hi all! sorry, i have to vent

Rapunzel · 07-12-2003, 05:55 AM

Hi there...

I had to vent to someone here, and you all know how it is with getting depressed, so maybe someone can offer me some insight.
Here is my little story.

I am 22...My DH is 28. We have been wanting a baby for the past 4 years (ya i started young!!) I didnt know that i had PCOS for a long long time. I found out back in Sept of 2002 when the gyne told me it was more than possible and that was sayin without any tests.

As of now, i am on NO meds, and im miserable. I gained 50 LBS within a month, and i am now 100 lbs overweight and i carry the majority of it in my stomach. Im embarrassed about the way that i look, to the point it has affected the way i am if i am naked around my husband. I am so depressed right now its not even funny. My moods are so uncontrollable, its like one minute, i am fine, and the next its like ive eaten a whole box of B**ch flakes for breakfast! I am constantly crying about not being pregnant...and when i have to take a pregnancy test like just yesterday because i was spotting...ANd i see another BFN, that just takes me over the top.

I think i would feel better if i was able to start getting on some meds at least. to feel like im not wasting my time here. The one thing i am grateful for, is that we got my DHs sperm tested, and he is within all normal ranges (thank GOD!!!) so i cant really complain. Its just that i am the one who has to see that look on my husbands face when he is playing with his neices and nephews, and the look on his face when he sees me playing with my cousins baby. Its the look of longing. and i know he wants children so badly. and so do i, and i just dont know what to do anymore. we cannot start any treatments till his insurance kicks in which will be in October. i know some of you would say, well thats not that long, but it really is. My gyne gave me clomid to try back in september, and none of it worked. My last dose was in november, and i havent been on anything else. There is no way we can pay for all the treatments out of pocket. before i can get on any meds, the RE wants all the bloodwork and the HSG done. that alone will come out to be $2,300. We dont have that kind of money right away. I tried applying for the financing, but we were denied even though my DH makes almost $20 an hour. I just feel like im hopeless with all this, and to top it off, im still dealing with the fact that my dad died in 2002, and my step dad died in 2003..within 11 months of each other. It just seems like i never get a break. I have prayed for so long and for such a great while for the Lord to bless us with a baby. I think he has me on ignore. I do understand that everything happens on Gods time and not mine, but ive tried to be patient, and i have been patient for the past 4 years. i just wish i could get a break!
Some cysters told me to go on depression meds, but i try telling them that i do not have insurance...if i was going to spend $ on meds, it would be those that will finally help us to achieve our ultimate goal. To have a baby of our own. As of now i know 8 women who are currently pregnant. I cant deal with hearing about someone else who is. Its like they cough the wrong way, and TADAA!! they are prego. I dont understand why it isnt as easy for me. and all of them, at one time have talked to me about how they consider their pregnancies a nuisense, and how they were thinking of abortion. HELLO?! do you realize who u are telling this to?!!

anyways, now i got that off my chest i feel a tad bit better about things. sorry its so long...well now that my fingers feel like they are going to fall off, i think ill end this now!

Lendi · 07-12-2003, 08:51 AM

Hi, I'm glad you feel comfortable coming here to vent. Many here will understand what you are going through. I'm so sorry

One thing about depression, it is a chemistry imbalance. You might consider, if not a prescription, then St. John's Wart or Sam-e to help you get through this. Remember, if you stressed and worried and uptight, that doesn't help anything, either. The ladies on the TTC board would have lots and lots of advice for you as well. Have you at least been checked for IR? Even if you just started with gluc, that might help. I have heard of cysters becoming pg just from getting their insulin levels worked out. Might be a forward step. Take care, hugs and ***baby dust*** Lendi

Rapunzel · 07-16-2003, 04:33 AM

hiya

the sad part is, is that i would be so happy to try glucophage! my RE wont order me anything till all of the tests he want done are completed. I mean, dont get me wrong, im glad that he wants to make sure everything is alright and all, but in the meantime, i have to be here with no treatments at all, and i feel as though my PCOS is alot worse. The symptoms are getting worse and worse as i get older. I have just bought some vitex from GNC. I am going to try that out and see what happens. I am really looking foward to it! Anyways, thanks for replying to my post. i know i sounded a little pathetic..LOL

KatrinaAnne · 07-16-2003, 05:08 AM

~*Tanya*~

I read your post and I wanted to tell you that I am sorry that things are the way they are right now. I am so sorry that you are so down. I wanted to write and tell you I hope things become better for you. We are here for you....take care.

***~Baby Dust~***

Rapunzel · 07-16-2003, 05:09 AM

thank you you are so sweet! and it looks as though we have the same last name too!! LOL

Ive felt a little better now that i am tryin herbs now. its better than nothing at all. and if they dont work oh well, at least i can say that i tried!!!!

KatrinaAnne · 07-16-2003, 05:20 AM

Tanya!!!
Your welcome sweetheart!

We do have the same last name....

That is really awesome!

I am really happy that you are feeling better, that is great news! I really hope that the herbs work out for you hun!

We are always here for you!

~~*Baby Dust*~~