I don't know what is wrong with me. My depression is slowly creeping back up on me. I have fought depression for the past 11 years. I lost my brother when I was 17. And every since then I have had nothing but depression and anxiety. I get better and I feel great about my life and everything, then guess what????? The depression slowly creeps back into my life. I guess I feel like a failure, I can't give DH a child. I can't work, because everytime I get a job I freak out. I can't handle anything. DH understands and doesn't pressure me to work. I am the glue that holds my family together. I just can not be strong anymore. I can't. My best friend gave up on me 2 yrs ago, and she cut ties with me. I don't want to live anymore, but I don't want to die either. I just don't know about anything anymore.
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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Please go see a doctor, it sounds like you could really benifit from some meds for depression/anxiety.
I TOTALLY get what you mean about not wanting to live, but not wanting to die! Thats how I felt just a little over a month ago.
I am taking 20mgs of celexa and so far so good for depression and anxiety! I also carry ativan with me incase I have panic attacks, but havent had to use them since switching to celexa.
For some of us dealing with depression is just the way it is, we just have to be sure we handle it the best we can to have the best quality of life possible!
Best of luck! Please keep us posted.
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
Thanks PinK, the sad thing is that I take Zoloft,,, it helps with the anxiety,, we don't have insurance so going to the DR would be very costly. I know I need it. DH is eligible for insurance soon, but it would cost us over $400.00 a month for both of us. He works for a security company and they cover most of the employee's cost of insurance, but if you add your spouse on the policy they charge you full price, and they won't cover any cost. I just don't know how much more I can take. I feel so nasty,, meaning the excess hair, the excess weight. It just keep getting worse,, and I want a baby so bad. I know I am not the only one in the world who has PCOS,, but when no one else around you has it then you do feel that way. Thank you for responding. I am not whining ,, I am just so lost right now. ((((HUGS))))
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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Well,, I have been sleeping all the time now,, guess its better than being up and being depressed. Just wanted to let you know Tickled Pink. You were the only one who responded. ((((HUGS)))) If you ever need anything let me know.
Carey
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I completely understand--I'm dealing with depression myself right now. It's really, really hard. I find that it helps to talk to people who have dealt with the same problem.
I've lost ties with a best friend, too-- right around the time I was diagnosed. Hang in there, the human spirit in all of us endures.
Thank you,,, I am trying so hard to deal with this on my own,, Like I always have. I just feel so lost. I tried to kill myself right before I met DH,, and I was a complete mess. The feelings are back. I just don't know. I just hate myself, you know I won't even look at myself in the mirror,, I hate what I look like. I don't fix my hair anymore or wear makeup,, I use to be the kind of person that would always fix myself up to go anywhere. Now I just don't care.
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
Carey are there any of those free help lines you can call in your area?
I have no idea how things work in the states.
(((((hugs)))))
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
When I got out of school and didn't have any insurance (still don't) my therapist had a sliding scale and let me pay what I could afford to pay. Try to find a doctor/therapist who will let you pay what you can afford to pay. It was a great relief not to have to worry about paying her on top of my depression. Also, look into state/publicly funded clinics that may provide help at low costs. Don't give up on yourself. You deserve to get the help you need.
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Finally diagnosed-4/2002
PCOS & IR
Spironolactone
Ortho Tri-Cyclen
Metformin
Not really sure if there is free help lines around here or not PInk. I know that I do need help, but I think that I am afraid of the feelings and memories that will come out. When I lost my brother I lost me. I hope that makes sense. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS, gained alot of weight and I feel like Chebawcca. I hate myself. I am not sure if I can have a child. EMPTY,, thats about sums it up O feel so empty. Don't worry I would never try to kill myself again,, that would never happen. When the thoughts come into my mind I think about my brother, he died suddenly and didn't have a choice to live or die. I do, and its selfish of me to do that. ((((HUGS))))
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I completely agree about the sliding scale doctors-- and the quality of care is just as good if not better than the "more expensive" therapists. Just remember there are many of us out there that are battling the same problems-- it feels like you can't do it all alone, and the professionals can help. I just remember that there are so many people out there that have suffered through all of this, and eventually came out stronger on the other side-- just seek out help since it's so hard to do it alone!
Its been 11 years,, the depression is a part of me now.
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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Just wanted to send you ((Hugs)). I lost my brother nearly 9 years ago when I was 21 and he was 28. It's devastating, it changes your family and colours the rest of your life. I don't have full-on depression like you're going thru at the moment but I find life constantly difficult when I know I should be making the most of it. If you feel like you want to talk about your brother (sometimes I feel that I can't burden anyone with my grief after all this time) or about anything else, feel free to PM me or email me julie_ann_lyons@hotmail.com
Just wanted to send you ((Hugs)). I lost my brother nearly 9 years ago when I was 21 and he was 28. It's devastating, it changes your family and colours the rest of your life. I don't have full-on depression like you're going thru at the moment but I find life constantly difficult when I know I should be making the most of it. If you feel like you want to talk about your brother (sometimes I feel that I can't burden anyone with my grief after all this time) or about anything else, feel free to PM me or email me julie_ann_lyons@hotmail.com
Julie
xx
Thank you,, I miss Jamie everyday. No one else ever wants to hear what I have to say, i told my mom today what I have been going through, and she just said theres nothing you can do. I am hurting so bad. I told her i was thinking of suicide and she said don't do that it just gives me something to worry about. Do you ever wonder what the world would be like with out you. I do, every day. Like I said I am not going to do it. I am just hurting so bad. When is it my turn to have a happy life, to have a beautiful lil baby,, I wanna know what it feels like to hold my baby in my arms. My conclusion is that maybe I just don't deserve it. I have no one else to talk too. I am sorry if people think that I am creating drama. I am not trying to. I don't have anyone else to talk to. thank you for listening,
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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I've felt like giving up so many times. Somehow i'm still here.I hope u get thru this Xx
__________________ Sarah (24)
Vegetarian cyster
DX 11/9/03
After believing I was going crazy for years I finally have a diagnosis! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Here it goes again...... 
