journal tonight.
Meghan - your post about reading your baby scrapbook reminded me about some e-mails with one of my friends. We e-mailed each other frequently from the time I told her I was pg through the m/c. I've read the e-mails once already, a few months ago, and it was very sad, but still very positive/affirming. I could tell how hopeful and excited I was, but also I could tell that I knew that there was something wrong with that pregnancy. One that I will always remember: after a particularly stressful time, I remember telling my friend that I thought the baby was a girl, and figured after all the complications I'd been through, that she'd be a drama queen after she was born! Thinking about that still makes me smile.
Thanks, everbody, for sharing your traditions, and for your help.
Wow, it's good that you are able to look back at those days through your email messages. If you had/have strong feelings that you had a little girl, you could tailor your choice of how to spend the due date based on that. If you want to release a baloon, for example, you could do a pink one or choose one of the decorated ones that would be good for a little drama queen. Some moms with early losses choose to name their babies, and you have that choice if you want to do so. It's easier when the gender is known or strongly felt. These are just some ideas. I hope that you and DH have a chance to spend time together, regardless. It is with our love that these little treasures are made, and in that love is where they are most alive, in my opinion.
Hugs,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Having a Hard Time 
Rent some comedy movies that have no pregnancies or babies in them, and you'll be better off. Try to get out and do things that you really like. Even though this time will be rough, you can mix in some good stuff to give yourself some relief.
