I am so freaked out! What if she hates our house or if I blurt out something stupid? Everyone tells me that it's going to be fine, but it's just very scary to me to have someone coming into my house to judge me. Is there any advice anyone can give me to get through this process without having a nervous breakdown?
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
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Be yourself. They can tell when somebody is putting on an act and when you are genuine.
Be honest. Don't be afraid to voice any concerns or questions.
Be open. It's ok to show them who you are.
Clean but don't stay up all night scrubbing. Most normal lived in homes aren't going to be 100% perfect. They are looking for clean and organized (no animal poo on the floors, you don't have 3 months of newspapers piled up, etc) not June Cleaver.
Be warm and inviting. Offer him/her something to drink; let them see you are a friendly and loving person.
You will be OK!!!!
__________________
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I'm gonna stop looking back and starting moving on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, without any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah, I wanna be running
When the sand runs out
- Rascall Flatts "When the Sand Runs Out"
I agree with Tina...the worker is there to help you adopt a child not try and prevent you...be yourself (and if that includes baking a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies I'll be over ) and dont worry about a little dust on the television or a crumb on the kitchen floor...
As long as you have space for the new arrival and you are open and honest you will BE FINE
Let us know how it goes
Amy
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DS (7) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. DD (3)
Oct 09 - Femara 5mgs Days 3-7 BFN
Nov 09 - Femara 5mgs Days 3-7 BFN
Dec 09 - Femara 5 mgs Days 3-7
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Our agency owner said the only reason she'd ever had someone "fail" a homestudy was because of serious criminal offenses; she said almost EVERYTHING else was able to be worked on to find some way to let you adopt. So just be yourself and don't worry.
__________________ Kati (29)
DH Vince (27)
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Never TTC -- Straight to Adoption
DD Yuna
Born in the USA 10-01-06 -- Finalized 4-12-07
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Still hoping and praying to adopt #2 someday... To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Oh hun, it will be just fine!! Believe me it will ((hugs)) Just try to relax the best you can when she pulls up. Treat her as you would "anyone" that came to your home. Be yourself. She's not there to "judge" you. She's there to help you. Really she is. Just think of her as someone who is coming over to talk to you for someone else. The judge just wants to make sure that the home is safe & loving for the child's protection and he can't come himself to "see" that so he's sending someone to do it for him the information he needs. Your home is fine, it's yours and it's perfect I'm sure. Try not to get to nervous about it. I'm sure she knows your nervous and I'm sure that everyone has these feelings, I know I did and afterwards was like "that wasn't that bad now was it!"
It will be fine ((hugs))
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When the social worker came to do our homestudy I remember going crazy cleaning the whole house, and when she came, she didn't even go through the house, she only saw the kitchen and living room. Needless to say I was a little more relaxed with the homestudy for #2 Try to relax - and don't go crazy cleaning. The other ladies here have given you some great advice.
Hope that your adoption journey goes quickly
Kath
__________________ dx pcos and IR 12/02
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Mom to 3 angels (2 1st trimester miscarriages & 1 full term stillborn) and 2 grade schoolers
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OK, I am breathing and feeling a lot better. Thanks very much everyone! I know it will be OK. The appointment is at 4:00 pm. I figure I should have something set out to offer her. Any suggestions? Cookies? A veggie tray? Cheese and crackers? Oh, that was another question i had. how long did your first visit last?
Thanks again, all! I know it will all be fine...
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
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Our visit lasted about 3hrs but she only came once and talked to dh and the kids along with myself. Also, we got to talking about other stuff (her personal life) and she stayed longer than she would have normally. The only areas of the house she looked at were the rooms she could see walking in and the bedroom where the child would be.
Personally, I would not set any kind of food out. We offered our SW a drink but nothing to eat. If it would have been near mealtime I would have offered but I see a snack tray as "trying to hard" if you kwim.
It is really hard to relax and just be yourself, I think I talked for 1/2hr nostop before I got over being nervous and let her say anything LOL
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~*~ ARMY Family ~*~
Angela & Shaun
Nate 9, Nick 5, Katie 3, Kaleb 1
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I think that our visit for myself and DH was between 1-1/2 to 2 hours. Didn't offer the SW any food, but did offer drinks.
You will be fine. Do what feels comfortable and natural. Try to relax - I know - easier said than done.
Let us know how it goes
Kath
__________________ dx pcos and IR 12/02
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Mom to 3 angels (2 1st trimester miscarriages & 1 full term stillborn) and 2 grade schoolers
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Oh how I remember those feelings! LOL Our social worker didn't care about our house at all AND really I eneded up feeling like she had a set list of stuff to ask and that it was just about going through them with a little personal stuff added in. We both got the impression that homestudies were less about being screened out and more about screening in. If that makes any sense?
One peice of advise I would offer is to workout or go for a brisk walk. It really helps me to burn off that anxiety. Now if I can only remember that when I'm stressed out! LOL
I would say good luck but you're not going to need it. Everything will go wonderfully I'm sure!
Warmly,
Julia
__________________ "To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children...to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...THIS IS TO HAVE SUCCEEDED" Ralph Waldo Emerson
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it happens today in about 6 hours. I guess since I am on the computer, I am feeling a little more relaxed, huh? I'm just going to present my house as what it is-a home that real people live in. And I am going to just be myself. I have been thinking about this a lot and I think this is going to be A LOT less of a big deal than I thought. She just needs to know that we have a safe house that is fit for a child & we do.
Wish me luck!!
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
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Wow, that was nothing! We just talked and she didn't even want to see the house! I marched her through anyway. I worked hard on that!
It all went really well and she seemed impressed with us. She did't even think she would have to come to our house again. We'll meet her again, but probably in her office.
SO relieved and excited! And so tired from all that cleaning and stressing...
Thanks for all the advice and reassurance!
~Ann
__________________ Ann (35) & Kelly (35) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
TTC since April 2000
Dx PCOS 2001
After 4 miscarriages, we are moving on to adoption. We are looking to adopt a bi-racial baby from a private agency in Florida.
All adoption paperwork is done and we are patiently (ha!) waiting for our little dream come true!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Homestudy Scheduled in a week! Freaking... 
) and dont worry about a little dust on the television or a crumb on the kitchen floor...
Try to relax - and don't go crazy cleaning. The other ladies here have given you some great advice.
