Hi! I am new to the board, but I wanted to get any man's advice on here about what my DH may be going through. I was diagnosed with PCOS in August and we are not TTC currently, but will within the next year. My DH seems to be in denial that this may interfere with us getting pregnant, or at least make it more difficult. When your SO told you about PCOS, what did you guys go through? How did you feel? What questions did you have?
It's very frustrating to me b/c it comes across to me that my DH is blowing it off, when deep down, I know that he is just being optimistic and doesn't see a need to worry when we don't know for sure. I get that, but at the same time, knowing how much having children means to me, makes me think that this would be reason enough to show some concern.
Maybe I'm not giving him enough credit. He has listen to me obsess over PCOS, TTC, etc for the past 3 months without saying that I'm getting on his nerves. That, I will give to him! And let me tell you, I have been obsessing! =) It's hard not to when out of nowhere your clock starts ticking louder than it ever has before or ever thought it would at my age!
Anyway, I would appreciate a man's perspective of dealing with their SO's PCOS.
Thanks,
Andrea
__________________ Me: 28, DH: 29
Dx: 8/2007
Thin Cyster--5'5", 124 lbs
TTC: June 2008
Meds:
Metformin ER 1000mg
2 Fur Babies--Tucker and Claire (Yorkie/Bichon mix puppies)
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dont know if i can help much, my AWW (awesome wonderful wife) LOL says im kind of odd in how i handle things. as i stated in another post in here... things are the way they are and no amount of fretting over anything will help. we are somewhat TTC but fall short of any heroic measures. im sure everyone is different but me personally im an extremely pragmatic person in my thinking. i dont know if nik will obsess over this or not, i can say with me that she doesn't. if it comes up as a relevant part of a conversation then okay fine... but its not something we discuss frequently as its impact on our lives and relationship is quite insignificant. i have a moustache and full beard, the sky is blue, she has PCOS... so be it.
there are times i can tell it gets her down. i dont allow those moments to last long. i have this uncanny ability to act like five year old in such a way as to make even the most puritanical prude bust out laughing. the kid issue gets to her sometimes too and i feel like a broken record sometimes reassuring her that i genuinely dont care. she doesnt need to have a child to make our lives complete. we have each other and thats more than enough. if indeed we were to be blessed with such then hey... awesome,,, but if not... oh well.
focus on today beacuse thats all that matters. you have no guarantee that tomorrow will even come so why waste the effort on fussing on the hypothetical and that upon which you have no control.
think of the serenity prayer, i know its become cliche' but it helps.
and if you must replace the God with whatever you choose, be it a tree, a frog, the little garden gnome statue in your flower beds outside... no matter...
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things that i can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Last edited by nikbeehubby; 10-27-2007 at 12:34 AM.
Reason: typo
I know that you wanted a man's perspective but I just wanted to give you a perspective from a woman who has been married for 10+ years and give you a little more insight on men. Now, my DH and I never never had to TTC, it kind of just happened. We were never concerned about getting pg and the first time I got pg, I was on bcp and needed it to help establish regular AF's. Because of that, 9 months after being on the pill, I became pg with DD#1. DD's #2 & #3 soon followed with no medical intervention needed, no bcp nothing. I knew nothing at that time about TTC or PCOS. I was just diagnosed with PCOS this past February.
From what I have observed with women who are TTC is this, they freak out or get anxious if it doesn't happen right away. These things take time and if you let it consume you, it never will happen. I have a friend that was TTC for about 3 yrs and was totally consumed by it. Their sex life was suffering because it came down to only having sex when she was ovulating. It became work. She called me one night crying and I explained to her that it sounds as if she and her DH were losing their connection to one another. Also told her that she may have to stop only having sex for TTC, reminded her that sex is also fun and if you lose the fun in sex, what's the point for having it. To make a long story short, I got a call about 3 months later from her stating that she took my advice and that they finally got the BFP!! Now she has a beautiful baby boy!
