Having a hard time with my faith!!!

alicro · 09-12-2004, 06:29 PM

I am really having a hard time with my faith right now..I am a christian..as a matter of fact..I preach...sad huh.. I am in the training stage of my ministry..but I am just having a really hard time..My husband and I have been married since June 99 and ttc since the first time we came together as husband and wife and I have struggled with this from the beginning.. I was told that I was going to get PG and have a boy and by several preachers and it has been over 5 years now and nothing..I lost hope in that a few years back when it didn't happen and now I am really sad and depressed and stressed out because I want a baby and I am having problems with prolonged bleeding and hormones and not feeling good and I ask God to heal me..and nothing..I ask God to give me a baby and nothing and I am just at the point that God is against me and that he dosen't care and that he dosen't hear me and aaaawwwwhhhhh!!!!!!!! I just want to pull my hair out..Is it the hormones is it me what is it.. I just have a lot of confusion and doubt and pain spritually.. I know I shouldn't ..I love God I just don't think that he loves me and then the scripture that if God gave his son freely want he give all things freely unto us whom he loves... Ok God where is it..Why am I having to struggle with this..Please will someone tell me...I just can't understand....Is any one else having the same problem???

Hopefully_Wishing · 09-12-2004, 06:42 PM

I know it's hard waiting to become pregnant. My Dh and I tried for long time. You can't think that God doesn't love you. I believe that everything will happen for a reason. Maybe you are meant to adopt a child in need and god is just waiting for the right time. When DH and I were trying for so long and so hard all my friends kept reminding me that it will happen in God's time. It is for sure worth all the waiting......God does love you and is looking out for you. Your time will come and maybe then you will understand the wait.

Amanda

Margypan · 09-13-2004, 02:39 PM

Not exact same situation, but same feelings towards God. I was convinced last week and the week before that God hated me. There was something I had prayed for despirately that God did not give to me. I did not understand why he didn't. I don't think it was wrong of me to want it. Then on top of that, I found out my bf was cheating on me with several other women.. i've come to find out recently that it was more than I even thought then. I gave myself to him.. which I knew was wrong at the time. But he said he was a Christian and would never hurt me, and he alluded to us getting married. I should have waited, and I didn't. I felt like God was punishing me. But I was so angry when other people that had done stuff WAY worse than me were still getting blessed. Shortly after I found out about by bf's infidelity we lost our dogs. I watched one of them take her last breath. It was the saddest thing I've ever witnessed, watching a living creature gasp for it's last breath as it slips away. Her brother was put down the very next day. My roommate found out her borther was going to Iraq and she had lupis. It was an awful week last week. Why were such awful things happening to us, we're really good people. Sorry for hijacking the board.. but on to my point.

My point is this.. God loves us. I know you know that. I have a few tapes from Chruch that have really helped me. One is on lonliness.. if you're feeling lonely at ALL you'd benefit from it. The other is on revenge of all kinds.. and the last is on God's mercy.. and how sometimes we need it as good people more than those worse off than us getting it. I can't do the sermons justice, but if you'd like to hear them.. I'll make you a copy and mail them to you.

Also.. I'm a HUGE fan of CS Lewis. There's a book that I'm buying of his. Mere Christianity is one I read of his that helped me truly believe in God and get my intelligence out of the way..

but the book I think you might be interested in.. not sure because i haven't read it myself.. but i just ordered it off line.. It's called Problem of Pain.

" Why must humanity suffer? In this elegant and thoughtful work, C. S. Lewis questions the pain and suffering that occur everyday and how this contrasts with the notion of a God that is both omnipotent and good. An answer to this critical theological problem is found within these pages." That's the blurb about it on yahoo books. Anyway.. I'm getting it.. I hope it helps me.. and I hope you get it and it helps you.

Let me know if you ever want to talk

Kemma18 on yahoo
and
Margypan on aim

or kemma18@yahoo.com

Good luck, and keep us updated. I'll be praying for you.

Margie

alicro · 09-13-2004, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hopefully_Wishing
I know it's hard waiting to become pregnant. My Dh and I tried for long time. You can't think that God doesn't love you. I believe that everything will happen for a reason. Maybe you are meant to adopt a child in need and god is just waiting for the right time. When DH and I were trying for so long and so hard all my friends kept reminding me that it will happen in God's time. It is for sure worth all the waiting......God does love you and is looking out for you. Your time will come and maybe then you will understand the wait.

