MOST PEOPLE I TALK TO ABOUT REBECCA SAY'S THERE IS NO NEED TO BE TALKING ABOUT IT NOW, I SHOULD BE OVER HER LOSS, AND THEY SAY IF NOT I SHOULD GO ON AN ANTIDEPRESENT- I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY CAUSE I BELIEVE YOU NEED TO GRIEVE, BUT i AM WRONG ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS, SO WAS WONDERING HOW MANY OF YOU TOOK ANTIDEPRESNETS AFTER YOU LOST YOUR CHILD....THANK YOU TRICIA
When i had my miscarriage(12weeks 3 days) I was also very depressed and grieving.My doctor did say if i needed a antidepressant that it was available to me but i chose not too.It is ok to talk about your little Rebecca as long as u need too.
__________________ Shannon Schmidt
Preston Mark arrived April 13th!!! 5 Lbs. 3 ounces 19 inches long.
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I called my doctor the day after I got home from the hospital, asking for a prescription. He asked me to try and make it through the next week without it and then see how I felt. Once again, he was right. I NEEDED to grieve and still do. I NEED to talk about Daniel. It's VERY normal. I didn't need the prescription afterall, I just needed time.
This isn't to say that YOU don't need an anti-depressant. Maybe you do. But don't ever feel guilty for your feelings. You're ALLOWED to feel whatever way you want to feel!
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Get involved in animal rescue. You won't be sorry. Your heart may break, there may be times when your eyes are red-rimmed for days. You may lose faith in the goodness of people, but your spirit will be renewed by the resilience of those you save. It isn't easy, but it's worth it. I promise you, you will be forever changed.
I was on vacation visiting my aunt and uncle. I sat on the porch talking to my aunt about her daughter, Katrina, that she lost to IC about 15 years ago. I asked her if she felt comfortable talking about her. She's said yes, but that she still wasn't over the loss. I don't think you are ever over the loss of a child. I don't think you should completely "get over" the loss of someone you love. You do feel better over time, though.
I FEEL FINE, ITS I GUESS THE PEOPLE I CHOOSE TO TALK TO AND IF I GET TEARY EYED, THATS THE FIRST THING THEY SAY DON'T CRY OR i AM NOT LISTENING I DON'T WANT YOU TO CRY OR YOU DON'T NEED TO CRY, AND I FEEL ITS NATURAL TO CRY, I FEEL ITS THE THING YOU SHOULD DO IS CRY AND GRIEVE, IT FEELS GOOD TO DO THAT, I AM A CRYER ANY WAY, IT FEELS GOOD TO LET MY EMMONTIONS SHOW...I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I FELT RIGHT I AM JOINING A SUPPORT GROUP TO HELP ME FEEL BETTER AND BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS SO THAT I KNOW WHEN I TALK ABOUT IT IT WILL BE RIGHT AND I KNOW PEOPLE WILL WANT TO LISTEN.......THANK YOU ALL TRICIA
Tricia, the next time somebody tells you not to cry, or to forget about your daughter, please tell them to f--- off. If Rebecca had been two when she died, would they expect you to "get over it?" Of course not. I REALLY wish our society would give unborn children the respect and consideration they deserve (not talking about abortion here, but about unborn, WANTED children. Please don't debate).
If you were to NOT talk about Rebecca, I think denying her existence would add to your guilt load. Which is the last thing you need right now. I really, really wish I could slap these inconsiderate idiots for you. Do NOT deny your baby girl - she deserves to be remembered and talked about for as long as you want!
Viv I Will Talk About Her Forever- She Will Never Be Forgotten......and I Can't Believe People Think You Should Forget.....and They Don't Understand Infertility - They Say It Will Happen Again, No You Don't Know That For Sure It Took Me 2 Years To Get There......
Tricia~*hugs* OMG some ppl can be JERKS! I am so sorry you have every right to talk about her.. It's just simply because they have no idea what to say & by not having any idea what to say they get uncomfortable & say the most idiotic stupid things! That is no exscuse they should just shut their mouths!
I think it's wonderfull that your talking about her, She exists! She is a tiny lil person who is a part of you forevor & she deserves that acknowledgment!
As for the it will happen again. That was one thing i hated too "don't worry it will happen again" like you can just replace or get over it by that, simply put NO one can understand or say/do the right thing unless they've been thru it & even then I've lost 4 lil angels & i still have no idea what to say sometimes!
I don't know this has gotten very long winded hun but basically there is no shame in needing anti dep or medication if you need it.
I truly believe that the general public is truly misguided in how they "try to help" those of us who have had losses. It really frustrates me that they don't know better. I really believe that the public should somehow be taught, and I have no idea how exactly, to really help us through our grief. I don't expect people to be perfect, but most people really handle these situations pretty poorly.
