HopelessHayley

Where do I start. My name is Hayley, I live in Perth, 29, Been TTC for 10 years, Diagnosed with the curse of PCOS when I was 16.
My main problem besides my PCOS and Depression is my weight, I have undergone weight loss surgery to get this weight off before anyone will treat me, although weight loss is at a standstill and wont budge.
I currently weigh 113kgs, and although falling pregnant last year on a course of Clomid, I miscarried at 7 weeks.

I realise that my situation may not be the most dire on this site, but I dont know what to do with myself anymore. I have dreams of having a baby, but it just leaves me so down. I have no one to talk to about this, I dont know where to go to get support, my partner is so wonderful, but I dont think he realises the pain that I am in. I wish that I could explain the agony that I am feeling right now, but there is a major lack of words to express how low I feel. I dont know what to do to escape this emotional pain, other than suicide.
My birthday was 3 weeks ago, and it was just another reminder of another year without being a mother, and the fact that I can go on hoping for a baby, but it will probably never ever happen for me. I have tried so many things to get my ovaries to work, but I just feel as though I have been put on this earth to be baron, and to pretend to be happy with the way that I am, when I am not. Could anyone please give me some advice.
What do I do, what is the answer? I wish someone would just give me all the answers. I dont want anyone to feel sorry for me, please. I just need help.
Oh, and please dont tell me that I am 29 and I still have time. I got over people telling me that when I was 24.
Thankyou for reading this.
Hayley

gina32

Hi Hayley

Sweetie, I am in a similar situation to you. I was diagnosed with PCOS at the tender age of 17 and am now 37. I was being treated at King Edward Hospital 11 years ago and thought I would never, ever, ever fall pregnant, but lo and behold, I did after a year or more of trying Clomid with no success. I was having a TTC rest and found I was pregnant.

I have also been trying without much success to lose weight. I was seeing Margo Norman at Fertility North last year and had several IUI cycles, but my body is actually very resistant to a lot of the fertility treatments because of my weight (127kgs). My very supportive hubby and I discussed it late last year and we have decided to no longer try for another child.

Have you sought any help from a councillor? The other question I have is, do you take any antidepressants? Depression unfortunately is a common problems with us PCOSers. Your GP is probably aware of the situation but waiting for you to speak up and ask for help. I need to go on antid's every now and then to help me cope with everything, and I assure you, there is absolutely no shame in taking them or asking for any help.

While I mentioned above that my DH is really supportive, I think it is a common issue that men just DON'T understand the feelings that we have. When I asked him what he wanted to do, his response was "it's up to you!!"

Please, please, please just hang around the boards, and scream for help if you need it!! I haven't been around for a while, but when I need a boost, a lot of the really gorgeous ladies here are really supportive. We all have been or are going through what you are, so please don't forget Soulcysters as a really valuable resource.

Can I ask who you are seeing for your fertility problems? Have you had any insulin resistance tests done? What meds are you taking? If you are "North of the river", I strongly recommend Margo Norman. She is very empathetic and understanding of PCOS as she herself has it and has given me some great tips to help manage my own condition. Unfortunately, I was really "naughty" and went off of the Metformin (used for helping control insulin resistance), and when I last saw her, she told me off and urged me to get back on it.

Anyways, I hope my rambling on gives you at least a little bit of hope, or at least a couple of questions that you can ask your doctor. Feel free to ask any questions, and I will do my best to help you if I can.

Love,

Gina

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Gina32
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2007 - Fertility treatment using Puregon/IUI.
2008 - At peace with the beautiful boy I have.

Have 2 angel-babies and a 9 year old boy Liam

HopelessHayley

Hi Gina,

Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your response. I dont think I have ever been that open and honest about the way that I am feeling, and to tell you the truth, I woke up this morning feeling that although my problems are not any closer to being solved, I felt like I had got alot of my chest.
I went to see Hollywood fertility clinic 2 years ago, back then I weight 124kgs, and the lady said to me in a round about way, 'come back in 6 months when you weigh 89kgs, that will be $220 thanks alot'.
So I paid her the money for her rediculous 20 mins, and walked out the door completely squashed. I vowed that I would not go to be treated by a clinic again as this was the third time that I had lost weight and gone back and recieved the same crap with the same bill only more each time. I go a prescription from my GP a year later and fell pregnant, only to lose the baby, as I said in previous post.
I am currently seeing Dr Whiteside who deals with your body as a whole, treating with pure progesterone and other hormones.
I am currently on an anti-depressant, 1600mg metformin, and 200mg of Progesterone which I am starting again after not taking it for a while.
I am south of the river.
I have felt for so long, that no matter which way I go, no matter what I do, its all still just going to cost me a fortune, and cost me even more emotionally, and I am just not strong enough anymore. You know?
Herbalists, Homeopaths, Naturopaths, what ever, you name it I have tried it, and all for nothing. Now I am just whinging...LOL. I will stop now.
thankyou once again for your reply, I do so appreciate it.
Hayley

Jaalei

Hi Hayley, just saw your post and im in a very simular situation to you including being told by doctors that I'm too overweight or to stop eating junk food.. which I don't! anyway, I'm about to try Inositol, I would love to get a hold of D-chiro Inositol but its waaaay too expensive and needs to be ordered from overseas, postage alone is over $90 for just one bottle of tablets! Musashi has a powdered form of Inositol and you can also get it from buckwheat and some other grains/beans (search this forum as there is more info on it) also some people have had great success from Carob Syrup! don't ask me how it works but apparently it does. Inositol is a form of B vitamin (but isn't technically a vitamin as the body produces it itself) Its called Vitamin B8, I did a google search for Vitamin B8 and some of the results pointed to it being Biotin but its actually Inositol. I will let you know how I go but maybe research a little about D-chiro Inositol, Inositol and D-pinitol.. you will see what I mean, its given me some hope as I have been TTC for some time now and I'm 32yo with NO kids (cept furkids).. sick of trying things that may or may not work!! I want a quick fix now!