Amanda

Thank you so much for being the first to reply..I am thankful that you cared enough to respond..I Thank GOd for sending you...Stupid me..I know that it is in God's timing..I guess I guess I just needed someone to remind me...I think about Hannah how she prayed so long and so hard for Samuel and Sarah for Issac and in God's timing it happened..God has a time ans a purpose..And I know that I will have my baby in his timing...Again Thanks and congrats on your pregnacy..may god bless it and you have a helathy baby and a good delivery...

alicro · 09-13-2004, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Margypan
Not exact same situation, but same feelings towards God. I was convinced last week and the week before that God hated me. There was something I had prayed for despirately that God did not give to me. I did not understand why he didn't. I don't think it was wrong of me to want it. Then on top of that, I found out my bf was cheating on me with several other women.. i've come to find out recently that it was more than I even thought then. I gave myself to him.. which I knew was wrong at the time. But he said he was a Christian and would never hurt me, and he alluded to us getting married. I should have waited, and I didn't. I felt like God was punishing me. But I was so angry when other people that had done stuff WAY worse than me were still getting blessed. Shortly after I found out about by bf's infidelity we lost our dogs. I watched one of them take her last breath. It was the saddest thing I've ever witnessed, watching a living creature gasp for it's last breath as it slips away. Her brother was put down the very next day. My roommate found out her borther was going to Iraq and she had lupis. It was an awful week last week. Why were such awful things happening to us, we're really good people. Sorry for hijacking the board.. but on to my point.

My point is this.. God loves us. I know you know that. I have a few tapes from Chruch that have really helped me. One is on lonliness.. if you're feeling lonely at ALL you'd benefit from it. The other is on revenge of all kinds.. and the last is on God's mercy.. and how sometimes we need it as good people more than those worse off than us getting it. I can't do the sermons justice, but if you'd like to hear them.. I'll make you a copy and mail them to you.

Also.. I'm a HUGE fan of CS Lewis. There's a book that I'm buying of his. Mere Christianity is one I read of his that helped me truly believe in God and get my intelligence out of the way..

but the book I think you might be interested in.. not sure because i haven't read it myself.. but i just ordered it off line.. It's called Problem of Pain.

" Why must humanity suffer? In this elegant and thoughtful work, C. S. Lewis questions the pain and suffering that occur everyday and how this contrasts with the notion of a God that is both omnipotent and good. An answer to this critical theological problem is found within these pages." That's the blurb about it on yahoo books. Anyway.. I'm getting it.. I hope it helps me.. and I hope you get it and it helps you.

Let me know if you ever want to talk

Kemma18 on yahoo
and
Margypan on aim

or kemma18@yahoo.com

Good luck, and keep us updated. I'll be praying for you.

Margie

Margie..You are so sweet and Understanding..You poor girl and here I thought that I had it rough.. I guess sometimes we forget about what others might be going through and only think about ourselves.... I guess that is one of our problems is that we get so wrapped up in our problem whether than seeing how big God is and how he can deliver and see what he is capable of doing... I read part of an article that joyce Myers wrote about things that steal our joy and it said that when we desire something more than we desire God, that it consumes us and steals our joy and that is what I had allowed to happen.. I guess one thing that really bothered me is that a friend of mine...she is 2 years younger than me and she has three kids and she went to see her Gyn the ohter day and he told her that if she wanted to have another kid that she needs to do so now because her endometris is getting worse and he is going to need to doa hysterectomy on her..and that she needs to decide which she wants to do..and here she has been wanting another baby and her husband has finally agreed to it and now she like I'm just not for sure.... Well what got me is that I am older than she is and I allowed this stupid fear coem on me that I will have to have one ans not ever have a baby and I just don't understand and it really upset me...but I keep the scripture on my mind..
Rom 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
So I keep thinking about this and thinking that if God gave us his son then he will give me a baby...
I will check out those books that you talked about..I have heard of CS Lewis..I don't hink that I have ever read any of his books though... and I would like a copy of those tapes if you don't mind..I will give you my email address and you can email me and I will send you my address... I am really really sorry about your boufriend cheating on you..I had one who cheated on me but Inever could prove it though..and I hate hearign about your dogs..I have a Yorkie and I jsut don't know what I would do if something happened to him..he is my baby.... and I am sorry about your friend having Lupus..I ask God to heal her/him (can't remember) but I beleive God for their healing... Isaiah 53:5,
1 Peter 2:24... I will beleive with you for that... If you ever need to talk just give me a holler...
Here is my email...alley1@brightok.net or onfire4god73@YAHOO.COM
Good luck with everything and jkeep your head up higha nd your eyes on Jesus....

