I'm 19 years old and diagnosed with PCOS a little over a year ago. I had symptoms for a long time but my doctors were so preoccupied with my weight they ignored all my other symptoms and continually got on me about my diet and exercise even though I told them I was dieting and exercising. When I was finally diagnosed I thought I'd feel relieved, and that everything would start to go uphill from that moment. The opposite has happened, ever since I was diagnosed I've watched things slide out of control.
Other things have been piling up as well, the death of my uncle and then the death of my friend and the stress of college have been difficult to deal with. This past year I had two roommates who made fun of me while I was in the room (mostly about my weight) and I started the bad habit of barely eating anything at all. I went to go see a counselor about it and she had me write down everything I was eating, and I found myself writing down something even if I hadn't eaten anything just so that I wouldn't get in trouble. She suggested I go talk to an eating disorder support group, but I just never went.
I feel like I'm this great person stuck inside the body of some poor sick woman who can't do any of the things she wants to do. I'm 19 and I've been on a diet for, literally, as long as I can remember. My friends get together and eat junk food and watch movies and when asked if I want anything I say no. I don't feel like a teenager when I have to do this, I should be at an age where I can enjoy myself and have fun and go out and get ice cream with my friends and because of all these restrictions it's just not possible.
I've had a bad record with things like deaths of those close to me and friendships, because of this I've become closed off and antisocial. I fear that if I open up and let someone in they'll just leave and I'll be alone again. So I go through periods of time where I do what I call 'running', I'll cut off ties with friends, start fights with them, all of this so I can cut them out of my life before they decide they no longer want me in theirs. I did this last night, I got scared that my best guy friend didn't want to spend time with me so I closed myself off and started an argument with him. When I realized what I was doing and how horrible it was I tried to ask him to forgive me and explain what was happening but he said he'd have to think about it.
Now here I am writing this, crying my eyes out because I don't know what to do anymore. It's like I'm slowly watching my life fall apart and I can't do anything about it. I've been crying myself to sleep for the past month or so, it feels like I'm never going to stop feeling this way. Before I thought I'd be able to pull through anything, but now I'm afraid I lost the one person who I really care about and who supports me through everything and I don't know if I can do any of this without him.
Ugh I cannot imagine getting made fun of in college...how immature! Plus, you look totally cute! What is their problem?! That just infuriates me!
I'm very sorry about your uncle and your friend, it must be very difficult. Also I know what it's like to push people away as a defense mechanism. I used to do that to my friends...start arguments etc...when I thought they didn't want to hang out with me. I just felt rejected. Most of the time though, it was all in my head! They weren't really rejecting me...I just perceived that they were because I was depressed and had low self-esteem.
If I were you I'd either go back to your old counselor or find a new one. Don't feel like you have to stick with the old one if you feel like he/she wasn't helpful. Also, have you ever taken antidepressants? Maybe if you see a counselor you can discuss that also. I cannot tell you how much they've helped me!
Just remember...I know it probably feels like things are never going to get better but it's definitely possible.
Also, If you don't mind me asking - where do you go to school in NJ? I'm right below you in DE!
__________________ Age: 24
Dx 2 Phylloids Tumors Left Breast - Surgical Biopsy May 2006 and November 2007
Dx PCOS Fall 2006
Current Meds: Effexor 75mg
I'm on bcps and metformin and that's it. I'm on nothing for depression or anxiety. I talked about it a while ago with my doctor, but I just never brought it up again.
I do think I'll go back and see my counselor at school because she was great and I had a really easy time talking to her (which because I'm shy, sometimes I have a really hard time opening up to anyone). I may see my doctor here and talk to her about anti-depressants. I'm a little paranoid about it though because I'm afraid I'll gain weight if I go on anti-depressants because when I brought it up to my mother (I have a lot of issues with what she said but regardless it's what she feels) she told me that I'd probably gain weight if I went on anti-depressants so I might want to think twice about it.
Being made fun of ruined my semester. I couldn't function properly, I was so upset all the time.
I live in NJ but I go to college in Florida. =) I love the school.
No, I haven't lost weight on metformin. I've stabilized my weight, I haven't continually gained weight for no reason, but it seems like it's impossible for me to lose weight.
Awww boo! I wish I went to school in Florida right now...its FREEZING!
As far as gaining weight on antidepressants is concerned...I've heard of it happening but personally I've never gained weight on them. I still think it'd be worth a try.
Edit - anyone who makes fun of anyone in college doesn't belong there. Seriously, GROW UP!
__________________ Age: 24
Dx 2 Phylloids Tumors Left Breast - Surgical Biopsy May 2006 and November 2007
Dx PCOS Fall 2006
Current Meds: Effexor 75mg
I understand what you are going through... I was there... *GASP* 10 years ago. Dang... time flies.
I let things get me down a lot... until I took on the attitude that I would work on myself first then worry about everyone else. I started devoting time to hobbies and other things so that when friends were busy with other things or when something bad happened I had something to do by myself.
It's also okay to cry... we're girls we NEED to cry. That emotional outlet helps us get back on track and feel better.
At the same time... if you're crying to much ask your doctor about meds... they can work wonders!!
Help. Please. 
