Having a hard time lately *DD mentioned*

Katie_W · 06-26-2008, 04:29 AM

I just need to let some stuff out, and I figured this was the place

I am having a rough few days because I keep thinking about the fact that if I were still pregnant I would be only a couple days from my second trimester and starting to feel relieved

I feel like everyone is having their 3rd or 4th or even 6th child without any problems or miscarriages and all I want is my second

I know I am truly blessed to have my daughter but that doesn't mean I don't deserve another.

I feel like everyone has forgotten about my loss except me and I feel like no one really understands how much I wanted that baby.
I feel like September is ages away and I just want to start trying again, but at the same time I am so scared and I feel guilty about being scared because I am not so much scared of another loss but of having to start from scratch again.. does that make me a bad person?

Everywhere I go there and tiny beautiful babies, and everywhere I go there are mothers who can't take care of them.. or parents who think a child is a tax write off and as long as you feed her that's all she needs.

I want to feel a baby in my body, I want to hold my baby in my arms, I want to kiss my babies feet and smell that wonderful baby smell.
I want to hold a sleeping baby and now how much they depend on me.

My DD is almost 3 and I love her more than anything in the world but again she is 3 and she likes the ocassional cuddle but for the most part she is so independant and smart that she doesn't need me and I feel as thought I am loosing my purpose

I want her to have a brother or sister, and almost every day she askes "baby in your tummy mama?" and I say "no not anymore hunny, the baby was not the baby we were ment to have in our arms, soon there will be another, that baby is somewhere beautiful now"
and I smile, but inside I am screaming.. why?! why?! why couldn't that baby be the right baby? why couldn't I hold that baby in my arms!!?

I am sorry about my rambling but I feel so broken right now

Lezasc20 · 06-26-2008, 08:07 AM

Katie. Im sorry that you are feeling this way. I have to tell you that I'm feeling exactly the same emotions....and I have no babies at home to make me smile. I feel the same that everyone has forgotten about my baby except me. Even my dh wont mention it...I think in fear of awakening his own emotions. I know the frustrations of starting from scratch. I found out today that we can start trying...so as we're lying in eachother's arms tonight...."making a baby" my husband tells me "I dont want to get you pregnant again"...besides killing the mood I burst into tears.

There are no words to take away your pain and answer why your baby is not here. I wish that someone had the words...I would take them from their mouth and write them down for you. I believe that all babies lost are just those who are made to perfect for our world and they are waiting to greet us in the perfect Heaven.

Each day I have been doing something that makes me feel better. Whether it be take one extra step off the sidewalk....that has taken me 12 days to even touch. People on here told me to do something for myself...so tomorrow I'm getting a sassy new haircut, and other pampering. I know it probably wont take your pain away but try to do something special for yourself. Even though it makes me cry, I open my baby's box of pictures, onesies and pregnancy journal just to remind myself there WAS A BABY. Since everyone including my best friends and dh have stopped talking about the baby I still feel it and I know that this baby will never be forgotten.

I know you are strong....you have proven it. Just dont be strong for others sake. You can have any emotion that you would like. Cry....c'mon, do it with me. Smile....just look at your beautiful DD. And think of your beautiful baby that is in a much better place playing with all the other TOO PERFECT babies.

I pray that you find peace. I'm still searching as well. So I'm sure as our days seem dark now....soon, they'll begin to get brighter.

xoxo Leza

Miracle07 · 06-26-2008, 12:17 PM

Katie- I could have wrote your post myself. I don't have any advice to give you really. I just cherish my DS and spend as much time with him as possible. He is such a miracle.

SheriKCMO · 06-26-2008, 06:09 PM

Lots of hugs!! I hate the bad days. I really hope things go well for you all next time around. Days like this, you just have to let those feelings flow and process that grief, because it will be there waiting to come out sometime! I hope tomorrow feels better, and come vent anytime.

Baby4Shelly · 06-26-2008, 06:40 PM

HUGS Mama

Quote:

I feel like everyone has forgotten about my loss except me and I feel like no one really understands how much I wanted that baby.

I am in the same boat. I just lost my baby 13 weeks pregnant I feel like no one cares and most just say "oh be happy with the ones you have"
to me it was the perfect completion of our family that we now dont have
My DD is 4 and we had just told her about the baby. I havent had the heart to tell her Im hoping to just get pregnant again and keep going.

Now going through this I know that its ok to grieve and even if noone asks I still tell friends and family how much Im hurting. Let your feelings out.. reach out to people you can talk to. and coming online and getting support is great too!