alicro · 09-13-2004, 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Margypan
Not exact same situation, but same feelings towards God. I was convinced last week and the week before that God hated me. There was something I had prayed for despirately that God did not give to me. I did not understand why he didn't. I don't think it was wrong of me to want it. Then on top of that, I found out my bf was cheating on me with several other women.. i've come to find out recently that it was more than I even thought then. I gave myself to him.. which I knew was wrong at the time. But he said he was a Christian and would never hurt me, and he alluded to us getting married. I should have waited, and I didn't. I felt like God was punishing me. But I was so angry when other people that had done stuff WAY worse than me were still getting blessed. Shortly after I found out about by bf's infidelity we lost our dogs. I watched one of them take her last breath. It was the saddest thing I've ever witnessed, watching a living creature gasp for it's last breath as it slips away. Her brother was put down the very next day. My roommate found out her borther was going to Iraq and she had lupis. It was an awful week last week. Why were such awful things happening to us, we're really good people. Sorry for hijacking the board.. but on to my point.

My point is this.. God loves us. I know you know that. I have a few tapes from Chruch that have really helped me. One is on lonliness.. if you're feeling lonely at ALL you'd benefit from it. The other is on revenge of all kinds.. and the last is on God's mercy.. and how sometimes we need it as good people more than those worse off than us getting it. I can't do the sermons justice, but if you'd like to hear them.. I'll make you a copy and mail them to you.

Also.. I'm a HUGE fan of CS Lewis. There's a book that I'm buying of his. Mere Christianity is one I read of his that helped me truly believe in God and get my intelligence out of the way..

but the book I think you might be interested in.. not sure because i haven't read it myself.. but i just ordered it off line.. It's called Problem of Pain.

" Why must humanity suffer? In this elegant and thoughtful work, C. S. Lewis questions the pain and suffering that occur everyday and how this contrasts with the notion of a God that is both omnipotent and good. An answer to this critical theological problem is found within these pages." That's the blurb about it on yahoo books. Anyway.. I'm getting it.. I hope it helps me.. and I hope you get it and it helps you.

Let me know if you ever want to talk

Kemma18 on yahoo
and
Margypan on aim

or kemma18@yahoo.com

Good luck, and keep us updated. I'll be praying for you.

Margie

Margie..You are so sweet and Understanding..You poor girl and here I thought that I had it rough.. I guess sometimes we forget about what others might be going through and only think about ourselves.... I guess that is one of our problems is that we get so wrapped up in our problem whether than seeing how big God is and how he can deliver and see what he is capable of doing... I read part of an article that joyce Myers wrote about things that steal our joy and it said that when we desire something more than we desire God, that it consumes us and steals our joy and that is what I had allowed to happen.. I guess one thing that really bothered me is that a friend of mine...she is 2 years younger than me and she has three kids and she went to see her Gyn the ohter day and he told her that if she wanted to have another kid that she needs to do so now because her endometris is getting worse and he is going to need to doa hysterectomy on her..and that she needs to decide which she wants to do..and here she has been wanting another baby and her husband has finally agreed to it and now she like I'm just not for sure.... Well what got me is that I am older than she is and I allowed this stupid fear coem on me that I will have to have one ans not ever have a baby and I just don't understand and it really upset me...but I keep the scripture on my mind..
Rom 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
So I keep thinking about this and thinking that if God gave us his son then he will give me a baby...
I will check out those books that you talked about..I have heard of CS Lewis..I don't hink that I have ever read any of his books though... and I would like a copy of those tapes if you don't mind..I will give you my email address and you can email me and I will send you my address... I am really really sorry about your boufriend cheating on you..I had one who cheated on me but Inever could prove it though..and I hate hearign about your dogs..I have a Yorkie and I jsut don't know what I would do if something happened to him..he is my baby.... and I am sorry about your friend having Lupus..I ask God to heal her/him (can't remember) but I beleive God for their healing... Isaiah 53:5,
1 Peter 2:24... I will beleive with you for that... If you ever need to talk just give me a holler...
Here is my email...alley1@brightok.net or onfire4god73@YAHOO.COM
Good luck with everything and keep your head up high and your eyes on Jesus....