Just remember that TTC may or may not work for you and to have fun. If your pour everything you have into TTC, you can lose sight of yourself and your DH. Take everything one day at a time and remember why you are with your DH. Good luck and enjoy life no matter what happens.
__________________ Georgette(32)
Diagnosed 2/07 Mom of Caitlyn(9) Tristan(7) and Heather(6)
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Hi AH,
Jen (DW)'s PCOS diagnosis was revelatory for her and for me. Finally, she could take the right meds and follow the right diet. it was helpful to understand why she could or could not lose weight on different diets. And how to go about TTC.
Your hubby may be a "we are trying our best, now let's relax and see the results" kind of guy. Just because he doesn't obsess over it or have long meaningful conversations about it doesn't mean it is any less important to him - maybe he is just a guy
Hi there,
I have to say (as Knight's SO) that what he described is exactly what we're going through. I do know that men will react differently, and take all the PCOS/INF information in, and digest it in his own way. I know my DH is listening, and benefits from any new information I can show him. I encouraged him to read the TCOYF book and also to visit my RE with me to ask questions and feel that he is a part of things.
TTC is hard on any strong couple. I hope this advice helps. I guess the short answer is that just because he doesn't react the same way you do, doesn't mean he "doesn't care".
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Thanks for the info! I do have the TCOYF book, but haven't had a chance to really take a look at it yet. I have to say since I've written the post, he has shown signs of wanting to know a little more, and have been very patient with me! He is planning on going to my next dr. appt with me, but that's not until July. I think it will be good for him to hear what the doc has to say and may trigger any questions that he may have. Plus, that will be around the time that we are starting to TTC, so it might be a little more "real" to him at that point. Until then, I'm trying to follow his advice (and I think I've been doing well!) and not worry about it. I'm working on learning what's best for me (diet, etc) and trying to get a routine going. Hopefully that will help us out when we do start TTC.
Anyway, thanks for the support and insight!
__________________ Me: 28, DH: 29
Dx: 8/2007
Thin Cyster--5'5", 124 lbs
TTC: June 2008
Meds:
Metformin ER 1000mg
2 Fur Babies--Tucker and Claire (Yorkie/Bichon mix puppies)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
the best thing i can suggest is for him to read this site. just let him know that some of the threads here can lean more towards man bashing then actual helping and he just needs to over look them. i have been absent from this site for a while bc i just plain got sick of it. i am a very laid back kind of guy and i know it drives my dw crazy. if he does join this site have him read some of the older posts, if you go back two months i had a post called "romance and intimacy tips from an idiot savant" that seems to have helps some people and i need to respond to some posts there so it should be popping back up on the page. if nothing else ask him what he wants to know, we're guys and as un macho (and maybe sexist even though i don't mean it to be) as it sounds this is something that we know is wrong and is hurting you and we don't know how to fix. this scares most guys, that and i've gone to the ob w/ my dw, and some of the stuff in that office looks like it came out of one of my sci-fi movies
best of luck
jt
__________________ doing what i can to be a supportive husband
I definately know how you feel. DBF tends to pretend like he knows everything about everything..so when i told him that i have PCOS and that our attempts at TTC haven't come true because of it and that it would be hard to ttc in the future he told me "well you havent had it that long so you probably aren't infertile yet" lol..i informed him that since i haven't had my period since august that kind of means i'm not fertile..anyways...he showed little interest over it, even said i was overexaggerating it...but i started reading more and learning more about it..and as i did a lot of work toward finding out about it, i started telling him little tidbits about it, and he started learning, without really knowing it. Now, I've convinced him to read TCOYF and research online to help me out. It just took time, but he finally came around.
__________________ Peggy
21 and single
2 fur babies, Minnie and Tiger
Joined WW January 13, 2009. As of April 6, 2009, I've lost 40.8 pounds and loving it!
Help me understand..... 