HUGs Mama and peace to you

scubastar5 · 06-29-2008, 06:59 PM

I completely understand where you are coming from. I lost my baby at 5 weeks, but it still hurt more than anything i have ever experienced. The thing that i learned is that everyone else does forget about it (or atleast acts liek they do). But you felt the baby, or atleast symptoms of pregnancy, and that was enough for me. I was pregnant, and i lost my baby. Even DH doesnt talk about it, he says well we will get pregnant again. But thats not the point, the point is that my baby is gone. I went to a family reunion yesterday and my cousin has a 14 month old little girl. Our family just completely surrounded that little girl for hours and all i could think about was how much i missed being pregnant and how much i wanted my baby back. Life is so unfair soemtimes. Please know that you are not alone. And with the support of all of us, you can make it through this. Personally, i dont know what i would do without you all. I can only talk to DH so much about this because he just says it will happen........ So, i cry almost everyday on my way to school and on my way home. I wouldnt have anyone to talk to if it werent for you girls!!! I also understand what you mean when you talked about the people who just have kids for tax purposes. It seems like everywhere ago i see bad parents or parents who dont take care of their children. I work as an xray tech and every time i see babies who come in for abuse it kills me. Just stay strong, and try to be optimistic. And understand that sometimes people say really hurtful things when they are really just trying to help. That is the only advice i can give you.

polly-pcos · 06-29-2008, 07:27 PM

I completely sympathise, I had my first m/c a while ago,have had another since, don't have any other children. I am a teacher and glancing down the info on the new intake have realised that if I hadn't m/c my baby would be starting school in September and there will be kids in my school the age my first one would be. For various reasons we aren't TTC and very rarely I catch myself thinking , what if..... And it upsets me. No-one ever talks to me about the m/c and my instant reactions when people ask me about babies (I've been married 6 yrs August) is, "Oh no, not yet" as in reality, it's far too complicated.

Anyway, hopefully, September will come round soon, and good luck when TTC again!

Miracle07 · 06-30-2008, 11:38 AM

Shelley, Scubastar and Polly-PCOS- (((HUGS))) to you ladies. I am so sorry for your losses.

AnotherDreamer · 06-30-2008, 04:12 PM

(*hugs*) I don't have a child, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be for your family right now. And people remember your baby, don't worry about that. I feel that way sometimes, but people remember, they just don't understand. They never seem to understand. and because they can't fully understand, they can't be there like you need them to be. Unless they've walked in these shoes they can't understand why you aren't over it yet, because they know you lost a pregnancy, but they can not understand that it wasn't just a pregnancy to you, it was a baby. your baby. And it isn't something that is easily forgotten, and easily smoothed over.

I know that feeling. No one ever mentions my pregnancy, my baby... just the other kids. My nephews, my nieces; they're the grandchildren, mine never comes up. It's as if he never existed, but he did.
But I remember him, and I still mourn him. So whether they acknowledge it or not, I do. It's so tough, mourning alone, but it seems to always happen this way with miscarriages. The whole thing is such a raw deal, so unfair, and it's ridiculous.

I don't know if that helps at all, but I wanted to let you know I know what you mean. I don't know how hard it is for you specifically, but I know how hard this has been for me, and I can imagine.

I'm glad you got this out, and we're here if you need us. We will always be glad to hear you out, that's why we're here. To help each other get through all this.

MichieB · 06-30-2008, 07:17 PM

I'm so sorry Katie, I understand where your coming from i lost my son at 17 weeks in april, and I feel so down at the moment, everyone is pregnant my sis has a 5 month old son even my dads wife is expecting in aug. No one mentions my baby no more especially my partner I feel like everyone has forgotton about my loss as I go on like normal because I dont want to upset my 3 yrs old daughter. I totally understand when u said your DD is independant and does not rely on u mine is exactly the same I was so looking forward to having a tiny newborn again and a little brother for my DD.

Im TTC now ive managed to get over my fear of it happening again. I really want to be pregnant again but it took well over 2 yrs for me to fall pregnant with my son.

Your not alone and we'll always remember our babies they will never leave our thoughts and our hearts. My daughter knows that the baby has gone and she talks about him all the time as she come to my 12wk scan. It's comforting and painful to speak to her about him as she was so looking forward to having a baby brother. But I have her still and i find myself thinking what if she was not here it would be so much harder. Stay close to ur DD as she will always be a source of comfort to you

Miracle07 · 07-01-2008, 10:36 AM

Michie- I am so sorry for the loss of your DS. It is so hard. Others go on with their lives and we are always the ones that remember our angels.

scubastar5 · 07-01-2008, 09:15 PM

Ok girls, so bear with me because i feel the need to vent. I am so mad at myself today because i chose to go to a baby shower at school, (I seriously didnt think anything about it) I was rushing all day trying to help get stuff together. I barely knew the guy, he is a radiation therapist at the clinic that i am doing my school rotation through. Anywho, i was sitting there and all of the women who have children were talking about their pregnancy symptoms to the soon to be mom. They were talking about the nausea and the sore breasts and the fatigue. None of them know that i miscarried, and i dont really want them to know. But all i could think about was how i use to have all of those symptoms,a nd now i dont. My baby is gone, and everyone else has their children to brag about. I know that a lot of women miscarry, i understand taht part. But gosh, i really didnt think it would hit me like that. Then when the parents were opening the presents, i just thought that in a couple of months that would be me and DH, happy and pregnant. Gosh, i dont know why i even went to that stupid thing. It has really been a horrible day after that, and all i can think about is how much i miss being pregnant and feeling all of those symptoms that i have wanted for so long. I envy the belly that so many women complain about!!

Miracle07 · 07-01-2008, 09:55 PM

scubastar- (((HUGS))) I have been there. It is so tough..