Help me find the church that is right for our family

BethK · 05-31-2008, 02:06 PM

For many different reasons I have not been involved with a church for years...since before DH & I were married. However, I'd like to start going to church as a family, but I'm so unsure which church/religion would be a match for us and our values.

I do not want this to turn into a debate on values or morals, but I need to provide some background on us that will need to be taken into consideration if any of you choose to respond. So - DH and I are both fairly liberal and want to teach our children to be open and accepting to different people, lifestyles, religions and cultures. That being said I know that the Unitarian Church is the best match for us & our beliefs, however we do not have one in our area. There is a congregation, but no church and it is not organized well enough for us to be able to attend with 3 small children. So, I guess we're looking for the next best thing right now...what would be the closest fit for us.

I was raised Catholic & my family attended a very open-minded Catholic church. I would have no problem returning to a Catholic church that was similar. However my concern is that I'd like my kids to be able to participate and be active in church without the requirement of being baptized or going thru first communion, confirmation, etc. I feel that it is my job as a parent to introduce my kids to religion and good morals, but want them to be able to make their own choices when it comes to their religion.

So, if you've stuck with me so far I guess we're looking for a church that is fairly open-minded and one that also does not have communion or require the kids to be baptized. Make sense? Any suggestions?

JessicaE · 05-31-2008, 02:16 PM

A United Church of Christ church might be a good fit!

It was the first denomination to ordain a black pastor, the first to ordain a gay minister, among the first to ordain women, etc. They tend to be incredibly open and accepting. If you remember a few years back the controversial TV commercials with the bouncer at the church door throwing out the families that "didn't belong" (poor, gay, african american) and only allowing in the WASPS -- that was UCC's message that EVERYONE is welcome in our church.

I am also a good fit for the unitarian church philosophically, however the services tend to feel like college lectures to me. Coming from a Catholic background, I do have a love and appreciation for the ritual of spirituality. UCC has been a nice mix for us of all the things we value and want in a church.

PrincessVictoria · 05-31-2008, 02:19 PM

I would think that most Protestant churches don't require those things. Your best bet really is to test out your local churches by actually attending a service (or at least part of one) sans kids. Each church seems to be SO different even when they're the same Denomination.

I ended up finding a Non-Denominational church that I really love, though I don't attend as often as I should since I've moved and now it's 40 miles away. I need to get on the ball and find a new, closer, church, but it's a hard thing to do.

sazzifrazz · 05-31-2008, 03:04 PM

episcopal!!! i was raised catholic, dh was raised american baptist. we found the episcopal to have the best of both. its very liberal (female priests), open, welcoming, usually small, but have the protestant style as far as having a vestry and sunday school. i wanted to get away from the catholic church, it was way too old fashioned and closed minded for me. ours is very family oriented and does lots of community outreach as well as fun get togethers. they have football parties, complete with beer. i love it! i like that its organized, and has a routine as far as the service goes. ask away if you have any questions.

oops, i just read you didn't want communion. our church has weekly communion, some its just monthly. as long as you hve been baptized in any church you can get communion. anyone can go up, you kneel aong a "fence" in front of the alter and you either get communion, or a blessing if you choose. people bring babies and they just get a blessing.

IFBPreachersWife · 05-31-2008, 06:26 PM

I would definitely think that you need to go check the churches out because even if the church is 'labeled' in a way that you think you'd like, it really doesn't mean anything. We are independent Baptist which used to mean a lot but now a lot of IB churches are what used to be called charasmatic. So, you just can't go by the denominational name any more. I was actually thinking any type of non-denominational "worship center" or "community church" would probably fit what you're looking for

BethK · 05-31-2008, 09:48 PM

I've thought of non-denominational churches, but it's so hard to tell what they'll be like here. We're in NC and it's close enough to the South to have a lot of weird churches, most that are ultra conservative. Definitely not us!!

canadianmutation · 05-31-2008, 10:26 PM

You could also ask the gals on Faith and Healing thread...

MikesHAPPYwife · 05-31-2008, 11:45 PM

if your not sure about visiting them you can always call the church during the week and speak with the pastor or secretary about the belief system of the church.

