starmaiden_2002

Hi,
My name is Tiffany and I was diagnosed with PCOS on 5/20/08. However, I am a RN and suspected that I had this long before the confirmation. After blood tests, transvag u/s, and hysteroscopy with endometrial biopsy, my Dr. put me on Metformin-1500 mg, Provera 10 mg for 10 days, and Clomid to start the 3rd day of my cycle. Today is my 7th day on the Provera, so I hope that I am on my way to the baby that we have been TTC for 5 years.
I don't really know how to feel. I have been wondering and crying and praying about the baby of my dreams for so long, that I am terrified that this won't work. As I type this the pain of all those BFN and wainting and hoping and then nothing is welling up inside.
I'm not really sure what to expect. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I keep thinking, what if this works, what if I actually get pregnant? Then on the flip side, I am terrified that this will end exactly as every month has for the past 5 years. I don't really know what I am looking for here, except maybe someone that understands. My DH is great, he has held me through every disappointment and negative HPT, but he doesn't get it. I feel broken. mentally and physically, not to mention that I feel robbed that everyone around me seems to be coming up pregnant, while i remain barren. I don't know. I guess I am just down right now.
Anyway, I am sorry to be so negative and depressing, I am just scared and sad and tired of this roller coaster of emotions. Maybe this time right? All we can do and wait and pray. Thanks for letting me rant.

Tiffany

Eva37

welcome to sc

__________________
PCOS, LOCAH, Lichen Planus, IBS, HS,alopecia - raised bp/ cholesteral. Wheat and dairy intollerance Meds: Spiro, Bendrofluazide, Amlodopine, Simvastatin, Met, Prednisolone, Colpermin multi vits,

Me - 41, hubby 36 son 11. Married 14 years

She is buffeted by the wind, but she does not sink.



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starmaiden_2002

Thanks for the welcome!!

shotbyastar

Hey Star (I'm Star, too ) -

Love the name!

I'm new to the site, too. While I can't relate to TTC and wanting a child, I can relate to that "broken" feeling. I am just so sick of feeling yucky all the time, feeling hindered both physically and emotionally. I thought for the longest time that it was all my bipolar illness standing in my way, but the more research and reading I do, and the more tests I have done, the more I realize that there are intricacies to my endocrine and reproductive systems that may explain more than I had thought.

It's kind of mind-boggling, really, how interconnected the body systems are. But, I digress.

I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in feeling that way, and as a fellow newbie, welcome you to the site!

Cheers,
K