It has been 3 years since we lost Kenny and Katie, and very few people bring up our son and daughter, and it really bothers me a lot. They think that they are helping by not bringing up our pain, but they are so misguided. Oh, if they only knew how it would bring a smile to my face, by just the mere mention of their names. Over the years, I have gently mentioned to my close friends and family how things "really are" and they are slowly learning.
Cry when you need to cry, it does help you to heal. I have discovered who I am and who I am not comfortable being emotional in front of. Do not let people, who have never experienced such a terrible loss, tell you how and what you should be doing. They have no idea what they are talking about.
As for the anti-depressants, well I didn't take any until after 8 months after we lost Kenny and Katie. My husband was my pillar of strength for as long as he could be and then one day he went into a deep depression and I realized that I was leaning on him a little too much and our grief counselor suggested taking Zoloft to help give us a little "boost." We were only on them for a few months. They really did help a lot. I do agree with you that the anti-depressants aren't going to "fix" your heartache. But perhaps they will help just a little.
Praying for you all!
__________________ Heidi (35)
DH (37)
dd-Konnie-10/04/04
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ds-Kaden & ds-Kory born at 25 weeks 3 days, 2 lbs 3 oz & 2 lbs, respectively
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4 angels in Heaven
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Tricia, I thought about going back on Paxil after both my losses last year. DH even suggested contacting my old therapist for some sessions. For some reason, I managed to grieve in my own way by surrounding myself with people who allowed me to talk about my losses and to cry openly to them and with them. I cut off people who were jerks to me including friends whom I've known a long time. I also stopped communicating with my father-in-law (he was the biggest a**hole to me!).
If you feel the need to get on meds, go right ahead, there's no shame in getting some help to get you through such a devastating ordeal. Stick to people who love and care for you. Feel free to speak up when people say inappropriate things -- they just have no idea and they probably never will, unless they go through the same thing you're going through. Go right ahead and talk about Rebecca all you want. You're her mommy. ((Hugs))
__________________ enits
Noelle - my little baby, was only with us for 17 weeks and 5 days, February 7, 2005
2nd loss - my little angel, could only stay with us for a little while, 8 weeks, August 3, 2005
Hoping to remain positive, always...
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I think that whoever it is that is saying that you should stop talking about her or move on, you should just stop talking to them and they must have no idea what it is like to have a m/c or a loss of someone you love. I say talk about her and show your emotions anytime you think of her. You will love her forever and she will never be forgotten because you loved her and only you know how you feel and if you think that you need some meds to get you through this that it is perfectly normal. It is a hard thing to go through. Going to a support group or talking with people that understand or being around positive people will help you. It is very hard loosing someone you love and it hurts, it takes time. Take time for yourself and be around people that understand and that are willing to listen and be positive. We are all here for you and alot of us understand. Me and my husband tried for a few years with no luck and when I found out finally I got pregnant we were so excited, celebrated with a nice dinner told friends and family, after a few days almost a week, I started to bleed light and then within hours of that it would not stop and was very red, I had a m/c. It is very painful and alot of people do not understand what PCOS is and how hard it is to get pregnant again. But I finally did I have 2 boys now. I wish you the best and take time to heal and do it the way you want to, do not listen to no one else you only know what you are feeling and dealing with. May God Bless you and watch over you always! ((((HUGS))))
I never even answered your question, I got so fired up!
I didn't take antidepressants after losing Rivi, and I ended up suicidal. A week after the scariest point of THAT, I found a therapist, and she really helped me work through the worst of my grief. I think antidepressants would have helped me a LOT, if I'd just thought to get them.
so enits after your loss's you got pregnant real quick i wonder how long i should wait.....not yet havent had af, lol
You should try again as soon as you're physically and emotionally ready. After my first loss, we waited 4 cycles. During the "waiting time," we went through RPL testing. After the 2nd loss, my doctor wanted me to wait one cycle. DH and I ended up waiting 2 cycles. I went throough a horrible period of sadness after the 2nd loss, which was incredibly greater than the first. It was probably because of the double whammy. Who knows. I'm just glad that I was able to live through it and see the "bright side" again.
By the way, I was on BCPs on all those cycles because I hardly ever get AF. Yup, it's that bad -- I could go for 6 months without that witch!
__________________ enits
Noelle - my little baby, was only with us for 17 weeks and 5 days, February 7, 2005
2nd loss - my little angel, could only stay with us for a little while, 8 weeks, August 3, 2005
Hoping to remain positive, always...
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yeah i went almost 5 months with out her last year then went on met 2 days later af visited and 3 months later got pg with rebecca, but i will do it again what i will do different is a new doctor.......
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