oh yeah I was wanting to tell ya...don't let your past mistakes condemn you..Jesus forgave us..we all become weak and fall i to temptions and Ia m thnkful that Jesus is there with and out streched hand to help us... and know that God is not punish you..Jesus took our punishment and sin for us when he died on the cross for us... God knew what he was doing though when he allowed you to find out what your bf was doing..so that you wouldn't make the mistake of marrying him..just hand in ther GOd will give you someone that will truly love you and cherish you and be faithful to you...and giv eyou a baby with the right guy....
HUGS

Jesi · 09-14-2004, 07:39 PM

Alicro~

It sounds to me like you're doing much better now... but I wanted to share really quick some verses that has helped me.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

These two verses became my two crutches after I found out I had PCOS. I'm 29 and single. Sometimes I wondered if it would have been easier for me, if I found out that I had PCOS because I was TTC instead of "accidentally" finding out. I was angry at God. What I've found out is the promise in Romans 8:28...

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I just wanted to remind you (and myself) that God is in control. No matter what he sends our way, we know that we will never be given more than we can handle.

I went through this a few months ago, if you want to check out the thread that I did then.

Do you ever get mad at God?

May it all be for His Glory!

Jesi~

alicro · 09-15-2004, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jesi
Alicro~

It sounds to me like you're doing much better now... but I wanted to share really quick some verses that has helped me.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

These two verses became my two crutches after I found out I had PCOS. I'm 29 and single. Sometimes I wondered if it would have been easier for me, if I found out that I had PCOS because I was TTC instead of "accidentally" finding out. I was angry at God. What I've found out is the promise in Romans 8:28...

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I just wanted to remind you (and myself) that God is in control. No matter what he sends our way, we know that we will never be given more than we can handle.

I went through this a few months ago, if you want to check out the thread that I did then.

Do you ever get mad at God?

May it all be for His Glory!

Jesi~

Thank you so much for those scriptures...I am writing them down and keeping them as a reminder..I will also check out your thread too...It is hard having PCOS....but if we can't lean on God then who can we lean on.... I am just so thankful for his word..My husband and I watched the Passion of the Christ and he made an awesome statement..He said that.... Jesus is the Word of God and he withstood all that was done unto him and if Jesus being the word then the word of God can take us through anything..and you know that is true..if we will believe God's word and stand on it..it will take us through anything and everything...Here is another good scripture that the Lord gave me...
Rom 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
That is so true too.. I am thankful for God sending you across my faith...Feel free to email me...Here is my email address..
alley1@brightok.net...
God Bless

AmericanWoman · 09-16-2004, 11:54 PM

alicro,.

Sweetheart, I see not just one but 2 babies for you. Boy and girl.

Don't despair, it will happen. Give it time. My gut feeling and I am usually right most of the time.

My friend just had a baby boy at 41 (she was 40 when she concieved) and my other friend is on her 2nd baby at 39.

Hang in there.

I am praying for you to enjoy your life and trust the Lord. Relax. He has your best interests at heart.

Another lady, one at my church, adopted 2 kids from Russia. Sure enough after 9 years of trying, she got pg! She is now bursting at the seams to give birth and her precious kidlets and so excited! They are a joy to be around and make me want to adopt some of my own!

God bless you.

alicro · 09-17-2004, 05:39 PM

Thanks American woman..I'm hanging in there..Your post at first caught me by suprise..lol..I have been praying for twins..a boy and a girl..I have a friend at church who keeps telling me that I am going to have twins...So I thank you for saying what you did..you just confirmed what I have been feeling..again thanks...
I am glad to hear that your friend who adopted was able to get PG and have her own kid....yeah!....I am so excited for her...

April_Bee · 09-25-2004, 07:02 AM

Alicro,

I too have struggled with infertility and a very early pg loss. I am experiencing many of the same emotions that you are feeling. My DH and I are youth leaders for our church, and these problems have hindered our ministry. (I blame us for that---not God) I know what I'm supposed to do/think/feel, but it's hard when you want something so badly. Some of the things that I've learned from these experiences I'd like to share with you.

