Heathercortez' husband, Jonathon

HeatherCortez · 12-30-2003, 11:52 PM

Hello all. I've seen my wife post here several times in the past. I've been curious, so here I am. I didn't want to sign up with my own ID, as I just have one question.

I love my wife very much, but sometimes I feel helpless, like she's out of control. We both agreed for her to go on Metformin which she took for one month. She and I fight a lot now days. I feel I am not ready to have kids, but she continues to beg me for one. She stopped taking the metformin after I told her I didnt' want to have children. I don't know I'm confused. She seems so desperate to have kids, but I feel I'm not ready.

She's only 19 and I'm 20 years old. Do you have any advice for us?

Stacie M · 12-31-2003, 12:50 AM

GET BACK ON THE METFORMIN!!!

Even w/out the fertility factor, metformin can greatly improve her PCOS symptoms. It may make it easier to lose weight, less acne, hair etc. It is NOT only for fertility. There is NO reason to go off of it just because you guys are not going to be TTC.

Tell her to get on here and talk to us about her TTC concerns. She may just feel like she won't have much time...like her chances are limited because of her PCOS. While this is true to some extent, it is important for her to realize that her best bet (and her age is on her side!!!) is to take her metformin and get her health under better control and THEN try to have a baby. Sometimes taking a year or two to give your body a chance to really adjust to the metformin, and trying different therapies if the met. doesn't work well for her, will make a person much happier, less anxious, and less worried about TTC.

You two ARE young (but so am I, at age 23). I don't know your financial situation or your life situation, but right now COULD be a time to get not only her health in better shape, but your entire situation to make raising a child better.

Good luck to both of you!!

StaciieM

deblynnc · 12-31-2003, 01:00 AM

First, I agree with StaciieM about Metformin not being just for fertility. PCOS impacts more than our reproductive organs, and if your wife is having other problems, she needs to think about her overall health.

That being said, I think, whatever age the people are, both partners should want to have a child before they start trying. Yes, with this condition, it can take longer. It took me and my dh 7 years to achieve this pregnancy, and we were quite a bit older than the two of you when we started trying. But, regardless of his/her parents age, a child should have a mom and dad who really want him/her, not one parent who pressured the other into agreeing.

I recommend that the two of you talk about it. Listen, really listen, to her reasons for wanting a baby now, and tell her honestly why you don't feel ready. Maybe you can reach a compromise you can both be happy with. Either way, she does need to take care of her health, and you should encourage her in that.

Good luck to the both of you!
Debbie

shorty1kanobi · 12-31-2003, 01:35 PM

First, thank you for posting your question here.....it shows that you care, and you're trying to understand.

As far as action, metformin is not a fertility drug. yes, some women get pregnant after starting met but that's because it starts to get their cycles regulated. And, it gets their cycles regulated because it helps the body start processing the excess insulin she's likely to be making and can either help or prevent insulin resistance and potential diabetes in the future. Regardless of your decisions regarding children, get her back on the met!

Regarding children. If I were to guess, I'd say its likely that she (like many cysters) has gotten this diagnosis and is really scared about whether she'll be able to have children. Reassure her that you understand her fear and want to support her in not only getting and staying as healthy as she can be, but also preparing for children in the future. Be honest with her, that you don't feel you're ready yet, but that there are hundreds of women on this very website who can tell her that it CAN happen, and it doesn't need to happen right now.

When I got my dx, I was scared to death. Hubby and I are trying now, but first we asked ourselves and each other these questions:

Are we ready for the responsibility of children? (physically, financially, mentally, etc)

If we were not worried about fertility problems, would we still be wanting to try for children NOW?

Are we stable in our marriage, having spent enough time together JUST THE 2 OF US before adding children to the mix? Children, esp in their first year, add stress and a whole new dynamic to marriage.

Having children is a big decision and one that should be made in love, not fear. Either of you is welcome to PM me at any time with questions or concerns and I'm glad to help.

It honestly sounds like she's just very scared. The met can help get mood swings under control too. This whole thing (diagnosis, the possibilities, etc) is very scary for us, and what we need most is people in our lives who support us, recognize this is a medical condition, and stand by us through the scary times.

Please tell her for me that getting and staying on met will help get her cycles regulated and can have her feeling better than she knew she could. As young as she is, she's got such an advantage, and they're making progress all the time. Her time is not up yet, and if she gets her body regulated, she'll likely find it much easier to conceive later, when you're both ready.

God bless you both, I'll pray for guidance that you can make the right decision for both of you together.

snowbunny · 12-31-2003, 02:27 PM

She's probably concerned about her fertility (i.e. If I don't have a baby now, PCOS might get way out of control and I might NEVER be able to have one).

It's very important that you urge her toward getting treatment for PCOS whichever way works for her . . . met, low-carb, supplements, exercise . . . whatever. Urge her (but don't nag or force her) to take control of her health, you can help her with this. Let her know you're there to support her through PCOS, and that when she's healthy etc the two of you can discuss children. Explain that you don't think your ready yet, but you might be later - so the two of you can work together on getting her healthy and ready to conceive before trying to conceive.

Most importantly, you both need to WANT to have children and to BE READY to have children before even trying for them.

TxHubby · 01-05-2004, 11:24 AM

I agree with what everyone else has said...from a man's point of view...I can tell you that you BOTH need to be ready to have a baby, before you decide to try to get pregnant. It is a big responsibility, and not one that should be entered into lightly. The last thing that either of you would want is for her to get pregnant & have the baby, and you to be resentful towards her (or the baby) because you weren't ready to have one yet. That would be a bad situation for both of you & especially the baby. I would say the best thing you can do is to sit down & talk to each other...and listen to each other's point of view & try to understand what the other person is feeling & why you both feel the way you do about having a baby right now. It's important for you both to be ready & to be in agreement before you decide to try to get pregnant.
Good Luck & let us know what happens !!

SoulHubby · 01-07-2004, 09:51 PM

Everyone has said what I would say. Metformin can be key to helping many other problems, as I'm sure you know. Having children is a decision that both parties need to go into with full acceptance and willingness.

Let us know how things are going, give us an update when you can.

-=\Eric/=-

HeatherCortez · 01-15-2004, 09:56 PM

hey there. so far nothing has changed. We are still disgussing the matter...let's see what happens.

Rhoadie · 01-21-2004, 10:21 AM

Kind of a late entry here.
Just my opinion, (not trying to upset anyone here)
Both of you are both under 21. I think you should be able to get to a bar legally before you have children. I am 33. When I was 20, I had no idea of who I was, no real job skills, no education (other than high school) and not real mature. I knew I was not ready for children. I knew I wanted a wife, a job, and a house before I have children and needed to grow up. Now that I am 33, I am not the same person I was 13 years ago. I am now married, and love being married to DW, have a good job and a house. We do not fight very often. I am careful to try and pick my battles judiciously.

To have children, you need to have a few things first. I think you need a job that has some stability, and spend a few years together as a couple. When a child comes along, the child comes first. You will not have time for each other like you have now. The biggest problems I have seen with children, is the husband (in many cases, but not all) becomes jealous of the child, because the mother spend a great deal of energy and attention on the child and not on him. (I think this would be true for me) The other big problem that couples fight about is money. Raising children is expensive. Without financial stability, fights are going to crop up (I do not know what kind of jobs you all have). If either on of you want to college, do it now.

The rest of the gang here is correct, get the PCOS under control and both of you need to be in agreement of having children. If both of you are not in agreement, you are going to have problems.

Again just my thoughts