hey guys, translate this for me please

KellyBee · 07-01-2003, 12:22 PM

My boyfriend just dumped me. He says he can't be with me because I"M BETTER THAN HIM!!?? WTF does that mean? We're both CNA's right now, but i just got accepted into nursing school. I've also lost 148 pounds in the last year and a half, and went from a size 32 to a 14. So what does he want, he wants me to stay fat and hairy in a low paying job? (no offense to any other cnas, but i don't make much) I don't understand, I love this guy. I've done everything i can to make him happy, but nothing seems to work. I'm 31 and he's 43, and that bothers him for some reason too. I just can't understand, why wouldn't a guy want a smart, pretty, healthy, ambitious woman who LOVES him and adores him and is willing to do alot to make him happy? Can you guys give me some input, advice, anything? I'm seriously clueless and more than a little heartbroken.

TxHubby · 07-02-2003, 02:01 PM

As to why he wouldn't want to be with you anymore...I really can't say, only he can answer that. It sounds like you really care about him, so I'm not sure what might be going on to make him not want to be in the relationship anymore. It could be a lot of different things, maybe he's just really confused about what he wants out of life right now. It could also be that with you losing all the weight & getting into nursing school plus the difference in your ages, maybe he feels like you're moving in a new direction in life & he might feel like he's just standing still. Does that make any sense ?? It might seem to him as if you're making all these positive changes in your life & he's not, so he's intimidated by that or something...I don't know.

It does sound like you are making some very positive changes in your life, and for that, I applaud you. Hopefully you can talk to him some more & get to the bottom of what's really bothering him.
If he can never give you any other reason than what he already has...then there's not much you can do to try to change the situation. You can only do so much...it takes two people to make a relationship work.

I wish you the best of luck. No matter what happens, try to stay positive & be proud of the fact that you're making the changes that you are. Maybe he'll come around, or at the very least, be honest with you & let you know what's really bothering him.

Eponine · 07-07-2003, 01:07 AM

I'm sorry that this guy doesn't seem to realize what he has in you. But I think I can clarify whats going through his mind.

I'm not a guy, but what it sounds like he's doing is feeling sorry fir himself. He most likely has very low self esteem, and thought that he could only get someone as "unsuccessful" as him. I'm not saying this to be hurtful, and I honestly don't think he even realizes that's what he's doing. But I know from my own low self esteem that it hurts when my df is successful. I went through a phase where I told him that he was better off without me. He got mad, and told me that was ridiculous, and refused to let me feel sorry for myself. Which was frustrating at the time, but just the kick in the pants I needed. It sounds like since you've been becoming the woman you want to be, he's had a hard time dealing with it. Does this help at all? I'm not trying to be harsh, but I don't know of a more tactful way to say it.

There are two ways that I would deal with it: one would be to do what my df did, and refuse to let me feel sorry for myself. (And it does sound like he's having a pity party, and may also be testing your devotion.) Or two would be to go along with it, and find a guy who has fewer issues.

I hope things work out for you. You deserve it!

sarah007 · 07-09-2003, 11:27 AM

Well cyster!

I'm right in your shoes......I have the same problem except I'm the successful one being treated like crap and I'm sick of it. I'm the one who wants to leave.

Granted I love him dearly and I can't imagine life without him.....BUT how much can you take? My BF seems to have the same insecurities about himself......because I get a lot of attention from men and women. Therefore, he penalizes ME because of this. I hope this makes sense...

He's almost jealous of this.......and in return I get nothing!
I too am like you. I treat him like gold...and bend over backwards for him. It's like pulling teeth to get him to do me a favor.

You have to do what's best for yourself. Don't settle for a pity party.

so confused · 07-26-2003, 04:12 AM

This is how I interpret it: he probably feels as though you're moving on into this whole new exciting world of being "the new you" without him and he probably thinks that it won't be long before you realize you're better off without him or like he's dragging you down, he probably thinks other people will be interested in "the new you" and he thinks you might find someone new, and maybe he's afraid of getting hurt or dumped for someone else so maybe he wants to be the one doing the dumping first so as to avoid the pain of being the one dumped.. hope this made sense...

Rosie1028 · 07-26-2003, 01:51 PM

Kelly,
i just wanted to give you a little encouragement and say that you are making some postitive changes in your life. You rock!! Keep up the great work . I am sorry about the guy problems. Men are a hard thing to figure out.

Good luck to you!!