Honoring your lost one's during the holidays

*Clarissa* · 11-20-2006, 04:04 PM

We all know how hard the holidays are. And they are coming up very fast. First I want to let all my cysters know that I am thinking of you all during the holidays.

I also wanted to start a thread with ideas on how to honor your angels during the holidays. Please post all ideas and suggestions.

I have a few that I will start with.

1) Get your angel an ornament for the Christmas tree. There are some nice angel ornaments out there. I will try to find some links.

2) Adopt an angel off the Salvation Arny angel tree. Dh and I have decided to do this. We have adopted a little boy that is 2, the age our angels would be. I felt so good shopping for him. I mean it made me think about shopping for Alex and Sydney, but I knew that I was shopping for this little boy that may not get anything else.

3) Get yourself a piece of jewlery to remember your angel, like a birthstone charm, of your angels birthstone. Or something similar.

Any more ideas girls?

HopefulCyster · 11-20-2006, 06:36 PM

Very nice ideas, thank you! I will be doing all of them and I like the adopting an angel idea. It might help to know that I made a child or two happy and I hope my Angel above will smile down on them too. Thanks!

saluki_fan · 11-22-2006, 12:13 AM

Here is an article that may be helpful:

Finding Relief Through the Holidays
Written by Clara Hinton | Dec 16, 2002

http://www.silentgrief.com/articles/...r+Family&ID=87
Losing a child changes everything about how a family thinks, sees, tastes, touches, and feels life. Experiences become strangely new and at times so different that it is sometimes frightening. Traditions and times of family fun that once seemed so routine, now feel oddly painful and lonely. Families often find themselves seeking ways to get through the holidays, instead of planning for holiday celebrations with past anticipation and joy.

Probably the first coping mechanism, and the most useful, is to accept the fact that losing a child does change things. Families often change best friends, seeking the support of those who can identify with individual as well as collective needs of the family. Sometimes families change churches. Often, worshipping at the same church is an emotional pain that is too hard to bear. Sometimes family members even change jobs, finding it easier to make the work more bearable with a new beginning. It is, therefore, reasonable and necessary to change some of how the family traditionally celebrated the holidays. Losing a child brings about many changes!

Don’t place undue expectations on yourselves as a family. When your child died, a very real part of your identity as a family ended, too. Acknowledge that you are now in the very difficult position of holding fast to memories of someone you loved so very much in order to keep that precious child alive within your family. Not everyone will understand, and that often leaves hurt feelings, distances between friends, and even broken relationships within the extended family. Adjusting to the loss of a child is so very difficult for everyone.

Because you miss your child so much, yet you want to still have your holiday season be a time of celebration and joy, you are faced with a most difficult dilemma. Especially hard is facing the first holiday without your child. There will be a unique emptiness felt by each family member.

By including your child in the holiday, you will find that, even though it is painful, you will also feel some healing with your family take place. Many families have found it very healing to buy a gift for the child who has died. Place a holiday stocking on the mantle, and include small gifts in it such as a family journal, a picture frame, or a memorial candle. It is healing to include your child in the holiday in a special way.

Use the child’s name when talking. Give family members permission to cry. Nobody expects you to be a super hero, so don’t try to be one. It’s healing to say, “I miss my baby so much, and I really wish she was with us!” Hold each other up as a family. When we try to deny our sorrow, often the pain only is intensified. Accept grief as a reality, and help each other through the pain.

Do things different, and don’t be afraid to break old holiday traditions. Make this your year to begin a new holiday tradition. Maybe buy one really outlandish gift that can be wrapped and rewrapped year after year. Continue to include that particular gift in the annual family gift exchange. Think of something different that is unique to you as a family. It will help break the heavy grief, and aid you in finding some momentary relief from your pain of loss.

Remind yourselves as a family that there will be a time when things will feel okay again. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You will be able to choose remembering the joy your loved one brought into the family rather than only remembering the grief of the day your child died. When a family celebrates love, the pain becomes less intense, and you will begin to feel relief.

*Clarissa* · 11-22-2006, 02:43 PM

Thanks for posting that Meaghan!

angelzmom · 11-25-2006, 04:58 PM

Clarissa

Thanks for starting this post - it has given me some new ideas for this year.

Kath

irelandsaiorse · 11-25-2006, 06:57 PM

Here is the link to Hallmark's selection of angel ornaments.

http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/category5|10001|10051|125647|-2;-107988;125559;125644;125647|products|Angels

*Clarissa* · 11-25-2006, 11:14 PM

Found these ornaments
http://www.october15th.wahmweb.biz/s...GlassOrnaments

Found these Christmas cards too.
http://www.october15th.wahmweb.biz/s...ChristmasCards

Love this ornament.
http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/ind...ROD&ProdID=117

and this one
http://store.dayspring-store.com/chorre.html

this one too
http://www.gifts.com/search/product/...7&prodID=96723

...
http://www.gifts.com/search/product/...7&prodID=87735

http://www.gifts.com/search/product/...7&prodID=96722

kwannabee · 11-27-2006, 10:14 AM

Nice ideas Clarissa...i know i am thinking of the girls alot these days...even more so then the time i spend every single day

i have the two very special angel bell ornaments i bought for them when i was still pregnant...i couldnt have guessed that two months later they'd be gone. it is a family ceremony of sorts to hang them on the tree.

we also donate money every year to our church to pay for Christmas flowers and decorations for Christmas Eve, and their names are printed in the service handbook.

-this year i asked for John to check out the estore at www.october15.com there is a nice little zipper pull and many other items to commemorate angel babies...i especially asked for the garden stone for our family garden.

and of course...we light our candles...can't forget the candles

hugs to everyone at this happy and sad time of year...

VivC · 11-30-2006, 11:09 AM

We had an ornament for Rivi engraved at Things Remembered. It holds a picture, and it says his name, and October 6-7, 2006. It's the first ornament on the tree each year, and the last one off.

I want Dominici to grow up knowing his big brother and understanding his impact on our family (without Rivi, we wouldn't have known about my IC, and Dominici would have paid the price). I'm thinking of getting him a small gift each year from Rivi, maybe something that complements what we've gotten him. For instance, we got Dominici the Little People Noah's Ark for Christmas, and one of the sets of extra animals will be from Rivi.

I like the idea of opening the same, special gift each year, too.

*Clarissa* · 11-30-2006, 02:27 PM

I love that idea Viv. We let Noah and Emma buy each other gifts. We haven't ever done anythign from Alex or Sydney, but at Noah's age, I think that may confuse him. He knows that mommy has to babies that are in heaven, but that is about as far as his understanding go.

lovepotato · 12-06-2006, 08:05 PM

I'm buying an ornament for Eric, and my mom and sister bought three. I think my aunt and cousin did too. I also want to donate money to a charity in his name. I'm not sure what. Something with birth defects or infant loss. I want to do that every year, but it might change as the years go on. Like, in 10 years we can donate money to a school or something.
Oh, and I want to make my DH a daddy bracelet. He didn't get on in the hospital and he was really sad about it. It's not for Eric, but it's because of Eric.

I want to do other things too. I'm not sure what yet.

VivC · 12-06-2006, 11:04 PM

lovepotato, those all sound like excellent ideas!

Viv