About unanswered prayers: The scriptures do say that God is able to give us the desires of our heart---according to His will. When Jesus was praying in the garden of Gethsemane, He pleaded with God to take His cup of suffering from Him. I know in my heart that God would have gladly answered this prayer and spared His Son's life, but there was no other way to save man. We need to remember that God always wants what is best for us. That's why He has a perfect plan for each of us. We can't see the big picture, or what will happen in our futures. But God loves us and will never forsake us even when it seems like He isn't listening.

Why do I suffer from infertility? It's not fair, especially when there are so many unfit parents in this world: Again, I go back to Jesus dying on the cross. Was that fair--did He deserve it? No, He was innocent. But we live in a fallen world where nothing is fair.

Anger: God created this emotion, and allows us to express our anger righteously. The Bible is full of stories about righteous anger (like Jesus overturning the moneychangers tables in the temple). We need to ask God to reveal to us the real reason behind our anger (envy, disappointment, guilt, fear, etc), so we can be restored and have peace.

I'm so sorry this is so long. But I just felt led to share these things with you. (((((((hugs)))))))

alicro · 09-25-2004, 02:51 PM

Thank you so much April for caring and sharing...I am just so glad that I am not alone... It is so hard some times...but as I read in Jermiah 29:11 that God has an expected end for me..his plans for me are for good and not evil..I was really having a hard time til I read that scripture..I got were I really didn't want to pray ans ask God for anything because I figured that he was so against me and that I was not even worthy enough to ask him for anythig..crazy huh..a preacher of the word..but we do get discouraged at times and fail to reflect on the Word of God which is our Strength...but anyhow I read that and I realized(duh) that God is for me and not against me..what really helped ther tois my husband preached and he just kept saying that God is for you and not against you...He didn't even know that was how I was feeling... but I got a hold of the word and read it and it really encouraged me..I also got a hold of Matthew &:7-12..where it talks about if your child ask for bread will you give him a stone? and the part that really got me was How Much more will your heavenly Father give you what you ask for? Wow....Romans 8:32..he freely gave us his son..How much more will he freely give us all things?? another wow.... So Ihave to get it through my thick skull that God loves me and that he will give me a child...I know that it is still hard to understand why God allows people to have kids that don't want them..but he did say that to be fruitful and multiply..their bodies are just doing what God created it to do..I guess some are luckier than others..but one thing that I have noticed though..is that with Sara and Rebekkah and Hannah and Elizabeth..everyone of them had Kids in God's timing and they were used for God's purpose and plan..so the way that I see it now that we all will have babies and that it will be in God's timing and for his purpose...
I guess sometimes we act like spoiled brats because we don't get what we want when we want it..but one thing I do know that even though we have to wait for it..we wil appreciate them and enjoy them more than we probaloly would if we could just freely have them...
Again I thank you for your comforting words..May God bless you and give you all the children you want..
In Christ Love Alley

Hopefully_Wishing · 09-25-2004, 02:59 PM

Alicro,

I am so happy I was able to make you feel better. Since I was once in that situation I know how it feels and I love to tell my story so ppl know not to give up. I am also happy to hear that you are feeling better. I will be praying for you and all the other women on this website that are stuggling to have a baby. I felt blessed to know when my friends and family were praying for me and my DH and knowing that gave me faith. I know it helped me so I plan to do the same for others.

Take Care and God Bless!
Amanda

alicro · 09-27-2004, 07:43 PM

Amanda i just want to say thanks again..I am glad to hear that people out there are praying..it does give me and others comfort... I have also been praying for al the ladies..so with all of us being in agreeance in prayer then we know that it is going to happen..
God Bless and many healthy babies to ya...
In Christ Love Alley

w8n2bmomi · 09-27-2004, 08:11 PM

Alicro just think. Your testimony will be one where no one else but GOD will be able to get the glory. The one thing I thought about while reading your post was the the story of Lazarus. You know the story of Lazarus and how Jesus raised him from the dead. But I am reminded of a message Pastor T.D. Jakes preached: "HE loved me enough to be late". GOD could have healed Lazarus while he was sick, but it was a greater miracle to raise him from the dead. Our timing is not GOD's timing, and obviously GOD is using you to bring about a greater miracle, all to HIS glory. I believe that the child or even children that you are going to have are destined for greatness. Just stand strong and trust in GOD. Don't allow the current circimstances to cause you to be weary. Believe me GOD has not forgotten you. I too am trying to conceive and I have to tell myself the same things. Hey we have to encourage one another. And one of these days you are going to look back on this and say look what GOD has done !