I go to a church that doesnt have a denomination in the name and people have called before to see. I know when i left home for college and was trying to find a church I hated visiting around, because you never know what your gonna walk in on. Even churches in the same denomination can be completely different.

mj_romo · 06-01-2008, 01:26 AM

DH and I had a similar problem. We were both raised Catholic, then both left our practice for years. When we got married, we were twice-a-year Catholics (some years). It wasn't until we had Sam that we saw the value in practicing a religion as a way to spend time as a family and to help instill some values/morals.

But, we also had a problem with finding the right church. There were 3 Catholic churches in our area, and we went to each and sat through a couple of services for each, talked to other parishoners, etc. Then, we met with the monsignors of each church to talk about our concerns.

I have a pretty strong background in religious history; it was a significant part of my M.A. degree, but I had no idea how different the philosophies of the different orders could be. Most Catholic churches are Franciscan or Jesuit or Capuchin; they tend to have "stricter" belief systems. We found that the church we liked the best was run by Discalced Carmelites; they even have a monastery for nuns and priests right in the area. The priests at that church had the most open-minded, accepting attitude and willingness to work with our beliefs.

I would suggest taking the same approach we did - go to the services, then talk to the ministers and see what you discover. We were pleasantly surprised (after our strict Catholic upbringings) to find a lighter side out there.

Danusmom · 06-01-2008, 05:09 PM

"mj_romo" makes an excellent point. I've always found it odd how those raised in the catholic faith often are turned off by the practice as they reach adulthood & are more drawn to the more liberal religious practices.

Anyway, before I read the last post I found this article I thought may interest you: http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dl...NG09/805310453 This church reminds me of Willow Creek in Illinois --my SIL & BIL belong to Willow Creek.

kdmichelle · 06-01-2008, 11:14 PM

I ditto the PP that suggested Episcopal. I am catholic and attend mass weekly but my mom always tells me I should start going to episcopal services. She calls them "catholic light".

Fleegle4 · 06-02-2008, 05:54 AM

Another ditto on Episcopalian. There is some variation between different churches, so you may want to try a few, but it's a very good fit for people raised Catholic -- my church is full of us former Catholics. The service is quite reminiscent of Catholic services from when I'm a child, so it will seem familiar, but they don't get bent out of shape about the "rules" and "requirements". So, you can get your children baptized if you choose, there's no formal "first communion", so you and your children can participate if you want (our church doesn't require baptism for communion; the one across town does, but it's not like they check :-)) They are very accepting of human foibles -- and one thing I like about it is that they are accepting of all people, and they just don't make a big deal about certain issues. For example, the choir director in the Episcopalian church was gay, and used to turn up with his partner, and no one made mention. There were also single mothers by choice, unmarried couples with children, and a household with children and two daddies. However, all of these people were people who did not make a big deal of their situation -- I'm not sure if you were very strident about your circumstances -- for example, you made being gay a very vocal and political statement rather than just something you were (does that make sense?), that you wouldn't get a few weird looks. And then they'd offer you coffee and a cookie or a gin and tonic.

When I was shopping for churches, I figured I'd try the Catholic church first -- give the church of my childhood first dibs, so to speak. I went to three different ones, and they all seemed very driven by rules (the service leaflet was just a big list reminding you that if you didn't fit all the criteria, don't you DARE try to come up for communion), didn't have any kind of weekly community activity, and had switched to the new, modern hymns (which I personally can't stand). No one seemed to notice or care that I had shown up, and I realized I could have continued to attend for a year and no one would notice. One reason I was joining was for the community for my family, so it wasn't a good fit.

The modern Episcopal church has focused more on good works than making sure their individual members fit a certain profile. Of course, as a Christian church, they do preach the message of the gospel and other Christian tenets, but I found it a good fit for a former Catholic who was no longer feeling content in the Catholic church.

Ajani · 06-02-2008, 09:09 AM

Pretty much (almost) any denomination or church can have a liberal branch anymore. Not all, but many. Do your research and you'll probably find a church in your area that preaches a wide variety of beliefs and such.

Jashobeam · 06-02-2008, 12:33 PM

NC isn't just close to the South, it is in the South!

Here in NC you might want to look at the Wesleyan church. What part of NC are you in?

BethK · 06-02-2008, 11:52 PM

We're in the armpit of NC...Fayetteville.